Rye Off The Bat

Decided to react and read out this poetry that I’d concocted awhile ago. It was before Warwick’s first rework. It’s interesting to see how Warwick changed over the course of time, to something really different from Zaun to eventually potentially the loving father figure from Netflix’s Arcane; Vander. I’ll also briefly share abit on the other league of legends related works that I’d written across...

In this special episode I decided to do a one take free style poetry, talking about what I feel, singing perhaps what brings me here. The winds of depression, mental health how I slog through life with the different baggages not being able to find wholesome with the whole insecurities and self hatred. I want to be strong, and thus… I sang. It took me a long time before deciding to post this, I’m a...

In this episode, I’ll look at and discuss my toxic patterns of my tendency to be in love, loving the wrong person but as funny as fate would allow; them being life changing. It’s funny to see how all the girls in my collective made their mark this way, and have been proven by the stars. I’ll also discuss and dig deeper into my roots of doing so.

In this round of writing reacts, I decided for read, react and share more stories about how I craft the personality behind Jeju for my Her collective; where I personify cities I’d been. Here I’ll be sharing the portion of the truth, where each part came from and the little easter eggs of my experiences when I’m traveling.

Diving deeper with my experience using the Pattern as I discovered some shocking revelations about my bond and the concept of how I see love. I’d a tendency of falling in love with a certain type, and how it affects me and my mental health.

Reacting to one of my unpublished writing that was praised by my editor back then. It was a philosophical piece of a whimsical fairy tale theme that’s inspired by the planetary theory of the Little Prince. Here I met a captain that leaves me with a lesson that’s worth more than a thousand gold.

I felt that this is what I always do; when I have lists of things or a bunch of things that I have to do but it didn’t even get to the point of defining it, I just dump all of them into this mental box. It makes me puts off things, and worse; I’m not living my life. I finally decided to unpack this mess today and share my process of doing so.

Sharing my tendencies to put people I like on pedestals, setting up myself to allow them to score easy brownie points and not being able to critically assess or audit our relationship as a result

Taking this episode to talk about why I would conform in social settings/group, and how it is getting in my way of living a more fulfilling life that way. From the fear of being alone to thinking that we won’t find a better fit, I tend to exhibit tendencies to stick with social groups or people who might not a great fit for my lifestyle or even mental health.

A misadventure lead me to Paper Towns by John Green that eventually made its way to me heart to being my favourite book. It felt almost anxious and uncomfortable to talk about it. It eventually shaped the “romantic” in me and possibly encouraged or cultivate the hero complexes that I have. And I fell in love with looking for Margo.

Touching slightly into my behaviour regression tendencies online, how I somewhat recreate a third personality that creates more disharmony than not. Feeling lost amongst your different personality and eventually finding a fit.

Exploring the roots of why I grow up to be such a people pleaser, form childhood trauma to fear of loneliness and wanting people to like me, I venture into some uncomfortable parts of my insides for some answers

Diving into the reasons why I may had say sorry alittle too much, but letting go, by seeming bowing to most situation, this links further into my self hatred or childhood trauma

It’s something that I thought of and I wanted to write about; humans and their fleeting wants. From material possessions to temporarily relief/pleasure, I feel that we might not be thinking as critically as we should nor we are being kind to ourselves. I feel that we suffer from making decisions based on short term needs and wants instead of something long term instead.

Growing up, losing friends that I didn’t expect to, getting outcasted from my main group of friends, I lost so much but I’d gain a lot as well. And this lesson only taught me to cherish the friends who are here but don’t hold onto to tight as people come and go…

This is a very much delayed gratitude video. But during my accident this is the thing that gave me a lot of hope and strength to live; my family. Even though I can feel very distant with them, or sometimes I could feel very little due to my lack of self love, but they’ll always be the people to at I’m thankful for. And I’d like to delicate this podcast episode to them.

I haven’t been in the best mental headspace lately and I’d like to think that it’s due to my environment and my inability to function in such environment due to the lack of empathy or understanding of mental health. Well I feel it’s no ones fault of cause, it’s just us being different people. Mental health is a tricky thing, and we owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to keep living; be it di...

Feelingg empty, after reading this really manga, which I had finally completed. And I guess, no matter what, life goes on, as long as we’re alive.

Sinking deeper should be a better word as I struggle with PTSD and trying to hang onto my distraction to stay sane. I made the best out of it and eventually created a website! Well I guess?

Even though this seems like an issue in a number of INFJ, I have not just the saviour complex where I feel the need to passionately help people, sometimes alittle too much, leaving me burnt out without time for myself. Have no a conversation on why I exhibits such traits and also if there’s such thing as a reverse saviour/hero/rescue complex where I yearn to be saved as well. I hope this can shed...

Here’s a lighter episode as I went back to read and react to one of my writing collective that was really cathartic to me. Writing letters to the girls whom I’d loved and disappeared, I decided to bid them farewell through writings as I don’t want to hold only them anymore. Sometimes opening our hearts and setting us free could just takes us closer to happiness :)

Trigger warning: contains self harm, violence and suicidal tendencies. Touching on the 2 media that I could relate my depression to, with one being a really depressing manga and another is an animation of a self sabotaging horseman who struggled with happiness. I find myself in these characters a lot and how real they could be, despite being fictional media contents.

Talking about my issues with discipline and also a manga that I’m into lately, oyasumi punpun. My train of thoughts was abruptly cut off- I figured this may be very trigger warning, and decided to separates it.

Recording this while running so pardon the sound quality. Talking about finding your own voice, what makes you special, here’s to self improvement: every step we take is something, take all the small win we can

Talking about how I try to pursue my passion, sticking to my belief despite being a sales person. To be someone who’s more selfless in giving, appreciating people who appreciates me.