Midnight Wisdom

Johannes and I catch up exactly two weeks after our last episode. We talk about our progress in fighting, children, writing, karma, drinking alcohol, coding and eventually I go on a monologue explaining my meta goal in life with the books I'm writing.  Johannes has been writing 2000 word essays once every two weeks about different topics for the next six months, and I've been writing 3000 wor...

It's close to miiiidnight and I reflect on the past few days. I'm grateful for the job I got and the people I get to spend most of the day with. Amd I went to a weird party that was pretty weird.

Johannes joined a Jiu Jitsu (JJ) grappling class two weeks after I joined mine. We both had weird grappling dreams and we're facing off in 4 to 6 months :D We talk a lot about fighting. We talk about Jordan Peterson and what he's going through right now.  That leads us to talking about self-esteem and what we base our characters on. That carries into me talking about my financial planning int...

I'm in my room. The cool monkey is in a corner in my house after I brought my things back from Hamburg. I'm sick. My first day of work is tomorrow. This is where I am.

This one's about self-esteem.

I talk about fighting. I love it. I'm getting the instinct for it.  Kampfst du?

This one is about us and loneliness.  How we'll take care more of someone who's a part of us, like our own child, but neglect to take care of our own self.  How we wait to be seen through the eyes of someone who we also see eventually only to see ourselves. But then we'll lose that anyway. The universe feels like it's desperately trying to find itself only to instantly lose it.  Is...

We pay attention to the problem, the mistake, and forget all else.  Are we listening enough? Are we slaves to our own idea of our mistakes?

Five days after New Years. I'm in the office on a Sunday night keeping a promise to myself.  I talk about inner peace, karma, and my experiences these past few weeks. We're always trying to find problems to fix. The reality is there will always be problems. Past them is peace.

.

If you could ask God one question, and you had all the time in the world to think about it, what would it be?  You'll only ever see the world through your eyes. It's a lonely thought.  Makes me feel like we could all use a hug.

I feel more structured right now, and I talk about that in this one. I'm more patient about what I need to accomplish and I'm more okay with doing a lot of little things over a longer course of time that amount to a lot more than I can imagine. At least I find that works for me the most. Focusing a little bit on a lot of things and then sometimes focus a lot on one thing seems to keep my attention...

Just as we are life, we are water.  We reflect the qualities of how water moves. The one constant thing about us is the one thing constantly changing, water in and water out.  The balance it exists within. The death and rebirth. Destructive storms and calm oceans. How can we think that the small influences the far stars and the rest of the universe has on our water, on our own flows, doe...

An episode centering around Carly's experiences being sexually abused.  It's explicit, it's raw, and it's real in the best way it can be. Thanks for sharing Carly.

Only after the fact did I feel like I was exactly where I was meant to be.  Everything is moving and there's so many successes and failures along the way, yet somehow the sum of all of that seems deliberate. Where we are right now as a species, and where I find myself right now in my life.  Randomness underlies our reality, one relationships and patterns. And through that randomness we a...

Everything somehow fits, and that coherency is what attracts us. That coherency is what we are.  Are we pursuing that alignment? Or are we already all exactly where we need to be.

I reflect as I wait for my cold bath to fill out. It's easy to feel down when everyone around you is depressed and putting limits in front of themselves. I can't blame them. The company is shutting down and they have to continue milking a dead cow. It doesn't mean that I can't find ways where I can help or do good here and there.  I recorded on the 27th of November but I'm writing this descri...

I'm terrified of losing the life I lead. I'm dreadfully aware of how easy it is for things to go wrong.  I can't help but question what I did or who I am to deserve this life and all the good that's in it. And I'm not so sure that's a question I can answer. As long as I get to move, I will do my best to make the most of the life I lead. But is there a reason for me to be proud of who I am and...

I catch up with Jan on the 24th of November to tell him about what happened at the company I'm at.  Jan did theater back in school, and is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know. We talk about how I feel like everything's an act, and as long as you say the right thing at the right time, things will probably work out. But what are they but empty words at that point?

We're more than this inherent need embedded in us. The fear built within us to guarantee our continuation as individual beings.  The fear that allows us to continue, but also holds us back from developing. That holds us back from 'really' moving forward.  And when we're held back like that, stagnant in our own lives, we eventually find ourselves depressed.  Sometimes you have to do...

My reflection from the last two weeks.  I felt like I've lost my beginner's mind here. A part of the freshness I came into Berlin with.  It's good to remember to be more genuine and more in the moment. Alignment, disalignment. Life.  I have a talk with Carly in an hour about her experiences regarding sexual abuse in the past. I'm nervous, but I'm clear on what this is.  A conve...

The filter we see things through. The magnifying glass that seeks. Our questions to ourselves and others. Our questions direct our search for information, the same information we use to build the model that is our world.  How will we go on interacting with the world through the questions we impose on it. 

I talk about my last two weeks in Berlin.  How I feel like I'm not being as genuine as I can be and how being more genuine and innovative with my approach to finding a job gives me more energy and perspective.  I've been here for almost 3 weeks now and I'm running into people I've met almost daily. Goes to show that at least something I'm doing has to be right.  Lazim, I have to, co...

I recorded this with Jan back in January but didn't upload it until now. At the time I didn't feel like I had Jan at his genuine best. I want you guys to see him the way I do. But hey, for now you'll only hear his majestic voice.  This was right after our final exams for our 5th semester out of a total of 6 semesters for our entire degree.  We're keeping this one for the memory book :)

I feel like a seed under concrete.  Being the type of person ready to push against a city full of potential. Alongside of that, I realized that a bad feeling was looming over me for the longest time, and after sitting down and focusing on that feeling, I realized it's my relationship to Midnight Wisdom that's causing that. I haven't set limits on my recordings. I haven't set anything to grow...