Rock-n-Roll Autopsy

The boys share inappropriate pictures on social media, yarl unintelligible lyrics about Mom’s Daddy issues, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Pearl Jam’s 1991 iconic grunge classic, “Alive”

The boys lack theatre etiquette in the Dawg Pound, deal drugs with Elvis on the Sunset Strip, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ratt’s 1988 bluesy sleaze rocker, “Way Cool Jr. ”

The boys build a budget telecaster, debate the cause of mandible related maladies, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Judas Priest’s 1984 heavy metal classic, “Jawbreaker ”

The boys liberate themselves from the shame of self-service, decide that Billy Corgan is their only worthwhile podcasting peer, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Cyndi Lauper’s 1984 self-gratifying hit, “She Bop”

The boys join Flea for a frantic fecal adventure, debate the lyrical depth of Bret Michaels, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Poison’s 1990 pumpin’ pop hit, “Unskinny Bop”

The boys analyze anal vapors with Vessel, debate the appropriateness of derrière devotion, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of PotUSA’s 1995 bodacious B-side, “Carolyn’s Booty”

The boys referee a septuagenarian street fight, struggle to appropriately identify reproductive anatomy, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Primus’ 1995 alt-rock hit, “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver”

The boys play air guitar to prerecorded Motley Crue, put some distance between themselves and lecherous teenagers, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Police’s 1980 reggae rocker, “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”

With scalpel in hand, our fearless host attempts to trim away the bloat and mediocrity from Gun N’ Roses and Metallica’s infamously overstuffed double albums, “Use Your Illusion” and “Load/Reload” and combine what’s left into one cohesive kick-ass album of mid-nineties hard rock n’ roll.

The boys engage in wildly reckless KISS speculation, stalk Playboy bunnies at the supermarket, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Blondie’s 1978 new wave knockout, “One Way or Another”

The boys snort a mountain of blow, rerecord a classic podcast just to spite one another, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Eric Clapton’s 1977 reluctant anti-drug blues rocker, “Cocaine”

Without the guardrails of science to fall back on, the boys deviate from their typicality prudent decision making in favor of deliberately provocative, sensational, and often ridiculous hot takes about a few of their favorite rock ‘n roll bands.

The boys compile a list of clickbait worthy metal songs, get sassy in go-go boots, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Nancy Sinatra’s 1966 chart-topping, foot-stomping hit, “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'.”

The boys audition several iPads for their upstart rock ‘n roll band, lament the absence of free chicks in their chosen vocation, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Dire Straits’ 1985 MTV smash hit, “Money for Nothing.”

The boys wear spandex to a retirement party, impress Michael Jackson with lame fat jokes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s 1988 portly pop parody, “Fat.”

The boys enjoy dial-up internet with Richie Sambora, use racist cosplay and bad dinner theater to fight the inevitable irrelevance of age, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Styx’s 1983 synth-pop sensation, “Mr. Roboto.”

The boys battle middle-age mid-sections, commit political suicide on antenna TV, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Filter’s mid 90’s mid-west industrial metal hit, “Hey Man Nice Shot.”

The boys attempt to mediate a Pink Floyd peace treaty, hire a team of outside writers to stay relevant, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ozzy’s Grammy winning title track, “Patient Number 9.”

The boys stubbornly refuse to discuss the 2023 Rock Hall nominations, offset cocaine induced hearing loss with reverb, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Prince’s 1984 sex fiend serenade, “Darling Nikki”

The boys offer unsolicited financial advice to rock stars, shame Phil Anselmo into taking an online cultural sensitivity course, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Butthole Surfers’ 1996 slacker rock hit, “Pepper.”

The boys share more bad news, make ridiculously unfounded claims about Dolly Parton, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Rammstein’s 1997 slab of German industrial metal, “Du Hast.”

The boys discuss the sudden losses of Jeff Beck and Lisa Marie Presley, prop Ozzy Osbourne up for an ill-conceived return to reality TV, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Huey Lewis and the News’ 1984 power pop rock anthem, “The Heart of Rock & Roll.”

The boys cancel their subscriptions to Rolling Stone, debate the intent of voluptuous voyeurism, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Queen’s 1978 rotund rock hit, “Fat Bottomed Girls.”

The boys pair red backwards baseball caps w/cheap rented tuxedos, attend The Poddys awards gala, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Limp Bizkit’s 2000 nu metal rap rock hit, “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle).”

The boys light the holiday ham candle, celebrate the season by sharing a few of their favorite Christmas songs, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of AC/DC’s 1990 randy reindeer rocker, “Mistress for Christmas.”