Relationships Let's Talk About It!

Dr. Chris Mulchay is an ADHD expert and licensed psychologist in North Carolina and Hawaii. Chris is a kind, down-to-earth colleague and officemate with whom I enjoy having great conversations. His practice focuses on assessing ADHD, learning disorders, and custodial evaluations and is dedicated to making evaluations engaging, thoughtful, and efficient. In addition to his practice, Chris also serv...

It's natural for us to want to care for the people we love and make them happy. Many of us are also naturally compassionate and find fulfillment in altruistic endeavors. But there is a fine line between being selfless and being a people-pleaser. It's essential that we discern whether our proclivities towards catering to others' needs come from an authentic desire to help or from a place of fear an...

Codependency is rather insidious: though many people are familiar with the term, they don't know how it manifests in families and impacts relationships. Awareness, Corey Costanzo stresses, is key to healing it. Corey is a licensed addictions counselor and bodywork therapist, somatic experiencing practitioner, a master didgeridoo player, and a good friend of mine. Together with his wife, Robin, Cor...

Benjamin Haynes is a wonderful example of today's young generation. He is a meditator, yogi, and evangelizer of "authentic relating." I was impressed by his presence, groundedness, and the intentional manner in which he spoke when we met about a year ago. After graduating from UNC-Chapel Hill and teaching in Malaysia under a Fulbright grant, Benjamin recently joined Authentic Relating Training, an...

Adley Gartenstein is the former president and co-owner of Film Movement, a distributor of independent, award-winning films from around the world. Over the last two decades, Adley has been a counselor, trainer, and workshop leader in the co-counseling community. My friendship with Adley goes back to 25 years ago when we met at the Esalen Institute. Since then, we've formed a friendship so profound...

Questions about the meaning of trust and how couples can establish it in their relationships frequently come up in my practice as a couples counselor. Trust is a cornerstone of long-term relationships. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, is a fashion designer, artist, and owner of the Artsy Goddess Studio. In the 25 years I have shared with her, trust - in each other, and ourselves as individuals -...

We all have needs. We all have different ways we want our partners to treat us. But sometimes, when we express our needs and wants, it comes out as biting or accusatory, even if we didn't mean for it to. And instead of getting what we wanted, we are met with defensiveness, if not blame. We can't control how others receive us, but we can always control how we express our needs to our partners. It f...

Life isn't fair. So, it's only natural for us to want things to be just. We do our best to create fairness in different areas of our lives: in the economy, in opportunity, and even in our relationships. In our shared life with our partners, we want things to be 50/50, to be equitable. I am a staunch advocate of cultivating balance, but seeking fairness in relationships is different, and attachment...

A lot of people are in tremendous stress as a result of the global pandemic. Some people find themselves falling back to some old behavior patterns that they thought they had already let go. This is what's called regression: a defensive mechanism for coping with stress. It's a common phenomenon many of us experience unconsciously. Corey Costanzo - a licensed addictions counselor and good friend of...

Laura Morton has been in the entertainment industry for more than 25 years as a writer, producer, and entrepreneur. She has written over 40 books, 19 of which have become New York Times bestsellers, including The Truth Is…: My Life in Love and Music , an autobiography she co-authored with Melissa Etheridge. Today, Laura is on a mission to bring anxiety out of the darkness and help normalize it: a...

When something is enduring and permanent, we can often take it for granted. This happens in long-term relationships, too, and when we take it for granted, we assume it will take care of itself. We go full-on autopilot in our relationship, abandoning all semblance of control, and think that by the end of it all, our partners will still be there. There are so many ways that we put our relationship o...

Many people from the older generation, or even from my generation, think of younger people in a negative light. They accuse millennials of being lazy, entitled, or disengaged from life - but that's not at all my experience with them, and it's not Zander's experience with his diligent peers, either. My son, Zander Teplitsky, is turning 24, and is spending the summer at home, on break from his studi...

Gregg Levoy is a lecturer and seminar leader in the areas of business, education, and human potential. As a speaker, Gregg has delivered workshops and keynotes for organizations such as Microsoft and the Smithsonian. He is an eloquent writer whose books, Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Your Passion for Life and Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life , reflect his mission of help...

Cathy Courtenay is a Conscious Relating Coach who brings her heart and listening skills to everything that she does, whether it's dance or Body-Mind Centering. She is a true gift to the relational world, and through leading the Art of Circling, Cathy cultivates a safe space for people where they can stand in their truth and experience what is real for them. Responding to life's call to find truth,...

Trusting employees is crucial to the growth of a company. Whether you're leading a Fortune 500 company or a three-person podcast production company that operates remotely, you need to foster good relations by giving employees autonomy and freedom. That's the wisdom of Kate Astrakhan, an audio engineer and technical podcast producer. She is the founder of Podcast Network Solutions , a podcast post-...

So often, couples come into my office wanting to change their partner. They highlight how their partner is doing 'this' and not enough of 'that,' as if they're returning a defective item and want a refund. Yet, so rarely does change in our partners happen when they're forced or nagged to do it - at the very least, they'll only feel forced, controlled, and disrespected. And in trying to change our...

If a relationship is a garden, what is the number one thing you could do to make it thrive? You might think it's sex, but the number one relationship booster is appreciation. Appreciation is the most potent tool couples can use to cultivate their relationship with each other, their friends, and their family. My 25-year-long relationship with my wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, has grown through min...

Many of us maintain daily practices. They bring us to a state of a balanced and stable mind. For some, that practice is yoga or meditation, while for others, it could be writing morning pages or creating art. For Corey Costanzo, it's doing didgeridoo meditation sessions. Corey - a colleague and long-time friend of mine - is a master didgeridooist who has been playing the instrument for over 20 yea...

It's a question I've encountered in my practice so many times: is love a feeling or an action? Is it both or more of one than the other? If love is a feeling, is it possible to feel it without taking actions that reflect it? If love is a choice, how do we choose to love our partners, friends, and family over many years of challenges? These are all profound and important questions, for they reflect...

"It is better to give than to receive." That's an adage we've all been taught. While giving is indeed a gracious act, we're not taught how to receive it - which is equally noble. To fully experience, appreciate, and receive kindness is a gift we give back to the giver. Yet, we sometimes struggle to accept gestures of kindness and, in this struggle, we even think that we're not worthy of generosity...

An apology, meaningfully and thoughtfully given, transforms. It transforms us, empowering us to take ownership of our actions and behavior. It transforms relationships between couples, paving the way for love and intimacy. It transforms relationships between peoples, giving them the courage to take responsibility for the past and standing up for racial equality and justice. These are lessons I kee...

It is a heavy time in America. Viruses are taking the nation by storm - and not just the ones that cause disease. I was young when the Detroit riots in 1967 broke out. Some 50 years later, we still have the same issues: African-Americans are still being oppressed and assaulted by police. Racism is a prevalent issue that all of us need to discuss and resolve. We need to step up our game in addressi...

In cultivating a loving relationship, practicing self-care as individuals is as essential as co-creating the relationship itself as a couple. The journey to our inner individual worlds helps us maintain a healthy sense of self that will spring the wellbeing we can bring to our relationship. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, is a self-care inspiration. She is a fashion designer, artist, and the fo...

When your partner asks you about what you're feeling, what's your typical response? Do you attempt to change the subject or joke around? Freeze for a while? Or maybe start blaming your partner? Everyone can find it challenging to open up their inner world of emotions - but a lot of men find it particularly difficult to do. It's understandable why the topic of emotions and feelings can be puzzling...

If there's another big contagion going around, it's blame. Its infectious nature is so profound that it goes back and forth between a couple, trapping them in a cycle of criticism, pain, and disempowerment. No one wins in a relationship that plays the blame game - it has no positive impact on any of the parties involved. It's sometimes difficult for people to see themselves tethered with the chain...