Mistakes Were Made

Sarah and Alex unpack the mournful refrain: "if only I was into girls," and question whether modern relationships between men and women are fundamentally doomed. Mentioned in the episode: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward | Midsommar (film) | The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood | If Hetero Relationships Are So Bad, Why Do Women Go Back For More? On The Cut mistakescast@gmail.com | htt...

How does death, loss and grief impact our relationships? After a year filled with loss, Sarah and Alex talk to a trauma-informed spiritual care provider about the taboos around death, and what happens to our desire when people around us die.  Mentioned in the episode: Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz | Without: Poems by Donald Hall | Wayward Lives, Beautiful Exp...

Is it you? Is it me? Are you moving to Antarctica?? In this episode we talk about how and how not to end a relationship. Mentioned in the episode: @karamintheworld on Instagram mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Are the same dynamics screwing up our relationships also hampering our social movements? Sarah and Alex talk to activist and law professor Dean Spade about the romance myth, capitalism and love in this f*cked up world. Mentioned in the episode: Love in a F*cked Up World | DeanSpade.net | The Death Panel | Movement Memos Also by Dean Spade: Mutual Aid | Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critica...

Encore episode Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! This episode first aired in August 2024. Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) | The Graduate (Mike Nichol...

Last episode we started to talk about race in dating, and tbh…mistakes were made. So this episode we're doubling down! Ramsey shares his experience dating as a Black polyamorous man in Seattle, offers advice for white people dating other races, and asks us "taboo" questions about our own experiences.   Mentioned in the episode: Pacific Northwest BIPOC Polyamory group TV Shows & Movies Recommended...

We had such an interesting side conversation with Reagan about her experience working with a dating coach that we had to make a bonus episode all about it. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Anwar White, Dating and Relationship Coach Get Your Guy Podcast with Anwar White mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfacto...

Sarah and Alex's skeptical monogamous friend Reagan Jackson is back to grill them about sex, jealousy, and whether they're just dating other versions of each other over and over. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Sarah's interview in Psychology Today: Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love . bell hooks Queer and Questioning...

Lissa joins the podcast to help us parse out the difference between polyamory and swinging. And Alex opens up about his not-so-hot sex party experience. Mentioned in the episode: https://seattle-inclusive-matchmaking.square.site/    Reach out to Lissa: weekdaypineapple@gmail.com   mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

TMI time! Sarah and Alex work on healthy habits for disclosing info about sex and feelings in their other relationships. What's an overshare? When is it hiding or deception? And what is the nature of truth anyway?  Mentioned in the episode: More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Rodden Winter Disclosure (Michael Crichton) mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo desi...

Sarah and Alex make sense of the election results by talking about developmental stages, anti-social behavior, and oh yeah and also polyamory. Mentioned in the episode: Voting patterns by income Thoughts vs Feelings Polywise Polysecure More about Kegan and "The Evolving Self"  Winnicott on the Psychology of Democracy More about Winnicott (and the ideas he stole from his wife) People with more priv...

Welcome to season 4 of Mistakes Were Made! Today we're asking: How much conflict should you expect in a healthy relationship? In this episode Sarah, Jessica and Alex explore how to fight better (rather than avoiding fights altogether) by understanding our internal patterns and reaction styles. Logo design by Roy Franklin:  http://whateverfactory.org. Mentioned in the episode: The Waterline Model T...

Which fork should you use on a first polyamorous date? Do you have to let your partner be the little spoon all the time? We pondered these and other burning questions in the Finale episode of Season Three. Srsly though, here's the etiquette and advice we gathered for this episode, if you don't want to listen to 80 mins of our charming banter: Let your partners consent into information about your i...

Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) John Maho...

Are the youngs living in queer poly utopia or what? Sarah and Alex recruit their 20 something barista, Mattise Wood, to find out. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Special live episode featuring some of our favorite mistakes. Recorded May 9, 2024 in Seattle, WA. Check out the slides from the live episode: https://www.mentimeter.com/app/presentation/n/alkskyvkpq54ehb844w3r2oejcjo4d6a/present   Evergreen hearts on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvergreenHeartsOrg   Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org   mistakescast@gmail.com * https:/...

We finally get to learn about relationship anarchy. Hope you're hungry for a smorgasbord!  Maxx Hill, curator of the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord , joins to talk about the infinite possibilities of how you can "customize your commitments" when you let go of societal expectations. Open the link and follow along! Mentioned in the episode: Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Relationship Anarchy Smorg...

Mentioned in the episode: The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class's Latest Fad   Time Magazine - Polyamory isn't just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory More: A Memoir of Open Marriage Stranger in a Strange Land Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org   mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Encore episode! Let's talk about sex (or die trying)! Sarah and Alex finally attempt to actually discuss sexual dynamics in non-monogamy without laughing or crying. mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ An actually useful explanation of how to play the three minute game (since ours went so sideways): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KCzpNBNbVM&t=80s Or download the pamph...

Who should you tell you're poly??? A death in the family sparks different reactions from Alex and Sarah about how open to be with family and friends. Mentioned in the episode: Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm The Cut:  5 people tell their coming out stories Business Insider: Coming out as poly is the hardest kind of coming out The Poly Coach: Coming out as polyamoro...

Alex wants to talk about performance anxiety….and Sarah really, really doesn't. Mentioned in the episode: Evergreen Hearts - Polyamory Pitfalls - Thursday May 9th, 6:30pm Cleveland Clinic: Erectile Dysfunction Book: The Ice Storm, by Rick Moody Hump! 2024 National Tour Dates Book: Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski " 5 things you can say to someone who didn't have an org@sm " from @QueerSexTherapy...

Two local organizers talk about their experiences being solo poly; what they like about it, the challenges, independence, couples privilege and more. Stay tuned for the lightning round! Mentioned in the episode: Puget Sound Polyamory Meetup Group Evergreen Hearts Poly Prom Newcomers Social Connections Speed Dating Puget Sound Polyamory The NY Times says solo poly is just a fancy word for dating ar...

Our guest is "Manthropologist" Dr Eric FitzMedrud (okay, we made that title up, he doesn't really call himself that). We asked Dr FitzMedrud to decode Sarah and Jessica's bad dates with men, using tools from his book The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex .  Dr FitzMedrud, who is poly and bi, takes a compassionate approach to understanding the patterns men bring...

Special Midnight Mini episode: Polyamory seems to have suddenly gone mainstream, with the New Yorker and New York Magazine running cover stories in the last couple months. Sarah and Alex dig into the icky feelings that came up reading these stories, and realize that it might be about uncomfortable trends that implicate them. Mentioned in the episode:   The Cut, New York Magazine: A Practical Guide...

The leading researcher into poly dating app usage shares what works and what doesn't in profiles, gives insights into the trends in non-traditional relationship styles around the country, and defines the dizzying jargon of poly subcultures. Listen until the end to find out what "dexting" means.  Sign up for Riki Thompson's workshops and get a 20% discount using the code "Mistakes"  https://rikitho...