Perfect Crimes

Who says Robin Hood can't look like Ron Jeremy?  We help JP Dexter plan out exactly how he'll use unguarded Door Dash orders to make the world a better place.  Still from the rich, give to the hungry, maybe make a few dollars along the way.  It's a Perfect Crime, people.  

We've all thought about it.  Just how would you steal John Stamos' hair?  We help consult one of our baldest friends, Jason Fishman, on a plan to finally get away with this follicular heist.  

On a very special episode of Perfect Crimes, we sit down to talk with Ethan Cannon about his legendary Boston comedy feud with Matt Jarvis, and how--wait, my GOD, is that Matt Jarvis' music?!

Just when Buckingham Palace thought it was safe to let its guard down, out of nowhere comes the Black Irish Republican Army, formed by two generals from two of England's greatest historical foes: Ireland and Ghana.  Watch out for those "eggs," Charlie boy. 

Nate Hilli is one of those rare geniuses that saves mankind from a great evil, much like Jonas Salk or Martin Luther King Jr. Instead of polio or racism though, it's dolphins.  

Who amongst aspiring stand-ups hasn't wanted a little extra stage time?  Terrance just takes things to their logical conclusion, you know, an island-based cult where he headlines every night.  Get in line, Mulaney.  

Nick Tocco has a big problem with the choices Hollywood has made lately.  We're looking at you, Ryan Murphy.  How's he going to fix it?  Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.  

On a very spoOoOoky episode of Perfect Crimes--we have the very funny Liz Miller on to hear about her troubles with men and bad friends, all stories with one very spoOoOoky goal--vengeance.  

An episode for anyone who's ever wanted to make a professional sports team but has lacked the talent, the athleticism, the ambition, the height, really everything needed to succeed as a pro athlete.  How do we make Brandon's dream real?  You guessed it.  Crime. 

You know how sometimes you set out with best of intentions to end homelessness, and then end up with a gang of armed youths that do your authoritarian bidding?  Boy, who of us hasn't been there before, right?  Anyway, we help Leke do that this week.  

Andrew Balestieri is a simple man with a simple goal--free all of the captive creatures at SeaWorld, form a bond with them through mind control technology, and one day end up King of the Ocean.  He came to the right guys to make his dream come true.  

Mark McCalman wants the greatest collection of jerseys this side of the Mississippi.  You know how you get that?  Mime work and dedication. 

On the latest episode of Perfect Crimes, we help Boston favorite Maddie Kelly with a three part plan.  Step 1: Train a bunch of billionaire's assistants on how to seem helpful while secretly undermining their employers.  Step 2: Get them hired by as many billionaires as possible.  Step 3: Activate a sleeper cell of professionally incompetent workplace assassins.  You know, girl stuff.  

Boston comedian Nicholas Stubblefield comes to Perfect Crimes looking for help with a pretty normal thing--what's the most flags we can burn? 

This week on Perfect Crimes, we help the very funny Sky Nockels plan her perfect crime--burning down Harvard's Art Museum.  Sometimes destruction is an act of creation, or something? 

On this episode--bank robberies, holograms, and a very special crime involving our favorite criminal president and our favorite local criminal, Gary Bolles.  How do you get Trump to pay for your retirement?  Listen Now!

This week on Perfect Crimes, we help Alexis Cristaldi perfect her brand of cyber vigilantism.  Don't worry, she's only going after people who deserve it: the ones who don't laugh at her jokes.  She might not be the hero we need, but she's certainly the one we deserve.  

On the newest episode of Perfect Crimes, Paul Ober gets advice on how to break Luigi Mangione out of jail.  Spoiler alert, it involves some sick helicopter action.  But before that, hear him tell the Legend of the Dwarf Assassin, wherein young Paul survives a night with the Latin Kings.  

Improv Asylum's Kellie Moon stops by for advice on how to get a good, long look at Marilyn Monroe's corpse, Scooby-Doo style.

We help comedian Zach Morin plot the gayest heist of the century--stealing Van Gogh's Starry Night from the MOMA.

Beau Brassard comes to us with a simple request: Help him kidnap every living president so we can finally get to the bottom of what's going on in this damn country.

Nate Hanet and Joe Jensen are the premier criminal consultants in the Boston area.  Listen to them as they help their clients plan their perfect crimes.  Follow @perfectcrimespod on Instagram and TikTok and subscribe on Youtube or wherever you listen to your podcasts.  New episodes released every Tuesday.