Relationships Let's Talk About It!

David LaMotte is an award-winning musician, speaker, and author. I've known David and have been a huge fan of his music for about 20 years, watching his concerts in Asheville and Black Mountain many times over the years. But it was through his book, Worldchanging 101: Challenging the Myth of Powerlessness, that I got to know his work in peacebuilding. David is someone who has spent many years of h...

Corey Costanzo is the Co-Owner of Asheville's Still Point Wellness Spa, a licensed addiction counselor, trauma specialist, master didgeridoo player, colleague, and good friend. One of the greatest joys in his life involves relating with others. So, it's not surprising that he remembers one sentence I said over a year ago in one of our conversations: that the number one predictor of a relationship'...

Medical decisions and our relationship with experts in the medical field take a prominent role at this stage of the pandemic - and our response to it. Which is why information is crucial, and something Dr. Mark Hoch - Founding Diplomate of the American Board of Integrative Holistic Medicine - is passionate about guiding people through. Mark has been a medical doctor for over 30 years. He received...

We all have our own histories, challenges, and traumas that we bring with us into every relationship. When we begin new relationships, opening up is an exciting part of the journey of getting to know each other. It's easy to talk for hours, to find intimacy in a new connection with another person. But as we move further into our relationships, delving deeper into ourselves and our struggles can be...

If someone asked you to define your perfect partner, how would you respond? Oftentimes, our knee-jerk response focuses on different characteristics and personality traits like 'I want someone kind, caring, compassionate, supportive, and patient." But, before we begin to describe our ideal intimate partner - we need to look within ourselves and ask: "Am I being the person I want my partner to be?"...

Seeking approval from our peers and loved ones is natural. We want other people to like us whenever we walk in the world. Trish Kruger, a licensed clinical mental health counselor for Blue Ridge Treks, believes that our need for validation and approval from others is part of our history as human beings. But, Trish suggests when we start feeling constricted and heavy in the course of seeking approv...

Every one of us, at some point in our sojourn in this world, encounters a point of decision. Whether it's in our work, businesses, or marriage, life confronts us with the choice of staying our course or leaving. Sometimes the choices scare us, and so we put it off. Shaun Rawls - a highly sought-after keynote speaker and author of "F"-IT-LESS - believes that many of us will put off these critical l...

Thomas Doochin moved down the street from our house around the end of 2019. And, through more than a year and a half of knowing each other, he and I have become good friends and neighbors. Thomas is the former CEO of Daymaker, a compassion platform that helps organizations cultivate a deeper connection with their community. After several years in service as Daymaker's chief executive, Thomas is no...

Two people meet under some random circumstance, fall in love, experience some disconnection along the way and question their feelings. Realizing they really love each other, the wedding bells toll. Such is the usual plot of a romantic film. By the time the credits roll and the theater lights up, we already have this assumption that they spend the rest of their lives together in blissful matrimony....

Dealing with our own anger habits in a healthy and productive way can be challenging in itself, but what can often be even more difficult is learning how to deal with receiving someone else's anger in a way that doesn't turn into a conflict or inspire feelings of resentment. If we leave ourselves unchecked, it can be easy to 'feed off' of someone else's anger. Keeping ourselves grounded when recei...

Spiritual practice is a yearning for many of us. One can certainly feel the desire to renounce the world and live a contemplative life in a secluded monastery. But Zen priest and milkman Jonathon Flaum advises that spiritual growth can be found in the everyday. Echoing the teachings of the Buddhist philosopher Dogen, Jonathon warns us that the seeds of awakening can be cultivated by taking care of...

Worrying is a natural inclination. It is inherent in every one of us to want to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and our possessions from harm. Like other emotions, worrying is an element of the human condition that can transform into a detrimental habit when left unchecked. While worrying can show up in our lives and relationships, fashion designer and Artsy Goddess Studio founder Yvonne Rainbo...

Safety, trust, and vulnerability. These are some of the pillars of long-term relationships. That is why infidelity could inflict a deep wound within us - for betrayal stands at the opposite end of what relationships stand for: open-heartedness, transparency, and communication. Licensed marriage & family therapist Jennifer Lehr is the founder and owner of WeConcile, through which she helps couples...

There is something beautiful and affirming about being truly seen and known. To be understood and accepted for who we are, despite our flaws and shortcomings, is a common aspiration in relationships, one which requires us to embrace vulnerability. Greggy Levoy, speaker and author of Vital Signs and Callings , suggests that the choice to show your cards and lower your defenses - despite the fear an...

Practicing yoga can be a stretch for beginners. But while it can put you in a challenging position, did you know that practicing partner yoga as a couple can powerfully impact your relationship? Jenne Sluder is a mental health professional and certified yoga therapist specializing in mind-body approaches to improving mental and physical wellbeing. According to Jenne, yoga is a practice of healing...

Whether we are its origin or its receiver, we all experience anger throughout our lives. While anger isn't necessarily "bad," it is a critical emotion to understand, for what we do with anger has the opportunity to bring our loved ones closer or push them away from us. And like other emotions, we become more accustomed to anger the more we express it without restraint, creating a toxic habit that...

There are many moments in a couple's life that shame and fear show up shrouded in subtlety. While men predominantly feel shame and inadequacy, women tend to go through fear and anxiety. Because of this experiential difference between men and women, it becomes a challenge for couples to understand and navigate the dynamics of shame and fear in relationships. As such, Juan Santos - the owner of Sant...

The willingness to take risks, to be authentic, and to be open to vulnerability is critical to a new relationship. To author and speaker Gregg Levoy and musician and former Silicon Valley tech executive Cindy Nelson, being able to work with each other's darkness and light - not to mention their "crazies" - allows them to go deeper in their connection with each other. Gregg & Cindy both began their...

Whether we're in the dating stage or have been married for many years, there are many ways that we conduct self-defeating behaviors that can undermine our relationships. Some of these behaviors are so deeply rooted in our history that it can become challenging to uncover. Yet, it is human to have self-sabotaging tendencies, stresses Cathy Courtenay, a Conscious Relating Coach who guides people thr...

Emotional attunement is a crucial skill to develop: it enables us to truly understand the people with whom we share moments in our lives, their experience, and their perspective. It allows us to deepen our relationship in a meaningful way. Emotional attunement has allowed the founder of Artsy Goddess Studio , Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, to connect with people and easily empathize throughout her life...

If appreciation is the number one relationship booster, what is the biggest thing that can undermine a relationship? The answer: contempt - that pattern of feelings and behaviors that expresses disgust and scorn towards a person or a group of people, ultimately dehumanizing them. The severity of contempt's impact on people can make it seem like it's easy to recognize; yet, contempt enters relation...

We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - acc...

Once a person recognizes codependent patterns in their relationships, the next important step is to learn how to overcome them. Our friendships can be a source of good modeling and influence our journey through healing codependency in our lives. My friend, Corey Costanzo, is one such friend who encourages my positivity in the world. He is a licensed addictions counselor, bodywork therapist, and so...

Our country is rife with political conversations that tend to divide people. These exchanges can become more challenging when political differences occur in families and close relationships, where a divergence of ideals can strain connection. When the writer, teacher, and food activist Lee Warren recently witnessed one of her peers using aggressive language towards people of the other political sp...

Kelley Johnson, Ph. D., is a professional sexologist. She is a passionate sex educator who provides comprehensive sex education to private and charter schools, as well as small groups. In her work as a sexologist, Kelley guides couples and individuals in resolving sexual issues through non-medical modalities that work within their value system. As a young person, Kelley was profoundly fascinated b...