Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling? You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.” This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body do...

Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever? Yeah… hard pass. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default. Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the...

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor? This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson , sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s deligh...

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize whe...

You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion. So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house? In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system...

Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU. So many of us grew up believing myths like: “If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else...

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down: Why relations...

Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships. We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill eve...

Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar. After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he...

What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring ? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I sit down with Carla Wainwright , Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist . We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogam...

Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late. As a relationship coach, I’ve seen the glossy fantasy and the gritty reality. Spoiler: opening your relationsh...

What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-wr...

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?”   If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you. I’m getting real...

What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey , relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex , to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control enviro...

In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who...

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you . An...

So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body ? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug , a licensed dance/movemen...

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous , I sit down with Jamie Love , Executive Director of Sex Positive World , to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: How to start a sex-positive space or community near you What consent rea...

Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? Always chill, never the squeaky wheel? This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection. We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered: What emotional self-abandonment looks li...

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops —how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start...

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting poin...

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life . We’re talking about: How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60s Why pleasure is your bir...

Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen? In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional , values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships. 💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen. 💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care. What You’ll Learn:...

Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else?  In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard.  🎙️We talk about: Why affirmations fail when your...

What happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned? In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple . Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, a...