Professional Contestants

March, 2007. I'm on a boat. My mom? Well my mom's on a slide in the Play Place at the McDonalds in Vancouver, Canada. No, this doesn't really have anything to do with the episode, but it sure was intriguing, wasn't it?!?! The Contestants are actually taking a more serious turn this week to try to build a more prominent reputation in the Chicago celebrity community. We're going to bring our resolut...

It is always darkest before the dawn. All steel must be forged in fire. And all game show hosts must suffer through really crappy game shows before they earn a place in Price is Right Nirvana. But don't worry 2007 Drew Carey, the ProCo Boys are here to cheer you on. And exploit your struggle just a little bit. Zach roasts our friend Drew, Jared tries to celebrate an anniversary, and Adam wants to...

When the world's greatest detective is the one who is murdered, who is left to discover the culprit? Probably the other two world's greatest detectives who showed up with them. The Contestants are daring to walk away from Ellen Degeneres' new game show not only with the top money prize, but also with the new title of Masters of Pranks. We are bringing murder mystery to Ellen's Game of Games. Zach...

Happy Holidays All! The Contestants are getting into the holiday spirit, and for us that means adopting a sloth son and planning a wedding at the zoo. Join us in our holiday festivities and watch us win The Great Christmas Light Fight if you would like. Just be cool and don't ruin the animal atmosphere by being a stupid human. Zach fills out various forms, Jared ponders sloth kisses, and Adam lear...

So lets be honest, do any of us really know whats going on up in Alaska or Canada's Northwest Territories? To us, it sounds like the perfect place to launch a career as Ice Pirates. The Contestants are courageously becoming seasonal route truck drivers with the goal of gaining eternal infamy and cementing their legacy in the dangerous world of Ice Road Truckers. Zach's going to be in a hot air bal...

The Right Honorable Earls Professional Contestants are now present, and they're about to bake you some Chocolate Pizza that will blow your mind! The Contestants are about to jump into a British baking show with an American title with the goal of becoming American citizens with British titles. Step aside you Brits! We're taking back The Great American Baking Show! Zach develops a foolproof baking c...

I know no way of judging the future but by the past… and in our case the past consists of disclosing your darkest personality flaws for national television and the Springer audience. The Contestants are here re-haul Earth's global governing system so that it takes on the format of Jerry's 'sexy secret revealing' game show, Baggage. Zach needs sandwich breaks, Jared wants to class up the place, and...

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and in a world where a man's word is more important than almost anything else, sacrifices must be made to preserve what little canon has already been established in 43 short episodes. This week, The Contestants find no other option than to stare down the barrel of Franks n' Beans and Creamed Corn in order to stomach the nauseating game show, Hurl! Zach...

The puzzle board has started making lewd references and Pat Sajak directed a knowing wink at the camera. This can only mean one thing… Nasty Week has begun! But is this good news for The Contestants? Listen to find out as previously undiscovered areas are revealed in Wheel of Fortune! Zach would like to buy an owl, Jared can't remember the name Vanna, and Adam knows a real life Wheel of Fortune co...

What's in the box? It can be anything you want. It is simultaneously everything, and yet nothing. And if you vote for The Contestants in the California gubernatorial recall election that we all know is coming, you may just find out what's inside… that is as soon as we make off with the winnings from Who Wants to be Governor of California: The Debating Game. Zach pictures a cardboard box, Jared pic...

Lets start this just by saying that we're sorry. Not only has this episode come to you a day late, but The Contestants are stepping up to, without a doubt, the worst game show they've confronted to date. They are going to have to have some calm nerves, a lot of turkey, and inspiration from a classic film in order to make it through The Moment of Truth. Zach creates the very serious word "smig", Ja...

Happy Snake Day! As we reach the end of the Snake With Big Teeth season, there is only one horror game (show) that is insane enough to be worthy of sending off our favorite holiday. The Contestants are looking to inspire a change of heart in the trap man himself as we take on the 2004 cult classic, Saw. Zach is dedicated to cleaning the bathroom, Jared does a great impression of waking up in a dir...

They say that the enemy of our enemy is our friend. But what if the enemy of our enemy is also our enemy? And what if those two enemies are The Cryptkeeper and a bunch of 90's kids? The Contestants are dealing with some tough decisions as they try to make heads or tails of the confusing Saturday morning game show, Secrets of the Cryptkeeper's Haunted House. Zach Just wants to have fun, Jared strug...

Sauce: The Universal Tool. Listen as The Contestants employ the use of sauce by any definition to pull a Parent Trap and ultimately emerge victorious on the anxiety ridden gross out game show Fear Factor. Zach blacks out and rants about G. Gordon Liddy, Jared reveals his early game show experience, and Adam makes some extreme sweet and sour claims. Talking Points Include: Thriller Tech, The Candy...

As ProCo's A Snake With Big Teeth Month™ continues, The Contestants find themselves drawing inspiration from a classic video game to devise a contraption capable of sifting through unpleasantness and targeting some filthy money. Three vacuums, three boys, and one real big set of clothes are about to take on Estate of Panic. Adam is ass, Jared is left arm, Zach is everything else. Talking Points In...

Spooky times are upon us. The moon is full, the ghosts are on the loose, and the game shows are more absurd than ever. In an effort to better their chances of surviving in a square mile of Lithuanian forest beyond the rule of law, The Contestants prepare to organize an unusual strike and unionize the titular canines in the horror game show, Release The Hounds. Zach is ready to get crunk, Jared jus...

Okay folks, this one is actually a little scary. I mean, someone was hospitalized after this game show once. So The Contestants are going to do what anyone would do when facing their fears, make Charlie Sheen do it instead! Get ready to see him enter The Chamber! Zach refuses to acknowledge torture fetish, Jared is concerned for the safety of Martin Sheen, and Adam forces the others to take a very...

The Contestants set their sights for the stars with the decision to try their hand in the growing field of private space programs. This will apparently help them win the student loan focused game show, Paid Off. Zach really wants to recreate Accepted, Jared is ready to wipe out student debt entirely, and Adam thinks no one will notice a billion dollar loan differential. Talking Points Include: Zac...

Imagine if you will: you've traveled for miles and weeks, following treasure maps and solving clue after clue until you have finally arrived at your destination. You open the chest before you and inside is… nothing? That's right, we beat you to it! This week The Contestants decide to skip the busy work and go straight for their biggest payout to date as they take on the reality game show, Treasure...

It's the big one folks. Jeopardy! You asked for it, and we avoided talking about it directly by almost exclusively discussing the logistic morality behind turning Alex Trebek into a robot. The Contestants are looking to ensure the future of Jeopardy! for years to come. Zach proposes a Trebek blender, Jared proposes a Trebek hologram, Adam proposes a Trebek cyborg. Talking Points Include: Our Belat...

You know us: the three toughest guys around. Angsty, shredded, and rearin' for a tussle. Too bad a game show named Russian Roulette that is literally hosted by Mark Walberg can't match our level of tough. Cause we came here to do two things: kick ass and chew bubble gum. And we got 400 pieces of bubble gum. Zach's into trampolines, Jared learns how to tell a joke, and Adam fights for some gum. Tal...

Attention Netflix! Your giant obstacle course is now the legal property of the Sovereign Nation of Shoe: the new country that is completely dedicated to Rocky Balboa. Don't worry, nothing will change with Beastmaster and the game will stay perfectly fair (wink). Zach creates an accent, Jared is stuck in a hole, and Adam FINALLY decides on a nickname. Talking Points Include: The Comedy Hole, The BE...

Ben Stein's pot of 5,000 dollars is being guarded by a very rude Jimmy Kimmel. In order to beat the Boring Man at his own game, the Contestants are going to dive deep into his subconscious and revel his cool party persona. Zach has a zebra bit, Jared's in Chicago, and Adam is too good for poop jokes. Talking Points Include: Traveling Boys, The Zoo Union, Plan #2, Jimmy is a Shit, Jerry Likes the G...

You thought the podcast discussions about Bubble Gum Trolls and throwing food at cats were the most ridiculous thing around? Wait until you hear what ol' Sethward the Walrus Man is up to. Zach discusses the Absurdist movement, Jared eats some jelly, and Adam craves good physical comedy. Talking Points Include: The Comedy Police, What is a Toad, Tommy Maitland, The Chicken Man, Slinky Josh, Pushing...

It may be Shark Week, but the only Sharks the Contestants care about are the ones strapped with cash and knee-deep in Party Wine. So get ready to invest listeners, as we pitch you a product you never knew you needed: the ability to smell just like Brenden Frasier. Zach does birthday chores, Jared starts a hotline, and Adam chickens out of a mustache. Talking Points Include: All the Birthdays, Huma...