Middle of Chaos

My senior year was different. For a while, it actually felt like my mom and I were getting along. But that didn't mean life suddenly became easy. In this episode, I share what graduation day was really like, the rumors spread about me at church, why I moved in with my aunt, and how my mom's own insecurities nearly damaged that relationship too. Sometimes leaving home is the beginning of fi...

It's been a little while since my last episode, so thank you for sticking with me. I'm glad you're here. Between traveling abroad and getting back into the swing of things, this episode took a little longer than I had planned to share. In this episode, I share a few stories I haven't talked about before, including Mother's Day, growing up, and some of the little moments that ha...

In this episode, I continue talking about how my childhood trauma affected my relationships as a young adult and into adulthood. I share the story of my first engagement, some of the warning signs I ignored, and how badly I wanted to be loved, chosen, and accepted; even when deep down something didn’t feel right. I also talk about how much I let other people influence my decisions back then, inclu...

Sometimes life does not slow down long enough for us to catch our breath. This week brought grief, unexpected travel, studying abroad, moving preparations, technical difficulties, and more twists and turns than I could have planned for. I originally intended to release a very different Episode 14 than this one, however life had other plans once again. So instead, this episode became something more...

In this episode, I talk about my teenage years and early relationships, and what I thought love was at the time. I share personal experiences where I allowed things I didn’t truly want because I was afraid of being rejected or not liked. I also talk about an on-and-off relationship that lasted for years, and friendships that hurt me more than once. Looking back now, I can see how what I went throu...

Hello Friends, This episode is a little different, but still really important. I did record a full Episode 12, but I’ve been having trouble opening the original file. I’ve been working on it all week and I’m still trying to recover it. If I can, I will absolutely upload it. If not, I promise I will still share that full story with you. But I didn’t want to leave you with nothing. If you listened t...

In this episode, I share more about my childhood and go deeper into parts of my story I first touched on earlier in the podcast. There were things I didn’t fully understand at the time — moments that left me feeling confused, embarrassed, and unsure of how to speak up or make it stop. I talk about what that looked like for me, how I responded, and how those experiences followed me into later years...

In this episode, I share what life was like after we moved out of my grandparents’ house and into a very different environment. From growing up in a rural area surrounded by wildlife, to taking on responsibilities at a young age. I reflect on the contrast between where I felt most at home and where I was living, the experiences that shaped me during that time, and the moments that have stayed with...

In this episode, I share what holidays and birthdays looked like growing up — from celebrating with my grandparents to the changes that came when we moved away. I reflect on the differences in how those moments felt, the memories that stayed with me, and how even small experiences shaped how I saw myself. This episode includes both difficult and meaningful moments, and how they continue to impact...

After sharing my story, I wanted to talk about what stayed with me — and what has started to change. In this episode, I reflect on how my upbringing shaped me, the strength and independence it created, and the ways I had to learn to find my voice. I talk about the role my grandparents played in my life, the guilt I carried from my religious upbringing, and how I’ve slowly started letting go of fea...

In Part 2 of this story, I talk about what learning looked like growing up in my household — from homeschooling and being punished for mistakes, to discovering later in life that I had mild dyslexia. I also reflect on the role my sister played in teaching me to read, the complicated feelings of being the fifth of nine children when my mom originally only wanted two, and how those experiences contr...

In this episode, I talk about growing up in a very religious environment, the beliefs that shaped my childhood, and how faith was often connected to fear. I share how those experiences affected me, how my beliefs have changed over time, and what I still hold onto today. I also talk about how, during a period of depression, belief played a role in keeping me here — even as I continue to sort throug...

This episode explains why Middle of Chaos exists and the moment I realized I could no longer stay silent about my own experiences. This episode goes deeper into the why behind Middle of Chaos. I share what finally brought me to speak, write, and stop minimizing my own story — and why using my voice now matters, not just for me, but for anyone who has felt unseen or unheard. Listener note: This epi...

This episode marks a turning point. I respond to a listener email and open up about the first time I was picked on and when trauma began to take shape in my life. This is where the story starts to shift from background to impact.  Listener note: This episode includes discussions of trauma and family dynamics. Please listen at your own pace and take care of yourself while listening.

In this episode, we move into a new chapter — literally. I share what it was like moving in with my grandparents, living with twelve people under one roof, and adjusting to a home filled with rules, routines, and constant noise. From homeschooling without computers to learning to read, sibling dynamics, and finding refuge outside by the creek, this episode paints the environment that shaped me — t...

This episode goes back to the very beginning. I share where I was born, the places I lived, and early memories that shaped my childhood — including how I was taught to swim and what “normal” looked like in my earliest years. This episode sets the foundation for the story that unfolds throughout Middle of Chaos .

This first episode introduces Middle of Chaos — the space, the tone, and what listeners can expect. I share what it means to grow up as a textbook middle child in a large, deeply religious household, why silence never worked for me, and how this podcast became a place for honesty, reflection, and strength. Listener note: This episode includes discussions of family dynamics, faith, and trauma. Plea...