Not Your Therapist

Send us Fan Mail Passive-aggressive comments from emotionally immature family members can leave you questioning yourself long after the conversation is over. In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast , licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down the psychology behind passive aggression, why emotionally immature parents and family members rely on it, and how to respond without getting pulled in...

Send us Fan Mail Were you the "adult" in your childhood home — managing your parent's moods, mediating fights, or holding everyone else's feelings before you were ever allowed to have your own? That's called emotional parentification, and it's one of the most common (and most overlooked) forms of childhood trauma. In this episode, licensed therapist Kayla breaks down...

Send us Fan Mail Do you have anxiety… or are you just overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stuck in survival mode? In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down the signs of high-functioning anxiety that many women miss — including overthinking, irritability, perfectionism, people pleasing, hypervigilance, and physical symptoms like exhaustion and chest tightness....

Send us Fan Mail Why are you SO good at reading the room? Why does conflict feel like an actual threat to your body? Why do you feel guilty resting, overthink every interaction, and act like everyone else’s emotional support animal? Yeah… your childhood might have something to do with that. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down how growing up around emo...

Send us Fan Mail Mother’s Day can bring up a lot more than brunch plans and flower deliveries. For many people, it brings up grief, guilt, resentment, anxiety, and the complicated reality of loving your mom while still carrying pain from the relationship. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , Kayla Reilly breaks down the mother wound: what it is, how it shows up in adulthood, and why your mom’s...

Send us Fan Mail Friendships in your 20s felt easy. Friendships in your 30s?  They can feel confusing, inconsistent… and if we’re being honest, a little harder than you expected. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , Kayla is breaking down why adult friendships shift — and why you might find yourself overthinking texts, questioning the vibe after a hangout, or wondering if you’re slowly drifting...

Send us Fan Mail Resentment in marriage doesn’t usually come from one big moment. It builds slowly… quietly… and often without you even realizing it. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re talking about how resentment actually forms in relationships — and why so many couples find themselves feeling irritated, disconnected, and emotionally distant without fully understanding why. Because mor...

Send us Fan Mail Everyone is a narcissist these days… at least according to the internet. But what does narcissism actually mean? And more importantly — how do you know if you’re dealing with it in real life? In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re breaking down narcissism in a way that’s clear, grounded, and actually useful. Kayla starts with the original story of Narcissus and Echo — a myt...

Send us Fan Mail Tantrums are one of the most triggering parts of parenting… and if we’re being honest, sometimes it feels easier to just give in and make it stop. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re talking about what tantrums actually mean, why giving in backfires, and how well-meaning parents unintentionally reinforce entitled behavior without realizing it. Because here’s the truth:  ...

Send us Fan Mail You’re overwhelmed.  Your schedule is full.  You’re already stretched thin… …and somehow, you still say yes to more. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re breaking down why people overcommit when they’re already drowning — and why this isn’t actually a time management problem. Using a real-life example (yes… including fostering puppies at the worst possible time), we dive...

Send us Fan Mail Do you go quiet during conflict? Do you say “I’m fine” when you’re clearly not? Or do you suddenly feel overwhelmed and need to escape the conversation entirely? In this episode, we’re breaking down why people emotionally shut down in arguments — and what’s actually happening in your nervous system when conflict feels like too much. We’ll talk about: What shutting down feels like...

Send us Fan Mail You don’t think you’re a perfectionist.  You just “have high standards.” You care. You’re driven. You like things done right. So why are you exhausted? In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of perfectionism — what it actually is, why it develops, and how it quietly fuels anxiety, burnout, procrastination, and relationship strain. Perfectionism isn’t about excellence. It’...

Send us Fan Mail Why do emotionally unavailable people feel magnetic? Why does the hot-and-cold person spark chemistry… while the consistent, emotionally available one feels “boring”? If you keep finding yourself attracted to partners who pull away, avoid vulnerability, or struggle with emotional intimacy — this episode is for you. Today we’re breaking down the psychology behind attraction pattern...

Send us Fan Mail Do you replay conversations before bed?  Rewrite texts multiple times before sending?  Second-guess decisions long after they’re made? You’re not alone — and you’re not “just anxious.” In this episode, we’re breaking down the psychology of overthinking and rumination , especially in high-functioning adults navigating careers, leadership, relationships, and big life decisions. Over...

Send us Fan Mail Do you ever stare at a task for 30 minutes… and still can’t start? In this ADHD Toolbox episode, I’m walking you through a simple, practical strategy you can use immediately when you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or frozen: The Ladder Method. If you struggle with ADHD paralysis, procrastination, executive dysfunction, or perfectionism, this tool will help you lower the activation energ...

Send us Fan Mail n this episode, we break down what really works when it comes to ADHD treatment — and why it’s not about fixing your personality or forcing yourself to “try harder.” You’ll learn: The surprising story of how ADHD medication was discovered (it was accidental) Why stimulants calm the ADHD brain instead of hyping it up The difference between stimulant and non-stimulant medications —...

Send us Fan Mail Do you have anxiety… or ADHD… or both? If you’ve ever felt constantly overwhelmed, distracted, restless, or stuck in procrastination — this episode is for you. ADHD and anxiety can look almost identical from the outside. Trouble focusing. Racing thoughts. Avoidance. Irritability. Sleep issues. Chronic overwhelm. But the why underneath is very different. In this episode, we break d...

Send us Fan Mail You got the promotion.  You built the business.  You stepped into the new role.  You’re doing well. So why do you secretly feel like a fraud? In this episode, we’re unpacking imposter syndrome — why it shows up during success, why it’s so common in your late 20s, 30s, and early 40s, and what’s actually happening in your brain when self-doubt creeps in. Spoiler: Imposter syndrome i...

Send us Fan Mail Ever wonder why everyday tasks feel exhausting, overwhelming, or harder for you than they seem for everyone else? In this episode, we’re breaking down ADHD in a way that actually makes sense — especially for adults who’ve spent years thinking something was “wrong” with them. As a therapist, I see so many clients who feel scattered, behind, emotionally reactive, or inconsistent des...

Send us Fan Mail When emotions feel overwhelming, it can be hard to focus, think clearly, or stay present. This TOOLBOX episode teaches you how to create your container , a simple, EMDR-informed emotional regulation skill designed to help your nervous system feel safer and more organized. In this guided episode, you’ll be walked through how to create a mental container that can safely hold difficu...

Send us Fan Mail When emotions spike, it’s easy to feel flooded, anxious, or unable to focus. This TOOLBOX episode teaches you how to use your container —a simple, EMDR-informed emotional regulation skill—to manage overwhelming thoughts and feelings without suppressing them . If you’ve already created a container, this episode shows you how to use it in real-life moments: when anxiety rises, intru...

Send us Fan Mail Grief feels heavier today—and it’s not just because loss is painful. In this episode, we explore how the loss of ritual in modern life has made grieving harder, lonelier, and more confusing than it used to be. For centuries, religion and culture provided structured grief rituals —like funerals, shiva, memorials, prayer, and communal mourning—that helped people process loss in a co...

Send us Fan Mail What if improving your relationship didn’t require therapy homework, long talks, or weekly date nights? In this episode, we’re breaking down how just 4 intentional minutes a day can dramatically strengthen your relationship—using principles from attachment theory that apply to marriage, parenting, and family life. You’ll learn about the four key moments every day that matter most...

Send us Fan Mail If setting boundaries is on your New Year list… but you already feel guilty just thinking about it, this episode is for you. In this episode, I break down 3 realistic ways to set better boundaries this year — without over-explaining, people-pleasing, or blowing up your relationships. We’ll explore why boundaries feel so hard, what’s actually happening in your nervous system, and h...

Send us Fan Mail We talk a lot about anxiety and depression—but what if the root cause is your hormones? Hormonal imbalance is showing up earlier and more often than it did two decades ago, and it impacts everything from your sleep to your sex drive to your ability to feel joy. In this episode, I’m unpacking why hormone issues are becoming more common, how they can masquerade as mental health stru...