Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

You're been in the relationship for a while. Maybe, it's even your parent! Or, a new partner? Or, you're waking up to the fact that you simply cannot please your partner because s/he WILL NOT be pleased, no matter what you do! Your partner may be a #Hijackal®. Your partner may have narcissistic behaviors and self-centered motives. Your partner may have anti-social behaviors . Your partner may inca...

Are you caught in The Hijackal Trap? You really need to know, so you can make clear choices. The Hijackal® Trap is often very hard to recognize because it is often subterranean, deep in the murky areas of the relationships only showing up every now and again. Or, maybe, it's showing up increasingly frequency now, and you need to know right away. You get glimpses of it in confusing early moments in...

You're out! You likely took a long time to make the decision to leave the narcissist, or in my terms, the #Hijackal. You also likely talked yourself out of it more than a few times, right? Then, you make your move for all the right reasons. It's difficult AND you do it. Uh-oh! Now, you're second-guessing your decision , and beating yourself up a bit. NO! Please don't! Remind yourself that you left...

Oh, my! I can imagine that for a few folks the title of today's episode caused them a brief moment of near apoplexy! No, I didn't choose it for its shock value, nor did I choose it to be controversial. I chose it because there are a few things about unconditional love that you may not know , and maybe, you may have a little blind belief that to be a "good" person. you must strive to be uncondition...

You've left, or you're close to leaving. It's scary! Sometimes, you're so sure you need to leave. Too often, you're second-guessing yourself. I hear clients, and people in my groups, say, " I want out of this relationship , no matter what the cost." And I understand that too well. When there is physical or sexual abuse, you may need to leave immediately. You're saying, " I'm at the end of my rope...

Don't make your children feel like pawns, messengers, or casualties of your divorce! In a perfect world, after divorce, your children would only know that life is more peaceful with two homes, and that they miss the way things used to be with both parents in the home. (Of course, if there was a lot of tension, bickering, and anger, they won't miss that at all!) When you co-parent well, you elimina...

#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, demanding people--NEED to be the center of the attention, the star of the show, the center of your Universe. And, they have to come first. You, then, are expected to be their adoring, validating audience, clapping at the least of their ideas. Exhausting, and inappropriate...at the least! Whether they take center stage by being charming, or by being nasty,...

"It's crazy-making! No matter how wrong s/he is, it's always my fault!" Have you ever said that about a parent, partner, ex, friend, sibling, co-worker? Infuriating! Frustrating! Endless! It has to stop. And, unfortunately, that's up to you. A #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person with narcissistic , anti-social, borderline or histrionic behaviors --will never entertain the remote possibility...

Do you bend over backwards to keep people happy? Do you try to live up to other people's expectations? If you answered "Yes" to either of those, you may be accepting a relationship that is actually emotionally unsafe for you. It may be a toxic relationship ! Another way to know if you need to question your emotional safety is to recognize that you fell in love with someone who swept you off your f...

People can drive you crazy, right? Toxic people are best at it. And, yet, you might still be telling yourself that you can change them. Is that true...even a little bit? Everyone has bad days. Everyone goes through rough patches. You've been there yourself. Someone you care about is overwhelmed or stress to the point of snippy-ness or name-calling. It's surprising and annoying, but you understand....

Jealous? That's a big issue that can easily cause major relationship problems! Have you already learned that? Are you ready to stop repeating that mistake ? Great! Jealousy is the green, fire-breathing monster that is lying in wait to devour your relationships, and hurt your heart. When you want to stop living in fear of being hurt , you can. I can help. You want to be free of jealousy because it...

Have you heard that TV ad for air freshener that implores you to notice that you may have gone "nose-blind" to the unpleasant smells in your kitchen, garbage, basement, or car? Well, I think people go "nose-blind" to verbal abuse...and, to emotional abuse, too. It's time to stop! Today, I'm talking about the ways you might be justifying the bad behavior of a #Hijackal in your life, a relentlessly...

Self-confidence! Sounds good, doesn't it? You want to have, express, and experience it, and that's not always easy after a #Hijackal has trampled it. You can become self-confident, and today's episode will give you great steps! How are you doing with your self-confidence? Has someone bashed it? Are you ready to improve your self-confidence and step out with more conscious self-love ? Great. You'll...

You need to learn how to side-step toxic, passive-aggressive behavior, and save your sanity, right? Today's episode gives you 7 ways to do just that. Other episodes have talked about important aspects of being in relationship with a passive-aggressive person , and about what to do if you are being passive-aggressive. Now, how to protect yourself from the toxicity of passive-aggressive behavior com...

Oh, the joys of being love-bombed , right? Only you had no idea that that was what was happening! You honestly believed you had found your partner, your person, your soulmate, the person who knew you so well, and could anticipate your needs. You just knew you'd be happy forever. All was well...until the "Gotcha!" That's the moment when you realized--much as you tried not to notice--that things wer...

How many times have you heard someone--maybe on TV--say, "Oh, we're just going through a rough patch." Really? Is it? Or, is it abuse ? It's SO important to know the difference, and that's what today's episode sets out to make very clear: the difference. Here's how Dictionary.com defines abuse : to use wrongly or improperly misuse abuse one's authority treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive w...

Whatever has the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff got to do with covert narcissism? Just who is that troll under the bridge in the story? In your story? Let's take a look at that in today's episode of Save Your Sanity . Sad that any one has to live under a bridge, for sure. No doubt about it, the parents of a covert narcissist taught them how to do it. That's how they survived their childhoods...

HIJACKALS ®! They exist! You've likely met one or two. Most everyone has. There is no real need for a diagnosis. The Hijackal will not subject him or herself to one, anyway. After all, s/he is perfect, right? All you really need to have is the ability to clearly see the patterns, traits, and cycles of these relentlessly difficult people , and know what to do to not become their prey! They are emot...

UNDERSTANDING THE IMPACT OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT. If it happened to you, it can affect all areas of your life and relationships. THE GOOD NEWS: You can heal and we'll talk about this later in the episode with my guest. DR. JONICE WEBB, Author of the first book written on Childhood Emotional Neglect ( CEN ) First, though, I invite you to answer this question: "Do yo...

Constant drama in one of your relationships? Are you frustrated and resentful, but unsure how to change things? Do you fool yourself by making excuses for the other person's poor, damaging, or degrading behaviors? No more, OK? You will feel SO much better when you are confident that you can: set boundaries express your boundaries maintain your boundaries set consequences for trampled boundaries fo...

Emotional grown-ups don't fight. Kids and needy adults fight. You don't want to be one of those, so a few essential tips for you in today's episode. Fighting is what kids do. They do it because they are trying to establish boundaries , power, and a sense of who they are. They don't know yet. Their skills are almost non-existent, except for what they have seen the adult in their lives do. Were thos...

I know, you don't want to believe that that person who said they loved you--or, that person who gave birth to you--will ever really hurt you...like in go to the hospital, or the morgue hurt you, right? You want to believe that they really love you, even though they only behave that way when they really want something from you. Sometimes, they also behave that way when things are going VERY well fo...

Do you have a person in your life that is crazy-making? S/he promises to do something, and then somehow forgets? Or, a person who procrastinates regularly, then wants to make it your fault--or the weather's--that things don't get done? Then, you'll want to listen to this episode on the actual emotional abuse that happens when you are often experiencing someone else's passive-aggressive behavior. P...

Verbal Violators in any work situation make working together next to impossible. At a minimum, they make you cringe, avoid, and prefer to take sick days over going to work. In my book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work , I talk about folks who commit " malpractice of the mouth !" Those are verbal violators, verbal abusers . These folks have control issues that lead to ange...

Is your relationship one-sided? Are you wondering if it's you? Does your partner have to "win" always? Is everything your fault? You're already confused, just the way a Hijackal® wants you to be. A Hijackal is a person who behaves in ways that are common to people considered to have narcissistic , borderline , histrionic , or antisocial behavior patterns. I created the term, Hijackals , so that yo...