Rock-n-Roll Autopsy

The boys spend a Saturday in detention, romanticize adolescent alienation through the power of a raised fist, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Simple Minds’ 1985 coming-of-age anthem, “Don’t You (Forget About Me).”

The boys (minus one) make a major show announcement and celebrate the Fourth of July by embracing singular vision, authoritarian tendencies, and a fistful of bands that exemplify anti-democratic rock ‘n’ roll.

The boys hang up the lab coats, put down the scalpels, reconnect long-lost tour mates, gush over Rush, and marvel at Gene Simmons’ latest entrepreneurial adventure.

The boys (minus one) hang up the lab coats, put down the scalpels, and take an unscientific look at Geezer Butler’s battle with depression through the dark poetry of Black Sabbath.

The boys regress to a state of peak late-’90s arrested development, mistake hormonal compulsion for profound artistic expression, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Korn’s 1997 acronym-powered ode to intrusive thoughts, “A.D.I.D.A.S.” News items and digressions include Loudwire’s list of the top five politically charged thrash metal songs.

Without the guardrails of science to fall back on, the boys trade evidence-based analysis for deliberately provocative, sensational, and often ridiculous hot takes about the world of rock ‘n roll.

The boys pick favorites, compare notes, and pluck away at Rolling Stone’s latest clickbait driven analysis of the 100 Greatest Guitar Solos of All Time.

The boys pick favorites, compare notes, and pluck away at Rolling Stone’s latest clickbait driven analysis of the 100 Greatest Guitar Solos of All Time.

The boys trash hotel rooms with self-aware charm, canonize burnout excess as aspirational living, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Joe Walsh’s 1978 millionaire-rock confession, “Life’s Been Good.” News items and digressions include Geddy Lee hiring a vocal coach ahead of Rush’s upcoming tour and Midnight celebrating 15 years of Satanic Royalty.

The boys descend into caveman horniness, celebrate primal riffage with alarming enthusiasm, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Ted Nugent’s 1980 Neanderthal party anthem, “Wango Tango.” News items and digressions include Marilyn Manson opening up onstage about his sobriety journey.

The boys grapple with existential felt, reframe melancholy as a virtue, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Joe Raposo’s tender 1970 identity crisis, “Bein’ Green.” News items and digressions include Iron Maiden snubbing the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and new music from KISS tied to their Vegas avatar spectacle.

The boys cosplay cool with alarming commitment, butcher borrowed swagger with suburban confidence, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of The Offspring’s 1998 novelty smash, “Pretty Fly (For a White Guy).” News items and digressions include Taylor Momsen, The Pretty Reckless, a venomous spider bite, and high-voltage touring alongside AC/DC.

The boys yank the starter cord on late-hair lowbrow lyricism, double down on vile vulgarity, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Jackyl’s 1992 no-subtlety-needed shock anthem, “She Loves My C**k.” News items and digressions include Angine de Poitrine and a blink-and-you-missed-it ascent to fame.

The boys craft iconic synth hooks, launch into an orbit of miscalculated light-years, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Europe’s 1986 arena-rock juggernaut, “The Final Countdown.” News items and digressions include Rush, Anika Nilles, and a triumphant return at the Juno Awards 2026.

The boys stretch out on fashionable furniture, lean hard into ironic detachment, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Wet Leg’s 2021 minimalist indie breakout, “Chaise Longue.” News items and digressions include Vinnie Vincent and his $2 million opus, Guitarmageddon.

The boys (minus one) welcome wise music swami and prolific author extraordinaire, Martin Popoff into the lab to discuss his latest book, KISS '76: Twelve Months That Defined the Hottest Band in the Land.

The boys slap on fake mustaches, chase down a fuzzy bassline, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Beastie Boys’ snarling rap-rock classic, Sabotage. News items and digressions include renewed forensic analysis suggesting the death of Kurt Cobain may have been a homicide.

The boys trash trash TV, rage against afternoon soaps, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Public Enemy’s rap-metal riot, She Watch Channel Zero?!. News items and digressions include Flavor Flav trading giant clocks for gold medals as hype man for women’s sports and host of a Las Vegas celebration honoring the United States women’s national ice hockey team’s champi...

The boys flap their arms at hardcore’s art-school evolution, stage-dive into post-genre euphoria, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Turnstile’s ecstatic modern anthem, “Birds.” News items and digressions include the debut of Rock 101, where single-coils and humbuckers are dissected with the precision of bedroom tone scientists who own entirely too many guitar ped...

The boys grab a slice of rock mythology, decode eight-and-a-half minutes of cultural bewilderment, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Don McLean’s 1971 folk-rock campfire epic, “American Pie.” News items and digressions include a look back at the tragic deaths of the Big Bopper, Buddy Holly, and Ritchie Valens.

The boys wind the clocks back to wholesome ’50s nostalgia, sculpt a perfectly greasy pompadour, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Bill Haley & His Comets’ proto-teen anthem, “Rock Around the Clock.” News items and digressions include Washington’s Rules of Civility and Paul Gilbert’s head-scratching lyrical inspiration.

The boys plug in power tools, relive the glory days of fretboard excess, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Mr. Big’s 1991 split personality promise, “Daddy, Brother, Lover, Little Boy (The Electric Drill Song).” News items and digressions include artists reckoning with their own cringe-era lyrics and hardware store innovation.

The boys use punk rock to mock programmed rebellion, sneer at corporate cool, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Dead Kennedys’ 1985 middle-finger-to-the-mainstream manifesto, “MTV-Get Off the Air.” News items and digressions include Alex Honnold free-soloing Taipei with Tool and enjoying overnight AM aliens with Art Bell.

The boys (minus one) break format to pore over poorly picked heroes, say goodbye to “Dangerous” Dave Mustaine, and review Megadeth’s seventeenth, self-titled, and allegedly final studio album.

The boys take a break from amateur pathology to acknowledge the death of music television, bask in the glory of boob-tube nostalgia, and celebrate the cultural earthquake that was MTV by sharing a proudly unscientific list of the ten greatest music videos of all time.