Psychology of Dating Podcast

Every emotion we experience has an action urge.  For example, when feeling afraid the urge is the avoid or run away, when feeling excited the urge is to approach a situation. Sometimes these urges are not effective to act upon, when the emotion (or intensity of the emotion) does not match the situation, or acting on the urge does not help with your long term goals. In this episode: - Learn about e...

Painful or uncomfortable dating situations can trigger rumination, repetitive negative thoughts. Rumination can increase anxiety, depression, and stress.  In this episode: - Learn about the function of rumination - Learn skills to manage rumination For more information on coaching or psychology sessions: https://www.nadineneukirch.com Get your FREE guide: Top 3 Mindset Shifts in Dating: https://ww...

How to show care, interest, and kindness to those you are dating? In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) the 'GIVE skill' helps people focus on keeping or maintaining healthy relationships. In this episode: - Learn about the DBT 'GIVE skill', be gentle, act interested, validate, and easy manner - Apply this GIVE skill to your dating situations Eist, H. I. (2015). DBT Skills Tra...

In dating it is natural to encounter uncomfortable thoughts and feelings- anxiety, low mood, burnout, fear of rejection, fear of putting effort in and it not working out. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) there is a skill called the 'Choice Point', the choice to make decisions based on trying to avoid pain (which ultimately doesn't work), or make decisions based on your val...

Are you ever tired of the conversations on dating apps? Feeling bored, fatigued of the same conversations and questions? In this episode: - Learn about the difference between a boring vs interesting message - Learn components of an interesting message to cultivate yourself FREE Guide on Top 3 Mindset Shifts in Dating: https://www.nadineneukirch.com Thanks for tuning in to The Psychology of Dating...

Rejection can be a difficult emotion to manage. People can not only have a fear of being rejected, but also of doing the rejection. If you have a fear of ending connections with others, you may engage in behaviours incongruent with your values, such as ghosting someone or not being fully honest. You may also limit yourself in dating, such as avoid going on dates. In this episode: - Learn about key...

Fear of being rejected is common in dating. Fear of rejection can lead to increased self-criticism, overgeneralisation, and assuming the worst of ourselves or the dating situation, "No-one will ever love me" "I'll never find a good match""I'm too flawed".  In this episode: - Learn about key impacts from fear of rejection and how this can hold you back in dat...

Having self-respect involves pride, self-love, and knowing your worth. If you have healthy self-respect, then confidence increases and it makes it easier to reach you goals in dating. With healthy self-respect, we treat ourselves more kindly, and others treat you with more respect. Or we more clearly know it is not a healthy relationship. In this episode: - Learn about the importance of self-respe...

It can be common in dating to have fears about speaking up and naming dynamics that make you uncomfortable. People can assume they are 'too needy or sensitive', worry they will 'scare' people away, or have beliefs they need to 'play the game' and not let someone else know how much they were impacted by an action. In this episode: - Learn about the impacts of not asser...

Overscheduling and Underscheduling can be common habits of dating. That is, going on so many dates you begin to feel exhausted and neglect other aspects of your life, or quit dating altogether limiting your ability to meet your dating goals.  In this episode: - Learn about the impacts of of overscheduling and underlying reasons we may do this - Build habits to maintain consistency in dating to hel...

What you define as 'success' in dating, can dramatically impact how pressured, stressed, and disheartened you feel, OR create feelings of pride, empowerment, and energy in the dating process.  In this episode: - Listen to common unhelpful definitions of 'success' in dating and the impacts - Learn about helpful goal posts to define achievement and success as you go through the d...

It is common to find it hard to let go of painful dating situations, even though they happened in the past, and you cannot change them. When we have pain in life, and do not accept this, then we experience suffering. Pain we cannot change, suffering we can.  In this episode: - Learn about the signs of non-acceptance, when your mind and body tries to fight realty - Learn about the skill 'Radic...

It is common in dating to have judgments and biases that obscure dating experiences. For example, people may make up stories about how a person is, based on a few photos and words on an app, and make quick judgments if they would be a helpful match or not.  In this episode: - Understand how biases influence dating, particularly when using dating apps - Learn 6 core mindfulness skills from Dialecti...

Boundary setting can be challenging in dating, people may neglect their emotions and needs and over-extend themselves with others. Ultimately this increases emotional suffering, such as stress, anxiety, frustration, and resentment. Lack of boundaries decreases the chance of a healthy fulfilling relationship.  In this episode: - Learn about types of boundaries: including time, emotional, and physic...

Difficulties in dating can build up hurt, resentment, and feelings of rejection. We can take these difficult feelings into dating experiences, creating biases and judgments, even for new dates. Wishing others happiness not only brings joy to those around us, but also to ourselves. Increased kindness and compassion can calm the nervous system, and help reduce stress hormones which increase biases a...

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) there is an assertiveness skill 'DEAR MAN', this acronym helps structure what to say when you would like to get an objective, your needs met, or say 'no' to an unwanted request. In this episode: Learn how to apply the assertiveness skills of DEAR MAN : - D escribe the situation - E xpress how you feel - A ssert your needs - R einforce - M...

Our nervous systems impact every aspect of health, both emotional and physical. A stabilised nervous system can reduce dating burnout and anxiety, and increase energy and clear thinking. In this episode: Learn about 5 core self-care act to stabilise nervous system health:     - sleep     - regular meals     - social support     - physical activity     - activities that provide enjoyment & achi...

Dating is full of ambiguous and uncertain situations, D o they like me? Do I like them? Will this be a long term relationship? Why did they end it? It is common to try and control situations outside of our control to reduce the discomfort of uncertainty, however, ultimately this increases suffering in dating. In this episode: - Learn about the costs of not being able to tolerate uncertainty - Buil...

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) they describe 3 mind states: 'Wise Mind', 'Reasonable Mind' & 'Emotion Mind'. Understanding these different states of mind can increase understanding of your decisions in dating, impulsive or pragmatic, and increase ability to make effective choices based on both your emotions and the facts of the situation.  In this episode:...

People pleasing frequently comes up in dating, this shapes how people act and who they attract. People who over people-please neglect their own needs and hinders their ability to feel secure and safe being themselves in a relationship.  In this episode: - Learn about healthy vs unhealthy people pleasing - Impacts of people pleasing on dating experiences - Strategies to reduce people pleasing For m...

In this episode: - Learn about the signs of dating anxiety/stress - Rationale for mindfulness meditation - Guided Meditation for anxiety/stress (if you'd like to go straight to the meditation tune in at 6min 55 secs) FREE Guide on Top 3 Mindset Shifts in Dating: https://www.nadineneukirch.com Thanks for tuning in to The Psychology of Dating Podcast . If you found this episode helpful, please...

Doubt thoughts are part of the process of dating. People frequently experience thoughts such as "It's not working", "I'm wasting my time", which can increase dating anxiety and burnout. This can lead to people ceasing effective dating steps- ultimately leading them further from their relationship goal.  In this episode: - Learn about the function of doubt thoughts and...

When people experience difficulties in dating they can have 'non-dialectical' thinking. This includes rigid, black and white, and all-or-nothing thinking, which can create intense emotions and lead to unhelpful actions in dating.  In this episode: - Learn about dialectical and non-dialectical thinking and the impacts - Learn 4 key strategies from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) which...

Attachment styles influence how we think and behave in relationships. Our primary relationships from childhood create blueprints for how we engage in future relationships, particularly with people we date.  In this episode: - Learn 3 key attachment styles and how they relate to dating dynamics: Anxious, Avoidant & Secure - Identify strengths and challenges for each attachment style - Identify...

Unhelpful and rigid beliefs in dating take people further away from their dating goals. Often without conscious awareness, these beliefs can influence people's thoughts, feelings, and actions when trying to find a relationship.  In this episode: - Learn how unhelpful/rigid beliefs impact your dating - Apply the technique of 'behavioural experiments' to increase flexible thinking and...