Paging Mr Potter

Harry and Hagrid end up at the Leaky Cauldron and who do the boys find there? Why it's former Western Australian R&B singer Selwyn, a foul owl and Ahmed Illdo of course!

WE'VE FOUND IT: The worst page in Harry Potter! From the soaring highs of Episode 50 the guys come crashing down to earth with this, the most interminable page. The good news is that the pod is saved by the genius work of AI Rowling's and the a vow from one of the boys to pleasure a troll

50th EPISODE SPOOKTACULAR: No-one asked us to, but we made it to 50 episodes! To mark the occasion, Andrew dabbles in the dark arts to develop an AI version of JK Rowling and we summon the ghosts of Nearly Headless Nick and of course, Ivan Milat.

We're on the home straight hurtling towards our 50th episode spectacular!! So fittingly this week we talk about one wizard's race to escape the gang life and another (possible) wizard's disgusting fitness routine

Even Sydney's stinky trains and Zuck's sucky poo apps couldn't keep us down as we ring in our ONE YEAR PODIVERSARY!! This week Riordan sends in another strange message from the great beyond and we talk strategy for robbing goblins

This stupid book is draaaaaagging on BUT this week we make substantial headway with the development of our TV pilot "Perfectly Frank". We also weigh in on the debate between Greta Thunberg and that racist guy from Top Gear. Oh and you wanted another game of Eenie Meenie Hermoine Moe?? Done.

We finally reached the end of chapter 4!!! But which prominent world leader took celebrations a bit too far with their incredibly offensive/ inappropriate costume?! And did Hagrid get expelled(iarmus) from Hogwarts?

OUT OAF CONTROL: Hagrid goes on a kidnapping rampage and horribly maims an innocent child on page 45 of this children's novel. Meanwhile a rogue priest and his gang of exorcists actually make some cogent points. And are endangered animals stupid or just not magic enough?

In this week's Harry Potter-themed podcast, Peter Fitzsimons is FURIOUS at the Queen Of England for bopping people on the noggin. And after two disastrous weeks Riordan tries to redeem himself with yet another questionable 'game'

FIGHT FOR CHO-CHANGE: this week the PMP gang expose the crimes and malfeasance of several high profile figures, including: •The Harry Potter character responsible for the Hong Kong crisis •The Australian media personality rumoured to be harbouring the Dark Lord •The innocent person who recently annoyed Nathan by merely attempting to do her job

"WE'VE REACHED THE END OF OUR TETHER": Recording three pods in a row was a bad idea as this episode will quickly prove - but if you were someone that was even vaguely interested in good ideas you wouldn't be listening to this terrible podcast. In this punishing page 42, the boys investigate if Voldy is just an angry incel, reach new lows with a new game and dig through Andrew's notebook from his t...

This week we bravely tell the story of Lily Potter no-one else will dare go near, prove that prime numbers are fundamentally evil, and play a brand new game that hits new lows, even for us.

PAGE 40 CANCELLED LIST: •The slave owls in the magical realm. •Riordan for his offensive literary revisionism. •Philosopher's Stone director Chris Columbus for his atrocities in the Americas. The boys encounter the most probbo page yet, and as expected we surgically pick it apart it with our trademark deftness and sensitivity.

HARRY, YOU'RE A...(LINE PLEASE): Hagrid screws up the big reveal, and two worlds collide when the boys go on the hit singing-while-others-not-looking TV show The Voice to save a beloved character from some evil, racist witches

CROSSING OVER WITH RUBEUS HAGRID: Is John Edwards a morally bankrupt scam artist? Or a wizard who walks among us? These are the big questions raised on page 38 of Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone.

FOURTH EPISODE CRAZIES: Against doctor's orders we recorded four pods in a row. Years from now, psychology students will study this ep to learn about the deterioration of the human brain, and literature students will study it to see how Sony product placements, a story about uploading adult material to a work server and an idiot boy wearing a jumper on his legs could be worked into an analysis of...

GORDON RAMSAY'S POTTER NIGHTMARES: This week we learn that Hagrid is a filthy pig boy, short people have magical powers and can Gordon Ramsay save our pod???

Knock Knock Who's There? A dead Hagrid. A dead Hagrid who? A dead Hagrid who can't bloody wait for episode 35! This week we tell knock knock jokes, shoot Hagrid in the face and yes, don't worry, we get to Mambo Number 5's Lou Bega.

You guys, WE DID IT! After literal months of talking about an un-opened letter we finally made it to the other side. And what did we find? Why Weird Al Yankovic, the Dalai Lama and Snapes On A Plane of course!

THIS IS YOUR FAULT: Hey look we didn't want do it but you idiots asked for it: the worst episode from the worst podcast on the Internet. The whole gang is back next week so gird your loins for a fully-loaded barrage of nonsense.

This week Riordan makes a compelling case for two bizarre additions to the Potterphile Ring. Plus we give you a crash course in social etiquette to get you through even the toughest meetings with 20th century dictators. And is Dobby really touring with Dr Dre? I wouldn't have thought so... but probably yes!

POTTERPHILES ASSEMBLE! This week we put together a crack team of unlikely heroes to help us decipher JK's sacred text and protect the world from evil (or something?) Find out who made the grade and how you can throw your hat into the Potterphile Ring!

No Riordan? No plot development? No end in sight? NO WORRIES!! This week we really ramp the positivity up to 11 and the results are quite psychotic... If you are dying to hear us wax lyrical about Clive Palmer, Coca-Cola and turning 30 then STRAP IN!

This week we accidentally stumble upon the grand theory of everything (HINT: it has to do with Harry Potter). We also teach you a few new spells and explain the backstory behind some of the Rolling Stones greatest hits! And what the hell do Chris Lilley's zany characters have to do with Bob Hawke's legacy??

THE. PHILANTROPIST'S. STONE. IS. REAL: A massive breakthrough in the boys' quest for world domination You've been warned @Dwayne The Rock Johnson