Rye Off The Bat

So how has my 2025 been? This episode is probably meant to be scheduled to release at the last day of the year (coincidentally). Going through the list of my phone library, aside from work photos and videos, I try to look for what made my day in the month, reminiscing the highlights and whatnots. And guess what? It's been better than I thought! The travels, the concerts, the festivals, the art...

Never did I know that I'll be embarking to Taiwan again; after all these years. Much less with someone else. Going to a place where I'd lived and felt free and myself; and eventually sharing this space with someone is something that I didn't expect.

how do you feel when you left a place where you call home? I know sometimes we have to go but what if it's hard to let go? It's been a difficult time for me to process all the emotions, the thoughts; a mixture of fear, of guilt, and mostly alot of guilt. I also identify how I am so avoidant of things, waiting until the last minute, and I really do need to try to tell myself that it's probably a ph...

It took me a long time to write/post this; to the extend that I was even running away from posting podcasts altogether... or even be more proactive in life because of this. Perhaps the knowledge of this further reinstates the fact that feel that I'm broken, damage, together with the fact that my leg is no longer good from the accident. I delved abit more about my dissociative tendencies; from zoni...

At this point of posting; I have addressed my issues to my doctors again and they decided to let me take some time off the medication and see how it goes from here. I feel the medication is a mixed bag to me as I'd felt positive effects in the early times; but it felt like I crash-numb after. The brain fogs are worse; memories foggy. I also became less motivated subsequently my anxiety still stays...

Going back to Twitch was an escape... at first; but it was also many things. The universe's calling? Maybe, because Twitch is going to streamline their storage to 100hours, so that got me up and working - exporting all 14 hundred hours of streaming content all onto Youtube. And during so really did bought me across memory lane, my discord journey, and the family that I had neglected after I st...

Came to this conclusion upon thinking; and love is indeed like a drxg. So... that does validate my thinking of how feelings is weak right? Because that meant that we do have one more think to worry about, one more weakness... our love and also because of the chemistry that happened in our body while we're in love... So that's how we get... addicted... no?

Just abit of a rumble and back post; y'know nights when you think about alot of things then wish you'd think about nothing at all

I think one of the topmost toxic words that I hear... is "should" You "should " do this, you "should" do that. From behaviours to life decisions, I'm robbed of alot of liberty since young. To being able to be independent and grow to being able to walk my own path. In short, I'm surrounded by people who... felt that there are certain things that I should be doi...

I got struck by something I saw on Instagram; The Tiny Wisdom by Brian. This piece of work really resonated with me. From behaving different since young, being told that I'm weird as I am growing up, to even being told that this is not me and what I "should" be as I got older, this piece of work hits me in ways that I didn't expected to be hit (on a weekday morning). The voices e...

There's no pause, there's no hack, there's nothing we can go about it except the dailies and our quests. However the difference between life and the game? A game have it's perimeter much more well define, and we are rewarded; regardless... of our effort. So some succeed, some fail, and everything keeps on going. The world keeps turning, the cities never sleeps... and we can't s...

I'd been thinking if this should be back posted or forward, but decided I shall keep the momentum of the weekly thing going. So this episode covers my first post op thoughts; I probably might have forgotten most of what was being thought or discussed, but mostly how it was way tougher than I thought. Having the most peg in a prolonged period, together with an unforeseen extension of surgery du...

It's been so long... I'd say so so long; before I could really sit down and get to posting. The spiralling valley pre-surgery and the whole recovery period, before jumping onto the sprint wagon hoping to do more for work. But at what cost? So after everything, and my declining mental health, I decided to sit down, and really start unpacking... and queueing certain stuff that I should have,...

Imagine this; albeit alittle abstract, we are one person today, and another tomorrow, and another the day after all the way down to the future, and all of us are a team. How would you feel if half of our team decided to procrastinate? Or a good portion of the team just decided to be irresponsible and leave it to the us tomorrow?

In this episode of ROTB comes mostly with some updates, and also about why I'm... not around. Distractions. We all have them. The worse thing? knowing that no matter whatever we are running away from only seem smaller at that point of time, but it's still always there. I'm having an upcoming surgery in October, and I'd been panicking since August, going into a full on shut down mod...

For the ones who's still stuck in the abyss, the ones who's trapped in self-blame, self-hate. For the ones who didn't have self love, and question their worth. Your life is actually worth more than you think :')

You know when you have a eureka moment? A breakthrough? Not just any breakthrough, but THE breakthrough. Not too big of THAT breakthrough but enough to made me feel alive, to push through. Ever since I tuned myself to travel write, things and thoughts seem to be able to flow through me; until the recent months or rather year, where I even stopped painting altogether. I stop accumulating my own art...

For those who know me, or came over to my place; you guys must have seen my wallpaper about that quote. "It gets easier .  Every day it gets a little easier . But you gotta do it every day —that's the hard part. But it does get easier." It was a phrase that hits me when I was deep in depression, when I question my purpose and worthiness to exist. It was tough getting off bed, to even...

In this episode of Rye off the Bat, I'll like to dig abit deeper into why I have saviour complex. "Ronnie, you only like broken girls" This is sadly true. Fix things? I'm not sure, but it felt like this saviour complex has been with me for the longest time, even though now I'm better by being more aware. But I decided to bare it out today, by exploring alittle deeper on why.....

we'll only be romantic when we're in love and parts we give to people, and we feel broken when we lose them. It is inevitable. But then again sometimes it is us giving away the parts of us the process of us learning to learn; and in return we also learn to love ourselves.

You snooze you lose; it's a household phrase where it is so commonly used that everybody knows. But why do we snooze then? What's making us do that, despite it being such a logically thing to do. Before we begin, the phrase was actually meant for us to put something off, but I also dig into another thing; literal snoozing. Everyone who's struggling with some sort of depression knows th...

We always feel it's better looking back. "How I wish I could be a student, then there's no responsibilities", "How I wish I'm a baby, don't have to do anything", the list goes on but you get me. But it's always looking that few phases back, from university looking back at your high school days, from working looking back at your college/uni times. How about w...

There's alot of us... right? The us before we change, the us before things change us, the us before we lose that part of ourselves. Think Theseus ship but with experience and memories. I used to be such a wanderlust and I can't take another second of staying back here; I want to fly and I wanted to be free, but now I felt.... grounded. It felt like I'd found some other priorities and t...

Things hasn't been the best as the dosage of my prozac was increased; 2 capsule and it's been causing me abit of a brainfog. It was hard to focus, and it felt like everything was a blur. Perhaps I was also going through a spiral, and I have been down. But on the bright side we would be coming back to doing weekly podcasts for Rye off the Bat on Wednesday!

There are always nights that hits me, when I was burying myself with work and life. I was once broken and depressed; spending time listing to songs of melancholy, getting myself lost in memory lane, stuck in the past and wondering what things could have been. And... sometimes I realize it's okay. This bizarre way of pacing my sadness helps. And sometimes it is what I need; to feel alive again.