Mistakes Were Made

Sarah and Alex outline how opening a het relationship is experienced differently by men and women... based on meticulously collected and analyzed scientific data, of course :) Mentioned in the episode : When women choose non-monogamy: 'It's an opportunity for more integration' | The Ethical Slut |  Is marriage a lousy deal for women? | Empathy - Psychology Today | Men need relationships more than...

It's Pride, and we're talking about coming out, parenting, and the nature of happiness, with poly psychology researcher Tabitha Kirkland. Mentioned in the episode : Geography of Bliss | Tabi's latest Substack: What do you want when no one is looking? | Tabi's Coming Out post | Sarah's Substack | Barry Schwartz: The Paradox of Choice |  Follow us : mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com...

Therapist and 'Crush Coach" Calvin Burnap returns to talk about the dangers of abandoning yourself, the importance of internal boundaries, and why being ice cold in breakups is actually generous.    Mentioned in the episode : The Crush Coach | The Crush Coach on Instagram | Dr. Devon Price | Relationship Anarchy | Gottman Institute | Nonviolent Communication | I thought We'd Never Speak Again | Jo...

In this mini episode Sarah and Alex try to figure out who has a tougher time in polyamory. Mentioned in the episode: Melt Music & Mutual Aid Fair | When women choose non-monogamy: 'It's an opportunity for more integration'   Follow us : mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Now that we've actually read the book…there's even more to say about Lindy West's Adult Braces . Spoiler alert: it is extremely fucking good. Follow us : mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Sarah and Alex explore the seven stages of playparties, from abject horror to skepticism to curiosity. And then Sarah recouts her first time getting in the mix.  Mentioned in the episode :  Sense8 | Eyes Wide Shut | They Will Kill You | What We Do in the Shadows s1e9 | Mixtape Memoir with Reagan Jackson Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy...

It's like a prenup... for when your partner goes out of town. Poly therapist Karryn Satchell joins the podcast to explain how you can plan ahead for hard moments in a relationship, from fights, to life changes, to individual crises and even break ups.  You can reach Karryn at admin@ksclinicalservices.com Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy...

Lindy West is "setting the internet on fire" again with a new memoir tracing her rocky path to accepting a poly relationship with her partner. Sarah & Alex pick apart the flamey reactions, and start to wonder if polyamory is really the problem.  Mentioned in the episode :  Adult Braces | Harper's Bazaar Article | Loves Out Loud Follow us : mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistake...

Sleepless nights. Intrusive thoughts. Gushing adoration. Is that obsessive feeling true love? Sarah and Alex unpack experiences as givers and recievers of limerant feelings, and try to differentiate between limerance and new relationship energy, anxious attachment, and...Irish poetry? Happy St. Patrick's Day! Mentioned in the episode :  Loves Out Loud | New Relationship Energy | Love and Limerence...

Ramsey rejoins the podcast to talk about that thing everyone seems to be seeking more of these days: Community. What even is it? Why are so many of us lacking it? And is polyamorous dating the solution? TW: The conversation about community accountability vs. cancel culture somehow lands on the Epstein Files and guillotines.  Mentioned in the episode :  Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop | Quake Rugb...

Guess who's been missing from this new wave of political organizing: CIS dudes. Alex grapples with how critique of toxic masculinity has left a gap in men's identity. And Sarah asks why so many progressive men are down to fuck, but not down to fight. Mentioned in the episode:  Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop | Sensitive New Age Guys | All About Love , by bell hooks | The Better Man , by Dr. Eric...

Bi men are having a moment, and we're jumping on the bandwagon! Sarah talks to Quinn and Alex about discovering their bisexuality while practicing polyamory. Warning: Heated Rivalry spoiler alert at 35 minutes! Mentioned in the episode:   Intentional Nonmonogamy workshop | Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat |  The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl | Heated Rivalry | Esther Perel on Hea...

What does Ai and folding laundry have to do with supporting your partner through a break up? Not very much, but both things sure did come up a lot in this episode! Sarah and Alex reflect on how it felt to care for each other during recent struggles with other partners, and share some tips for weathering turmoil in your relationship constellation.  Mentioned in the episode:  Intentional Nonmonogamy...

Author and Cartoonist Sophie Lucido Johnnson talks about the future of family structures, her new book "Kin," and, of course, global extinction.  Mentioned in the episode :  Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop | Timothy Egan | Sarah's Seattle Times column | Kin: The Future of Family | Many Love: A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love(s) | Dear Sophie, Love Sophie More about Sophie : https://www.sophi...

Register for the Intentional Nonmonogamy Workshop on March 21st in Seattle with Sarah and Alex of Mistakes Were Made. Is polyamory a salve for loneliness? Or just a way to escape our fear of being alone with ourselves? Sarah reflects on her 'poly sabbatical' and Alex explores the psychological roots if his poly enthusiasm.  Mentioned in the episode :  HHS Report on Our Epidemic of Loneliness and I...

Evangelical-turned-athiest Tyson returns to the show, this time to help us unpack why so many people from religious backgrounds like his find their way to polyamory, and how religious trauma impacts our relationships. Mentioned in the episode :  Pew Research: Evangelical Protestants in the U.S. | Poly Philia: Why Unicorn Hunting Doesn't Work | Hierarchical Polyamory vs. Non Hierarchical Polyamory...

Sarah & Alex talk with Dr. Nicole, host of the Modern Anarchy podcast about jealousy, religious trauma and the first EVER study on relationship anarchy.  Oh, and the parallels between psychedelics and New Relationship Energy (NRE). Mentioned in the episode:  Upstream Podcast | Layla Martin | Talk: " Everything you Know About Addiction is Wrong " | New Relationship Energy [NRE] | Seek the Risk | Su...

It's an extra special live episode of Mistakes Were Made! Sarah and Alex are joined by Jessa Davis, Elizabeth Cunningham, and return guest Ramsey for a conversation all about relationship equality, representation, and how to talk to your family about polyamory. Tyson (remember him from episode 33: Solo Poly Showdown??) is our emcee. Mentioned in the episode :  SCFRE | https://www.open-love.org/  ...

Has a relationship ever made you feel like a scared little kid? You might be resurfacing trauma from an earlier life stage. In the Season 5 premiere Sarah and Alex welcome spooky season with a deep dive into the many ways unexplored trauma could be what's messing up our relationships. Eek! 👻👻👻 Mentioned in the episode:  Erikson's Stages of Development | True adolescence disrupted by Queer phobi...

What are my boundaries? What are my needs? How do I share them with my partners? Sarah and Alex try to understand the differences between rules and boundaries, needs and desires. Mentioned in the episode :  Glitter & Greed: The Lisa Frank Story mistakescast@gmail.com |  https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate...

Hollywood made a movie about open relationships (sort of). We watched it so you don't have to! Mentioned in the episode:  Splitsville  | Together | Together's free couples therapy gimmick |  mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Sarah and Jessica are fasting this week, so we're sharing an episode that first aired in the spring of 2024. Is polyamory inherently apolitical? Is it just an excuse for rich people to avoid thinking about climate change? Did Sarah accidentally make out with a Trump supporter at the ferry dock??? Tune in to find out!  Mentioned in the episode:  Parents Fast for Gaza | @parentsfast4gaza on instagra...

Sarah and Alex talk with therapist and 'Crush Coach' (it's not what you think), Calvin Burnap, about mindfulness, queerness and the gift of bad sex. Mentioned in the episode:  The Crush Coach | The Crush Coach on Instagram | All About Love | Esther Perel | The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin | Jenny Hayo | Dan Savage   mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design b...

A mysterious green tupperware offers a portal to the past. Sarah and Alex talk about how their feelings about hierarchy, sleepovers, vetoes and more have changed over five years of being polyamorous. mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Sarah and Alex investigate mind-blowing, legendary, earth-moving sex, to find out if such a thing actually exists, and if so, how to have it. Mentioned in the episode: Sexucation for Men Podcast | "Take my Breath Away" Scene from Top Gun | Partner-Specific Learning mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org