Marriage Lab

In this episode, we talk about our tells around defensiveness. What are the signs that we are becoming defensive as a listener, specifically when our spouse is sharing pain? Here are a few we identify within ourselves: The desire to edit the details of what the other person is sharing Interrupting the speaker Judging the speakers thoughts and/or feelings Feeling anger (frustration, annoyance) Want...

In this episode our good friends, Jordan and Claire, share with us how they each grew in the ability to care for each others needs despite the fear that their own would never get met. Jenna and I (Aaron), have done a number of Couples Coaching sessions with them in which we witnessed a masterful use of the communication tools in the midst of processing pain and feeling defensiveness. They discuss...

It's been both our experience of ourselves and of many other marriages that we've coached, that there is one spouse who has a propensity towards Control. We define "control" as one person's attempt at manipulating the outcome through managing another person's actions.  In this episode, Jenna talks about how control shows up for her and what is happening on a deeper le...

In this episode the Zints share about 4 ways to move away from "Roommate mode" and back to intimate connection with your spouse. These include: Sharing openly what you're experiencing without blaming (use emotion language and share about yourself, not the other person). Be intentional with your connection time. Express affection: small gestures of affection like holding, hands, hugg...

Don't be overwhelmed by your summer! You can balance all that's on your plate- while still hitting your hopes.  Grab Jenna's mini course as your guide to: Set-Up Your Summer In this episode- Jenna & Aaron talk about how you can do the same thing but with a different motivation- and it can shift everything.  What is your motivation?  Are you telling yourself you are powerless &am...

Buy Jenna's  mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer. <click here> Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages concept and consequent books revolutionized our understanding of how we communicate, hear and receive love, especially in marriage. It became a tool we used constantly to better understand ourselves and our spouse.  And, we commonly misused this tool as a way to better serve ourselves r...

Buy Jenna's  mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer. <click here> Aaron and Jenna begin a series titled "What I wish I knew" sharing what they wish they'd learned early in marriage. This first part dives into the topic of "urgency." Most conflicts in the early stages of relationships feel urgent. They become very high stakes when they don't need to be. Why? Be...

Link to online small group interest form: HERE Laughter echoes through even our most challenging times, and this episode kicks off with a tale from a men's retreat that'll have you chuckling along with us. But as our conversation turns, we confront the shadows within marriage—specifically, the silent struggle of porn addiction. We open up about the emotional toll this addiction takes on...

Needing support in walking out of a porn addiction? Join Aaron's Online Small Group which is set up to help men struggling with porn to get connected and begin to bring attention to the areas in their life that makes porn feel like the best and only option. You can also check out Aaron's book, Numb to Known: the surprising path away from porn .  In this episode, Aaron talks about how mos...

3 Unpopular Opinions About Porn Your porn use is not a reflection on your spouse. That is, it's not their fault Porn is not your problem. Porn is the solution you've chosen to the real problem You and God cannot fix this. It must be you and God and other people.  Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support...

Have you ever said, "We got in a big fight about something so small and stupid!" It happens in every marriage when there is emotional pain behind a "small and stupid" logistical problem.  In this episode, Jenna and Aaron reverse engineer their fight about a toothbrusher charger and how something so small and stupid had the potential to create a lot of disconnection but didn&apo...

Do you know what prolongs most conflict? The thing that keeps people stuck in disconnect? The pursuit of fairness. Why? Because it hinders love itself. Jesus didn't model fairness in His life or sacrifice. He modeled sacrificial love.  Love, as Jesus modeled it, will transform your marriage.  Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for...

In this episode, our friends Megan and Dalen Philp (not Philips...woops sorry guys) share the hope they found in their marriage of 20 years after they began to deconstruct the gender roles that they'd held onto so inflexibly for so many years.  Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min 1:1 ph...

In this episode, we break down 10 helpful beliefs about sharing pain. Get the infographic notes here . Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min 1:1 phone calls with Jenna  On sale for $89 until June 2 Our Pre-Marriage E-course is like coaching from your couch.  What’s inside? ✅ 6 bite-sized vide...

Jenna and Aaron share 7 unhelpful beliefs people have (they themselves used to have) about sharing pain with your spouse. Stay tuned for an episode on the helpful beliefs! Here is a review of those 7 unhelpful beliefs: Tell them everything I’m thinking Reveal to them how they hurt me Get them to see how they failed me I can resolve my hurt by hearing an apology/admission of guilt This is urgent. D...

In this episode, we interview our friends Anna & Alan Mullikin who share about the breaking of a ten year cycle. We were so encouraged by their story and know that this testimony is for everyone who's felt hopeless in their own cycles of pain and hurt in their marriage. You can follow Anna at  Please rate, review & share the podcast! >>> Would you consider financially support...

We interviewed our friends Joaquin and Renee Evans pastor a church called Bethel Austin in Austin, Texas. In this episode they share about what it requires of them to co-pastor a large church while staying connected in their marriage and in their family life.  They hit on: Boundaries Intentionality Signs of disconnection Time to get away just the two of them Staying connected to mentors and peers...

In a previous episode, we when into depth about no requiring an apology from your spouse when you felt hurt from them but rather focusing on sharing your heart in order to be known. This is one side of the coin for us. And an important one at that. The other side is that due to not requiring apologies from each other, we wind up giving way more genuine apologies than ever before. In this episode,...

Choosing a spouse is choosing the person you'd like to offer the most forgiveness to of anyone else over a lifetime. Why? Because the intimacy in marriage creates more opportunity for hurt than any other relationship. Therefore, to have a thriving marriage, we must lean into the heart of Jesus and forgive each other like He forgave us. Generously, for the big and the little trangresses, witho...

Have you ever been trying to honestly explain what you're thinking or feeling and say the words "Part of me feels..." or "Part of me thinks..."? Most people do intuitively. In this episode we talk about how to utilize this phrase into our communciation with our spouse to give the most accurate picture of what's happening inside of us. We also explore how this is used...

In this episode we break down a couple tools for connecting with your spouse even when you're in the middle of conflict or have something unresolved between you both. Please rate, review & share the podcast! ------------------------------------------------------------ Join Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course ! Registration for next round begins January 3, 2024. ---------------...

Have you ever been looking forward to the weekend only to find that what was intended to be restful and relaxing, never actually filled you up? Have you ever headed back into your workweek feeling like you wasted an opportunity to take good care of yourself and your family? We definitely have! In this episode, we talk about the shift that's happened in the last year that has transformed our w...

In this episode we talk with our friend Serena Angeli who has gone on her own journey around awareness, understanding and growing in her attachment style. Interestingly, she began her journey with an avoidant style and later with an anxious style.  Jenna and I, Aaron, talk about how our avoidant and anxious styles, respectively, seem to perfectly trigger each other. Each of us talk about the growt...

In this episode Aaron & Jenna talk about what to do when you feel like your spouse is stuck in life.  the common mindsets the pop up when you recognize your spouse is stuck what to avoid the best ways to help Join Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course ! Please rate, review & share the podcast! For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book on...

In this episode we interview our friends Autumn and Andrew Elliott. They saw a major turn in their connection after some counseling revealed a need for a "baseline." This baseline served as their way to stay connected on the most basic level so that the small conflicts that used to tank them before were no longer pulling them down. Another possible name for this "baseline" are...