Midnight Wisdom

I woke and had a German class. I immediately recorded my dream. I'm glad I did.

18.11.2020 I went through the situation in my mind a million times. How this thing could have affected that, how when I did this that happened. How he might have been joking, how he was, how he was also crazy. There's more structure now, for sure. I craved it, have been craving it and am very glad for it. I'm glad for it. Take care.

I took a bong hit, pulled out my phone and began recording while I was still in the house. In the middle of it all, everything still chaotic and on top of each other. I get interrupted twice. What a day. I'll be excited to listen to this one day.

My housemate's gone mad.

Recorded on the 5th of November 2020. Felt like a good day. Regaining flow. I just got off the phone with my grandfather now. And was just present with him. Sunday 8th of November 4:37 pm. It's good to have him in my life, who knows how long I'll have him for. Things speak to me at night. And I speak to myself. Formulating sentences, putting them together. Thinking it all through.  I wish I c...

Can't be too bothered.

24th of October 2020  2 years now, on the dot. I had nice dreams last night. A priestess on an oval boat.

I recorded this week on my phone, at different times and segments after doing things and throughout all of it. I find it a much more interesting way to do it if I want to keep a real time journal I can look back to and reflect on. This week: Reflected on why pure reflection is considered the highest form of intelligence, even if someone isn't 'smart'. (11 minutes) Didn't come to any real answer. S...

There's so much room forwards for things to happen. Let's not limit it. 11.10.2020 Exactly a year after I've been in Berlin, and I've only noticed while recording.  I found a new job and I start in 2 days.  I'm remembering what meditation is for me. And I'm finding a calm piercing force in me all over again.  I'm waiting to heal from my injury that's still happening. And I'm finding...

02.10.2020 I recorded this right before going out to Mama bar. I had my first French dream that day, my head is in a weird haze the past few days. I haven't been sleeping really well because I've gotten too used to my room and my bed. I know that I'll be a very different person if I had my own house with a living room and actually different places to sit and different rooms to do things. But that'...

27.09.2020 More than a year and eleven months now, I've been doing this. I talk about creation again, about where I am now. I'm almost done reading the long walk. I've been eating pretty much a lot of sugar, but I feel like I'm coming back to a better diet. I feel a power in myself and in my being, in my path and in myself. It's interesting. It's insane. It's what it is. I'm not attaching to it to...

20.09.2020 The book in front of me. Forming in front of me, by me, and through me. I would be doing something, anything, and then I'd feel drawn in, I'd feel an urge. A longing for the story. I let go, I hold on to the pencil, and find myself writing away. Carving, forming, unfolding.  All I have to do is let it come through, without so much obstruction. But an eye for construction. As it all...

13.09.2020 3pm  I flowed enough to catch a free movie and a party.  I'm trying to listen more and more. I see that when my head is in a space of distraction, there is no need to "do" anything to get it out of that space. To finish or eliminate tasks to free up that space. There is always space. It's about reaching the clarity to find it, be it and live it. That's why in times like this,...

Recorded on the 3rd of September 2020 at the same time and place I recorded “3 days before 23” at on the 9th of June (I think I said 19th of May in the episode itself). I sat down in the quiet and cool night, and I listened to the entire thing. And then I recorded this one. A mirror.  I allow myself to hold that mirror up to myself thanks to technology. I realized talking is a method I use no...

I felt like I did something irreversibly bad. And I couldn't bring myself to think it came from anything that I actually did. It made me think of the direction I'm taking, and where I am. As someone who's always trying to follow a true path, what does something like that even mean? I look at fear in this one, at least fear for me. Of loss, of gain and being in foreign states. I don't get to any an...

Recording on the lsp4 and I'm still getting used to it. Not the best choice when going walking around without a lavier mic. I wish I had something that can record me on spot without all the hassle.  Yeah. 

10.08.2020 How do you inspire loyalty in people? A friend of mine visited for the weekend. I went naked on a nudist beach. Finding out next steps.  :)

07.08.2020  Johannes left on the 6th. Another friend came on the 7th. I came back from a hiking trip with the boys from the 31st to the 2nd.  I reflect on leaving the job, next steps, and contraband substances like truffles. It's life, there's mistakes, it's alright. Best, K

28th of July.  I had my "End of Probation Chat" at 6:30 pm Tuesday 28th of July. I went in with a solid frame of mind, after 2 weeks off to re-calibrate and doing two solid days of work. I re-framed the situation and went in knowing exactly how I'd ask for a raise.  I was let go. "We have bad news." were the first words she said, as empathetically as she could muster. I was really calm t...

Hope he enjoyed it.  26.07.2020 I almost forgot to say that.. for the longest time I had anger. And I'm not angry anymore. Wonderful how I forgot to mention that. I almost forgot what it was, to be here, real, me and myself. I wish I talked about my finances more. Instead of just saying "I'm broke." or "I have till then and then to be broke" I will talk about my finances. To see something, no...

15.07.2020 Recorded on my new lsp4. I had to admit I might be a bit mad when I listened to the first few minutes of this. I had the recorded next to me in the bathtub as I stood in cold water. Then I started shadow boxing in the bathtub.  I went through in my head about things that I've been thinking about.  How love brings out the worst in people, and how lovebirds can go to being dista...

I must have recorded this back in may or april.. hmm donno

Friday night after a long week, took it completely for myself.  I got a new pocket microphone that I set in front of me but I was pointing it to the tv and not to me, so that gave more focus to the game audio and not me.  Smoked a big bong hit and played Metro: Last Light. Fun game.  Communists living in the metro underground after nuclear fallout.  I reflect about a lot but I...

I'm creating a type of suffering in myself I don't need to experience. I hurt myself with my anger. I hurt myself with thinking the world we are in will collapse soon. I feel like we're not doing something so fundamental right. I can't point my finger on it. And that doesn't help at all.  As if I can find and hold an answer. And once I do everything is going to be okay.  That's not true.

21.06.2020 Ups downs, falls. The weight of my life, the weight of writing. Been trying to hold on to it all together but damn. The weight that I tell myself I carry as the cost for my awareness.