Pivot Parenting: Expert Tips for Navigating Teen and Tween Challenges

"shhhhh. Don't talk aobut what is difficult for your family right now." (Except that this is my favorite thing to talk about.) Far too many parents believe the misconception that it's a bad thing to show your struggles. We've been handed down the unhelpful tradition of silence through our family or culture. While updating social media on your teen vaping may not be the answer, neither is keeping a...

Anxiety is currently a buzzword, and for good reason. It wreaks havoc for our kids, thus for us as their parents. We often experience it as well.  It's easy to feel helpless against the crush of anxiety, but that doesn't have to be the case any longer. In todays episode of Pivot Parenting, I talk with the anxiety coaching expert, Jill Freestone We talk about the kinds of anxiety, how they present,...

In today's episode, I outline three ways that parents self sabotage by not letting go. Perfectionism and expectations are key players, and can sneak up on us in unexpected ways. How do you know if you're holding on? I will run you through a series of questions to help you self confront, and I even teach you want you DO want to hold onto.  To learn more about parenting your teen, check out Family C...

It can be an uncomfortable conversation with our teens- sex, porn, and the shame that purity culture creates around them. Sara and I discuss the finer points of how to approach our own discomfort and talk to our kids about what is inevitably part of the world we live in. Sara shares misconceptions around porn use, and teaches us the number one best way to porn proof your teen. It's definitely not...

The fourth and final episode of coaching Bill and Anne. Today we talk about teens doing as the please and what happens when one makes the lack of controlling them mean that they're a bad parent. Bill has an imposibble time getting their son to stop annoying everyone in the car. He eventually gets close enough to home to make him walk. What happened, and what could have happened?  It's easy to reac...

Part three of Bill and Anne. Today we discuss their thirteen year olds' poor self-talk. He thinks he's the worst and Bill and Anne feel terrible. We discuss their reactions, ways they can help him, and how they are unintentionally creating more of what they don't want. We also discuss the struggle of other kids wanting to parent their siblings, how Anne is affected by this, and how she is buying i...

Parents can mimic their teens without even realizing it. I coach Anne and Bill for a second time as we discuss how their son disgusts and annoys them with his rude behavior and self importance. They want him to start seeing things like they do. They want him to make progress, which is creating the exact opposite experience than they want.  Getting stuck on what he's doing wrong is leading them to...

Todays episode is the beginning of a series. You will meet Bill and Anne. Their exuberant son, Gilbert, is too much for the whole family to handle and they struggle to see eye to eye on how to help him best while keeping their cool and managing the other children's frustration towards him. Parenting your teen can be a stress to the marriage, but it doesnt have to be. Both Bill and Anne want the sa...

In todays episode, Katie Parker and I discuss the struggles that our tween ladies are experiencing and how we can encourage, love and support them better. Adolescence is hard but we can educate ourselves to be more supportive. We can also give our girls an opportunity to engage in meaningful emotional education. This is Katie's life work. I loved hearing about her tween program and all of the skil...

Guesting on Pivot Parenting for a fourth visit, Jennifer Finlayson-fife and I discuss triangulation in families. What is this, how it plays out, its relationship to codependency, and the role that our parental anxiety plays in all of it.  There are 3 typical roles in triangulation: victim, perpetrator and rescuer. We can play all three roles in parenting and none of them are good for us or our tee...

Every parent's worst nightmare: Realizing that they are the worst parent ever. Our teens are happy to tell us the reasons why, their choices are ample evidence, our world is crushed as reality washes over us.  But what if it's not true? Listen in as I discuss how the fear of failing as a parent plays out it real time and what to do about it. The good news is, you haven't failed and the future is y...

You might not think this applies to you. That you're super open minded and easy going. This can be true and you can also be wanting to be right to the detriment of your relationship. In todays episode I outline 8 sneaky ways that our brain kills connection with the desire to be right, and most of us do at least a few of them.  In parenting, the details matter. This was the one thing that I needed...

Put more than one human in a room and what do you get? Annoyed. At least eventually.  It's really common for my clients to be upset with themselves, their teen, for the human experience of annoyance. They think they're a terrible person. They think their teen is awful and doomed. Which makes them feel worse. It's a vicious downward spiral that doesn't need to happen. Listen in as I break down what...

Pretty much every single client I have has some form of:  I'm not good enough, I don't deserve goodness, I deserve distain, I have to do it all perfect to be valuable, if only me or my kid would be more ....then they'd be good enough for me to know I've done a good job.  Then I could feel okay with myself, my family, and be happy. If you feel like you're chasing a pipe dream of happiness, thinking...

Envy can be described as one of the deadly sins, the thief of joy, something really bad to be avoided at all cost. Sure, when used improperly, but when we recognize it and consciously consider it, the affect can be quite the opposite.  Many of my clients look around and wish their spouse was more helpful, their teen was more responsible/honest/driven/tidy/friendly, their life to be filled with hea...

In honor of Mothers Day and our little chickens that we are trying to raise up right, I bring you todays episode. One of the most heartbreaking aspects of family is when our kids walk away from what we hold most dear. Often times this is the family faith. Listen in as I help you navigate being a hen who loves her babies and the little chick who loves the Lord. Peace, happiness, connection and even...

Do you think it bad to sing your child's praises?  Wouldn't want to make other parents feel bad? Don't want your kid to get a big head?  Pride is a bad thing, right? Maybe but maybe you're looking at it wrong. Tune in to this week's episode of #pivotparenting to hear a different take on praise, pride, and how we view our teen's accomplishments.  To learn more about helping your teen, please visit...

In all of our relationships we play a role. Sometimes it's authentic and good, sometimes it's graspy and destructive. In today's episode of #pivotparenting I talk about a common dynamic of validation and control. It leads to disaster. Listen in to see how to identify this unhealthy relationship dynamic and change course.  To learn more about raising your teen, please visit me at heatherfrazier.com

One second they're laughing with you, the next, they are yelling, "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?!" as they run out of the kitchen, slamming their bedroom door.  One day they are organized and have a 5 year plan, the next day they sleep all Saturday and can't remember to get to work on time.  Sometimes they love you and sometimes you get the stink eye. Literally nothing has changed between the two of you....

You might not think this is you. You might feel like you're good to go.  But wanting to know the answer to this question is a sneaky trick our subconscious can pull on us without us even realizing, and it can wreak havoc in our relationships.  Do you:  -Worry about the choices your teen makes, and lay awake at night trying to figure out a way to get them to change? -Care about how others view your...

It seems like our first is either the golden child, or the one we ruined because we didn't know what we were doing as their parent. Steep learning curves, all the experts, plus our own insecurities play into a disaster in the making. What if it weren't so complicated? Tune in as I break it all down for you and help you get our from under the unhelpful beliefs that may be keeping you trapped form l...

The other day I ran a pole on my insta. I asked if moms felt guilty for being unhappy. YES was the resounding response to one of my more answered poles- and so here I am, showing up for the wonderful mothers who think that because they have so much they can't be human. I love you. To learn more about parenting, please visit me at heatherfrazier.com

Is it my fault that they are making terrible choices? Are they doomed because of what I've done as a parent? If you go the rounds, trying to make sense of their choices and your parenting, and how you coulda woulda shoulda been better so that they wouldn't be where they are, then this episode is for you. xoxo  To learn more about parenting your teen, please come visit me at heatherfrazier.com

Nothing hurts worse than when your child rejects or hates you. Your world crashes down and nothing else matters. You become frantic, numb, angry, desperate, a ball of tears, and this cycle repeats over and over... In today's episode, I break it all down for you so that you can see what is really going on, how it makes perfect sense, and what to do about it.  To learn more about parenting your teen...

In honor of my oldest daughter graduating college with a strategic communications degree this spring, and to everyone who asks me what that even means- I'm teaching you all about strategic communication, coaching style! After all, sometimes it does feel like we have to market to our teen, handle PR and HR complaints and issues. Some training would be helpful! So buckle up, I am giving you a crash...