Professional Contestants

Welcome to our holiday episode! No, it isn't late - we just maintain that the holiday season continues through Epiphany, meaning we just like to make jokes about the three wise men. Anyway, whatever holiday you are celebrating this winter, join us for discussion on gift wrapping etiquette, how we must stop James Cameron, and somehow... even MORE Harry Potter bits. Zach tracks the episode's PG rati...

We tend to talk about Harry Potter more than we should on this podcast, but a Harry Potter themed game show? Why, that would give us the excuse to talk about it for a full episode. We could even reveal to you all the canonical fifth Hogwarts House: The House of Hagrid. Wait no... The House of Aragog... Or was it The House of Jones? It doesn't really matter. By the time you realise it isn't true, w...

What do the United States Supreme Court, the soul of Mister Ed, and Adam Sandler's film career all have in common? Truly nothing, but we still somehow managed to talk at length about each of these topics in this episode. These bad MTV game shows always bring out the best in us. Anyway, get ready to be strapped to an arm chair and have snacks poured on your head while a bunch of stereotypes ask you...

There's a secret to being a pop music sensation that many people don't know about. We here at the Professional Contestants, however, have cracked that code, and we are here to share it with you. I mean, sure we are also going to use it to our benefit by distracting a bunch of celebrities to win at a charity event, but you can know about it too. Lean in close now... Young. Hot. Uncle. Thank us late...

You wanna know what sets us apart? Some wildly popular and well known podcast hosts only give you one "experience." I won't say who... but OUR podcast will give you a bit of his experience, and also many more experiences. This one's got a Brigham Young Experience, a Jared Padalecki Experience, and even a Zippo The Dinosaur Experience. Take that, you unnamed American UFC color commentator, podcaste...

Happy Snake Day! As is our burden once every year, we return to you having viewed the next unfortunate installment in the Saw franchise. Did we finally find a Saw movie we enjoy? Well... let's just say we were happy to have the final few entries in the Apple Orchard Monster saga to talk about afterward as a palate clenser. Zach want's everyone in Saw to wear a nametag, Jared encourages deep breath...

We tried to take a break from strictly spooky vibes today in favor of something just a bit more fall themed, but the scariest things aren't always ghosts and ghouls. Some may say the scariest thing is damnation, and these Punkin Popes are gonna be sure this pumpkin goes to Heaven. Zach builds catapults every year, Jared plans to save the pumpkin's soul, and Adam want's to hack a drone into the pum...

Jared has long preached about his rule that applies not just to haunted houses, but life at large: if someone touches you, you can touch them back. However, those rules may apply more to this game show than any other we've done before. Everyone step back, becasue we're gonna punch doors, we're gonna punch actors, we might even punch a nun! Don't say we didn't warn you. Zach hates most YouTubers, J...

As we continue to march further into the spookiest of all the months, we also continue our trend of spending half of the episode talking at length about the deep fiction surrounding the Apple Orchard Monster. We know what you want, so here it is - thirty minutes of the actual original journal entries detailing the story of Zach and Adam's childhood backyard spectres, and thirty minutes of a game s...

Welcome back all you witches and ghouls, the most slithery time of the year has returned! That's right, Snake With Big Teeth is upon us once again. This year, we kick off our celebration the only way we know how, going on a spooky themed tangent for about 20 minutes and then trying to figure out what The Undertaker's greatest fear might be. One thing we know for sure, it isn't sandwiches. Zach acc...

The energy in the room was a little different than usual when we were recording this episode, which is to say, the energy was in three different rooms. But look, we are artists, and we know how to harness that energy. So welcome to Three Rooms - three thirds of a podcast episode, each with a different director. Table of Contents - Room 1: Ass Based Super Hero, Room 2: Lots of Jokes and Japes, Room...

An indisputable truth: adding more meat to a meal can only make it better. It has been proven with KFC's legendary dish, The Double Down. So if a double down is good, then a Triple Down must be even better - and we are tripling down on EVERYTHING. Zach wants to build a bridge to England, Jared is secretly Mr. Bolkovich, and Adam is fed up with Avatar 2. Talking Points Include: Our Royal Platforms,...

Sometimes the classic techniques hold up the best. For example, we don't need all these fancy visual effects in modern movies - just put a spaceship on some fishing line for a much cheaper and just as effective result. So what do we do when we need to make towers topple and boys fly? Well if it was good enough for Hollywood it's good enough for us. Zach introduces the wildest Hotel Transylvania ch...

This year, for National Dog Day, we're here to tell you that it's hard to train a dog. As proof we have a special guest on the episode - Zach's real life dog June, who runs amok the whole time. We three, however, are already quite well trained, so if one of us could become a dog... well then we'd have something cookin'. Zach attempts to wrangle a dog, Jared warns us about gun dogs, and Adam hopes...

We can proudly say that for this one we have come up with a fully original plan - mostly because we doubt that anyone in history has ever tried to cross the paths of Pinhead and Johnny Knoxville. But hey, if it can prepare Jared to endure pain and win this game show then it's worth it! Pour one out for Bam's Dad though, he really didn't deserve to be put in the Hellraiser box. Zach lays out his Ji...

An effective way to overcome your difficulties is to try to view things from another prospective. Sometimes those difficulties are a mother and daughter not seeing eye to eye. Sometimes they are trying to win a mediocre game show. Either way, a Freaky Friday situation is certainly in order. And it looks like we are swapping... Ed O'neill and Scrappy Doo? I must be reading that wrong, right? Right?...

Picture this: 15 foot 2000 pound great white shark. It's 10 feet in the air. It's quite frightened. Who's that in the water underneath it? Henry Winkler of course. Henry is wearing his leather jacket and as he locks eyes with the shark, he shoots us some finger guns. Hot damn! I mean, if we can get us a photo of something like that we would surely win this Shark Week documentary program that isn't...

Here is what we know about demons from media. For one thing they aren't too keen on the power of religion. Also, naturally, rock types are weak to water types. Given this logic, is our plan going to involve getting right with God and convincing the water demon fight the stone demons? Of course it is! Step aside Dan Brown, we've already got this code cracked wide open. Zach insists he never got lif...

Christopher Booker really thought he was being slick when he said there are only 7 basic plots - but after some thoughtful research I think we've beat him by 4. When it comes to internet videos, there are only three plots as far as we're concerned: guy gets hit in nuts, animal does something cool, and redneck has nice life. Dont @ us, we've done our homework. Zach gets confused by the Elvis movie,...

Hang on... do you feel that? The hot, humid air. The longer days. Livin' is easy and the fish are jumpin'. It can only mean one thing - THE SUMMER OF SUMMERS IS BACK BABY! Somehow we find more kids game shows that we have not yet done and are able to keep this bit alive. Now check us out as we do one of our favorite things and lie to some children. Zach thinks Rhys Darby is on the ceiling, Jared d...

Individuals have a handful of basic needs in order to survive. Krang has food, water, and clothing. He has safety and security with his gang of villains. He certainly has self actualization and his esteem is through the roof. However, we three cupids think Krang could use some help in the love and belonging category - and we have just the match. Zach wants to try a Cam Jansen approach, Jared guess...

Welcome to ProCo Season 3: Junior Year! Now that we are upper classmen, there are gonna be a few changes around here. Get ready for more big boy attitude, more words of wisdom, more threats involving swords, and just as much Willy Wonka discussion. Zach is doing a lot more impressions, Jared is bringing more attitude, and Adam is becoming more sagely. Talking Points Include: ProCo Junior Year, Mas...

Your favorite professional game show contestants are busy busy boys, and after 200 episodes we think we deserve a little break. So for the next few weeks, the ProCo feed will release the first couple episodes of our brand new season of Brackets! Check it out, and then go over to the Brackets feed, check out other episdoes, and subscribe there too. Welcome back to Brackets! We're kicking off our se...

Wow, 200 episodes. Over 4 years. In that time we have come up with a lot of wild schemes to win game shows, and we will be the first to admit that we didn't bat 100%. But with all this experience and knowledge, can we look back and improve a few of our weaker plans? Probably not, but we are sure gonna try! Zach fixes Oh Sit, Jared fixes Hole in the Wall, and Adam fixes Russian Roulette. Talking Po...

Is this man actually a mean and evil person, or is he just a recluse? Could someone actually shoot a rabid dog from this distance? Can a ham costume truly stop a knife? We're asking these questions and more on our quest to bust some classic literary myths. You may be surprised to find that things aren't always as they seem. Zach is Herman Munster, Jared is Kramer, and Adam is Marie Barone. Talking...