Professional Contestants

You've probably heard of Brackets before, mostly because we tell you about it almost every episode. Well if you never got around to listening to it then open up those ears because your favorite Contestants are bringing it right to you! Welcome to the crossover of our two shows, serving up the quality ranting of ProCo in the semi-organized format of Brackets. Zach affirms the dangers of pots and pa...

Look out everyone, we're coming into this one hot! We've all got differing opinions on patriotic movies, laughing at failure, and even eating raw meats. But there's one thing we can agree on: we are gonna need a lot of trombones to pull this plan off! Wait, whats that? Oh, we're not in agreement on that either? Then your guess is as good as ours when it comes to how The Contestants are going to co...

Apple Android Rss SHOW NOTES Sometimes here at Professional Contestants we have to do things we don't like in order to win a game show. This is NOT one of those times. If you don't think that oiling up and listening to Lionel Richie music all night while running an obstacle course sounds like a great time then there's really nothing else we can do for you. We're forming bands, reading fan fics, an...

When we first laid eyes on the Big Board, we knew that something about it was familiar. That's because we are a cultured bunch and are familiar with the story of Harry Potter. We must respect the Sorting Hat, and likewise, the Big Board… but if it tries to sort us into the Whammy house ONE MORE TIME we're gonna stab it with a sword! The Contestants are going magical and getting lost in their own m...

Hey! Rob Lowe is a busy guy. He only has three days to film an entire season of a game show. He can't afford to shut down production just because TWELVE guys with swords are challenging him to a duel. Oh, wait, it's just one? Everyone take five: Rob's gotta bust a sucker real quick. Zach becomes a "Rock", Jared hates on Samurai Imposters, and Adam defends the Good Columbus. Talking Points Include:...

Some old bones just can't keep up with new tech in the modern game show era, and that can lead to some of our classic favorites getting the boot. But there are some of those that are worth saving, and Millionaire is one of them. But if we're bringing it back, a few changes need to be made. Specifically, a lot of people in the world already have one million dollars, so… we can just take it from the...

You hear a prompt to take off your blindfold. You're in a ten by ten room and a robotic voice is talking to you, telling you that you name is now a number and this is your new home. Wait… this is my new home? Time for a housewarming party! The Contestants are moving into their new studio homes and invoking tenants rights on Solitary. Zach loosely interprets the meaning of torture, Jared finds the...

The Contestants have found themselves in Game Show Detention, and this Teach is one real meanie-pants. But as we all know, there is one tried and true way to break a strict teacher's mean demeanor: The Cool Kids. Watch out BBC, these 80's clichés are coming with cigarettes and angst to take down The Weakest Link.  Zach works hard for the episode's explicit tag, Jared confuses well known celebritie...

Finally! All those hours Adam and Jared spent drinking beer and watching Spy Kids in college are finally paying off! Who would have thought that all of that knowledge of the Robert Rodriguez canon would be useful down the road now that The Contestants need to train a Spy Kid of their own. However, going unnoticed isn't going to be easy when facing off against Spy Kids alum Ricky Gervais on Child S...

Often, the most dangerous situations are disguised in a false sense of security, and the bizarro world to everyone's favorite pricing game is no different. We have dealt with him before, but now Wayne Brady is on his home turf, and there's no telling how much improvised singing will be needed to best him at his own game. The Contestants are finally stepping into the wacky, costumed, zonk filled wo...

It's an episode so nice, we did it twice! Welcome back to our plan, where we've apparently decided that we didn't give the rest of Fester's family enough attention in the last episode. The Contestants expand on their already solid plan and figure out not only how to sneak a third twin in and out of the race, but also how to get both laces AND velcro onto the same shoe. We've spent double the time...

Welcome all, to the first game show we've faced thus far that is SO BIG we've split our plan into TWO (2) episodes! So this one is all about getting on the show, and if we all have to shave our heads, wear trench coats, and hide from the sun for months to make it happen, then so be it. There's gonna be some stiff competition as we jockey for a spot on The Amazing Race! Zach is throwing a Jolly, Ja...

When the Hell tormented ghost of a playwright with unfinished work hands you a copy of one of his very good plays, don't ask questions, just do the play! And if you cooperate not only will you get the chance to perform it on Broadway, but you wont get dragged to Hell. How's that for a good deal! The Contestants are going to have their cake and eat it too as they both produce the next big hit on st...

Look, we don't want to frighten you, but just know that we are here to win, and if things don't go our way all it takes is a couple of toots on this whistle and the place will be swarming with beefcakes in seconds. So why don't you just ignore the fact that the big Plinko board is tilted and let us rack up a few million real quick. Nothing short of an actual earthquake is gonna keep us from robbin...

So if it takes 12 hours to cold brew tea, and 3 minutes to steep it hot, then we can probably get someone to tell us their life story in an hour or so if we are all in a hot tub. That tracks, right?? Prepare for our new novelty interview show where we are going to steam the secrets out of professional quizzer "The Beast" and Slumdog Millionaire our way to a win on The Chase. Zach is Papa Pup, Jare...

Do you think you have what it takes to successfully hide a case worth $100,000 from a team of trained investigators for 48 hours in your home city? We sure don't, but that's not gonna stop us from trying! Also, on an unrelated topic, you haven't somehow seen the movie Flushed Away have you? Zach thinks he would do well in interrogation, Jared thinks he would do well in solitary confinement, and Ad...

When they go wild, we go mild, and when dealing with a game show that is as wild as this week's, we are turning to our most bland experiences for inspiration: elementary school library classes. Find the nearest outlet! The Contestants are wheeling the TV cart into Silent Library. Zach doesn't laugh, Jared looks to Disney characters for assistance, and Adam searches for a new nickname. Talking Poin...

The Iditarod is upon us! The brave musher and sled dog teams participating in the event are rushing to Nome as we speak. As we learn more about the marathon, we have begun to realize that it may be a little more difficult to win than we first thought. But don't worry, we've played Beerio Kart and watched Van Helsing before, so I'm pretty sure we'll be alright. Zach drinks his beer at the end, Jare...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE IDITAROD HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN! Buuuuuutt, it's like an 8-10 day race and we still have some time so what if we just talked about a mediocre animal themed game show filmed at a zoo? Yeah, let's do that. Animal Planet Zooventure here we come! Zach is fooled by true/false questions, Jared launches a new Big Dog segment, and Adam confuses Hunter and Dundee. Talking Points Inc...

When it comes time for all NBC employees to sign their new contracts, it can be difficult to get everyone at once. Offer free pizza, however, and you wont be able to keep them away. So come one come all! The Contestants are monitoring a contract signing/pizza party/game night mixer to see which famous icons will be the best teammates for our inevitable conquest of Hollywood Game Night. Zach solves...

When you can't decide whether your best potential Mini-Game Sensei is a circus performer or a hibachi chef, you put those hands together and take it on a worldwide tour. With 190+ possible challenges to face, The Contestants are searching for whoever can best prepare them for the ridiculous gauntlet of household items that stands between them and the finish line of Minute to Win It.  Zach insists...

Happy Smoochie Week everyone! To celebrate we are discussing the most famous matchmaking game show of all time. Except now there are six potential matches who perform physical challenges. Also it takes place in a stadium. And everyone is dressed up like Pokemon. Wait, what was this show originally? Oh, that's right! The Contestants are giving a modern punch up to The Dating Game. Zach doesn't know...

We here at Professional Contestants, inc. are no strangers to dicey situations, but even we are having a little trepidation with forming a plan that will land us a baby for a teammate. Buuuuuttt... if a baby just happens to show up to the game show set at the same time as us, it's not our fault if everyone assumes its ours. With Jack Daniels and Reba on their side, there's nothing to stop these th...

Is it Boyz II Men? Is it Destiny's Child? Is it Billy Joel and his three throats? No one can know for sure when the Magic 8 Ball takes the stage! The Contestants are continuing their campaign to become more prominent in the public eye as they take on the brand new game show, The Masked Singer. Zach is a sexy mug, Jared is a sexy Joel McHale, and Adam is a sexy crab. Talking Points Include: Zach's...

As we all know, having a good role model in life is essential when striving to become a Cool Dood, and when it comes to celebrities, there is no exception. But when there are so many Cool Doods out there, how can we ever be sure that everyone has been matched up with the right mentors? Enter The Contestants, who have solved this issue with one enormous awards show event! It is purely for the impro...