Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners. But what happens after that? How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way? In this episode of Nope!...

What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules? What if it's community? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous , Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize...

Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you? Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to fe...

Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong? Maybe you shut down. Maybe you get defensive. Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop saying what you actually mean. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around...

Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body? Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong. And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over....

Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal. A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up. If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so inten...

Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment? Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.” But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down. Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous,...

Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build. A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else. And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship. In this episode of Nope! W...

There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered. The connection can be real. The feelings can be real.  And still… something feels off. If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you. Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also...

Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours? Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someone you didn’t have an issue with before? Yeah… that’s usually a communication triangle. In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in n...

What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk , a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire. Kate...

What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? Do you have to be instant best friends… or even chosen family… with your partner’s partner? In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safe...

New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your brain and body during those early stages of attraction, and why the dopamine-fueled excitement of a new connection can make people feel euphoric, obsessive, and some...

If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you. In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous , I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication. It’s usually about boundaries. Specifically: The boundary you didn’t set The boundary you didn’t enforce Or the agreement your body never truly consented to So many people in et...

Non-monogamy isn’t just more love. It’s more feelings, more conversations, and sometimes… a lot more processing. In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and author of Poly Agony . She’s been ethically non-monogamous for over 20 years, raising a child in community, building non-traditional family structures, and living this...

Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy? If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it. In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more. There’s no prize for needing less. You’re not needy. Y...

Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating. A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self-worth. If you’ve ever thought:  “Why am I confident everywhere else but spiraling in my relationship?”  “Why does non-monogamy trigger my insecurities?”  “How do...

What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned … but something you found your way into? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I’m joined by Natalie Davis , editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy . Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, a...

Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure. And it’s almost never about your partner. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist : the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame . Both are rooted in scarcity. Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss. And both get way...

We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy. Tell the truth. Name the jealousy. Share your feelings. But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t feel that way? In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety , how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down i...

Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , I slow that moment way down. Dating separately can be incredibly powerful, but only when your relationship has the foundation to su...

What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules? Only dating women. Only forming a triad. Only dating together as a couple. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous , non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without t...

Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy. For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. So it makes sense that a lot of people try to avoid that discomfort by insisting on dating together, only pursuing triads, or creating rules that keep everything t...

What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look? In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott , Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy , and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating,...

If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive. Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety. We get into the ski...