Professional Contestants

The scientists at IBM are baffled: they don't know how their Jeopardy computer got arms and legs, but Watson got up and left on it's own accord. That cube hopped on a bus and won't stop until it finds what it's looking for: love. And/Or cash. Zach investigates a president, Jared distrusts game show hosts, and Adam advocates for a funny little dance. Talking Points Include: Boy George Washington, P...

When dealing with a group of impractical grown men who refer to themselves as jokers, the logical strategy is to be extremely practical bat men. The problem is none of us are actually that similar to Batman. But if we pool our characteristics! Together we can combine to maybe kinda almost be close to a single Batman. We'll make Alf our butler too. I mean, we're pretty close, right? Zach defends Ja...

"We aren't, as human beings, very good at acting in our best interest." – Malcolm Gladwell, discussing his friendship with Bigfoot. Look, are you still expecting the title to make sense? This episode is good, trust me. Zach misses an article, Jared thinks about Bigfoot, and Adam finds a new name for the podcast. Talking Points Include: Moved a House, Scary Campers, Celebrity Bigfoot, Peter Rabbit'...

Pro basketball is going to be pretty different this year, and we don't think anyone is gonna like it. Sure, the season is starting up again, but wouldn't it be so much more fun if all the NBA players just had a field day? Some friendly competition in events other than basketball is just what we all need! Also, just please don't ask about Goofy. He is supposed to stay in the basement. Zach wants to...

For years kids have been told not to talk to strangers, but we now live in the PostYouTube Era. Kids are bolder than ever and we'd appreciate it if they would just leave us alone. So kids, PLEASE don't talk to us adults. We don't want to be a part of your schemes. Well, except for Jim Carrey of course. That dude is down for anything. Zach relies on children for YouTube tutorials, Jared argues that...

Welcome to the newly sovereign nation of Splatalot! You can only be here for one of two reasons. Either you are a child here to challenge our king, or you are trying to get us to return this land to the Canadian government. Either way, this is Gildar. He is going to fight you. Zach believes he has found the perfect game show, Jared is keen on inciting a revolution, and Adam searches for a b-list c...

Greetings, young Padawan! Three rules, the Jedi have. DON'T hit Mom with your laser sword. DON'T fall to the Dark Side. DON'T hit Dad with your laser sword.* *It's okay to hit Dad with your laser sword. Zach defends the Phantom Menace, Jared defends smoking, and Adam is unsure on whom to chop. Talking Points Include: Everybody Gets a Star War, Return of The Summer of Summers, Kids' Prizes, Becomin...

Too many of today's celebrities think they are hot stuff and can just create a game show. On top of that, some of them think they are real funny and make jokes about the contestants on their game show. Luckily, the world's three foremost experts on game shows are here to knock those celebs down a peg. Catch us and our big stoic rock on Thursday nights on ABC getting hurt and bawling for minutes at...

Gods. Kings. A labyrinth. A Minotaur. Lots of cheese. Bank loans. Teddy Ruxpin. A mouse named Algernon? Ok, we definitely lost the plot somewhere in there, but just focus on this. With these highly trained sniffers, we can certainly navigate a maze if there's a big stash of cheese at the end. Now if we can just make that cheese as valuable as gold we'll be filthy rich! Zach flexes his knowledge ab...

Our covers have been blown wide open. We're caught behind enemy lines. It turns out that we were all hired by the same employer and set up for failure. So... there is only one logical thing left for us to do. We're going to steal Anderson Cooper's identity and vote him off of his own game show as revenge for giving us expired Chili's gift cards. Zach doesn't want to be a mole at all, Jared wants t...

Before you even start with us, we know! Okay? We are fully aware we were duped and Holey Moley's second season really isn't any different than the first. And YES, we know that our original plan wasn't that great either. So like... maybe this time we just talk about Magic Tree House and a Google Drive based NBA the whole time? Yeah? Sounds good. Zach is thinking about ChalkZone, Jared reveals his f...

Crabs! Crabs! Look over here crabs! We want you to be successful when you rise from the sea to storm the Alaskan beaches, so make sure to have plenty of Auntie Anne's Pretzels and Orange Julius for fighting power! It is truly the best military secret we humans have to offer! This will teach those mean men to stop catching you for the entertainment of reality television! Zach imagines a new Hooters...

We can all think back to the good times we've had on a playground, and no matter who you are, we have all played the de facto king of playground games. Ask anyone and they will tell you, there's nothing quite like a rowdy game of Clog The Slide. Get ready to feel that nostalgia for being smashed inside of a dark tube! Oh yeah, and we talk about a game show too. Zach is scared of being smushed, Jar...

Look, we know that the entertainment industry is facing a crippling financial crisis due to long term shutdowns and social distancing orders. Well here at ProCo HQ, we think it's the perfect time to start thinking outside the box. As soon as we turn Marlon Brando into poop, the world can start to heal, one emoji at a time. Zach believes people will pay to take a photo with clouds, Jared thinks Won...

What's up, bros?! We're glad you can all be here for beer and roughhousing! Ya know, just boy stuff! Lets make friends with a toy cowboy, knock Santa off the roof, and then transform into a dog! Ya know, guy stuff! Now lets trick Tim Allen out of his entire net worth in a series of increasing side bets over a game of pool! Ya know, just some boy stuff! Zach knows a lot about Christmas with the Kra...

A bit of blackjack advice to those who have enough sense to take it. Never split tens, always stand on a hard seventeen, and if the dealer turns The Left Leg of The Forbidden One SPRINT OUT OF THE BUILDING! Once Yu-Gi-Oh meets blackjack someone's grandpa is going to the shadow realm, and these three hot pharaohs are taking that knowledge to the bank on Catch 21. Zach pitches a way to battle with b...

"I say, Grapes. This chardonnay is truly exquisite." "It would be more exquisite if you weren't drinking it out of a RED wine glass, Hot Frasier." Now imagine this scene surrounded by a bunch of hot coeds and they are all doing physical challenges. That's some irresistible television! Welcome to our self sustaining sitcom within The Challenge. Zach is Hot Frasier's Hot Dad, Jared is Hot Frasier, a...

Come here sonny. It is me, your actual grandma. Just put down that buzz saw and come a little bit closer so that I can... CHOMP! That's right! All you "tough" robot fighters better watch out, because Grandma is on a warpath and she's not gonna stop till she is the ultimate super heavyweight champion of BattleBots! Zach wants Your Actual Grandma to have a strong tongue, Jared wants Your Actual Gran...

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness whispered into their ear while they are taking a nap. That third one is obviously the only way we are going to get Glee creator Ryan Murphy to make a new season of his great high school show, but this time staring an old janitor and his parrot. This pure TV gold is coming at you straight from The Glee Project. Zach has opinions a...

Ok, here's the plan. Like all good heists, the target will be distracted while our elite team of five sneaks in and retrieves the reward. The distraction: Jumanji. The team: ProCo + Banderas and Shalhoub. The objective: The Win. Who says we have to heist something physical? We're taking on esports for the first time as we target The League of Legends World Championship. Zach is Clean Tom, Jared is...

Y'all remember Bionicles? Remember how super cool they were and how you definitely wanted to be intimate with them? Just make sure to keep that in mind when the inevitable Bionicle invasion happens. It will help the whole situation go down much smoother. It's all for a good cause anyway because that invasion is going to be our key to outbuilding the competition in LEGO Masters. Zach dreams of a ch...

Fact No. 1: Anyone is more intimidating when they are on a horse. Fact No. 2: Horses are super powerful and can definitely beat you up. Fact No. 3: A horse can take on five armored knights simultaneously if the horse also has armor and knows karate. Need I say more? We are riding this horse straight to the Armored Combat League and becoming the champions of Knight Fight. Zach thinks the horse shou...

Gather round kids, and I'll tell you the story of how an elephant saved an entire civilization that existed on a delicious nacho cheese snack chip. The world consisted entirely of branded products and cost over five hundred million dollars to broadcast live to the viewers of a certain annual big game. Oh yeah, and the dude who directed Thor was involved. Stop asking about The Drinking Game Show. W...

THE CONTESTANTS ARE BACK FOR SEASON TWO BABY! As we return from our brief hiatus, we have the urge to change things up a bit, and the energy we're bringing is gonna be wild. To kick off this new phase of the ProCo saga, we are jumping head first into future of reality game shows. Welcome to The Circle, where despite the fact that players only interact via social media, we can still find a way fake...

100 episodes. 97 plans created. It'd be a shame to let all this game show knowledge go to waste. Finally, on our 100th episode of Professional Contestants, the leading experts on Game Show Studies will create the world's most perfect game show. Buckle up. Zach makes a PowerPoint, Jared pats himself on the back, and Adam really wants a heist.