Marriage Lab

🎉 It’s our 16th anniversary , and apparently our marriage is now old enough to get its driver’s license. 😅 But let’s be real—  Even after 16 years, date night convo doesn’t always flow naturally (especially when we’re tired or parenting has fried our brains). So we decided to change that. 💬 In this episode, we: Answer 16 intentional + fun questions —one for each year we’ve been married Share la...

Not all breakthroughs come in a flash. In this episode, we talk about the kind of transformation that happens slowly—over months or even years. The kind you don’t always see until you look back and realize, we’re not where we used to be. We fully believe in sudden miracles. We’ve seen God move in dramatic ways.  But in our own marriage, most of the lasting change has come through showing up when t...

In this episode, we talk about the often-overlooked rhythm of re-entry —what it looks like when one spouse returns from a trip and the home dynamic shifts again.  We share how we’ve learned to treat that adjustment period with extra care, tweak our habits, and give each other grace instead of expecting a seamless snap-back to normal.  If you’ve ever had a rocky re-entry, this one’s for you.  You j...

Birthdays—love them or dread them, they can be a surprisingly tense topic in marriage. 🎂 From unspoken expectations to last-minute letdowns, these special days often carry more emotional weight than we realize. In this episode, we’re diving into the highs and lows of celebrating birthdays with your spouse, sharing our own birthday wins and major misses over the years. You’ll hear about:  ✅ The s...

In this episode, we’re tackling the hidden ways we sabotage our own connection in marriage—especially when we expect our spouse to read our minds. No matter what it is, waiting for them to magically meet our unspoken needs is a passive approach that creates distance instead of intimacy. We’ll explore why taking the risk to express what we truly need leads to deeper belonging, even when it feels vu...

In this episode, we talk about our respective styles of processing how we are feeling. Aaron is an external processor, needing to externalize what's he's feeling in order to understand it. Jenna is an internal processor, needing time to internally mull over what she's feeling in order to understand it. These two different styles can make conflict unnecessarily difficult unless you k...

In this episode, we continue our conversation about changing how we show up in conflict by focusing on the choice we have in how we respond to our spouse’s pain. When your spouse shares hurt, are you holding out your compassion cup, or are you holding out your identity cup? We explore how defensiveness often signals that we’re interpreting their pain through the lens of our own identity and fears,...

Most people use Courtroom tactic when in conflict in their marriage or in other relationships.  In this episode we unpack why this strategy is ineffective for real transformation. We get stuck "lawyering up" and end up adding pain to the initial incident.  In this episode, we talk about where the real power is for transforming your marriage. It's found in the counter-intuitive grace...

This episode is the third in a series on being triggered. So what do we do when our spouse is triggered? Well, we certainly don't tell them they're triggered. That never helps. Instead we get to offer our own peace and calm as we approach them with curiosity and compassion. And when we know we won't have that available to give, we use the "pause" that we would've agre...

Following up the last episode titled, "The Science of 'Triggered'", we talk about what the four most common triggered responses are (Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn), what they look like in action and ultimately what growth and healing looks like Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"...

"Triggered" has become a buzzword in our culture in recent and it's been commonly used to describe an experience for which someone else is responsible and therefore someone else's responsibility to manage.  In this episode, we break down the science of what's happening physiologically when we get triggered and the truth about what we're invited to into when it happens...

In this episode we talk about how our connection with Jesus has grown and been shaped over the past year through small, consistent action. How to Build a Bible Habit That Sticks! - Video Crisis of Faith episode - Marriage Lab Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min 1:1 phone calls with Jenna  On...

In this episode we talk about one of the central tenets to experiencing life-long sustainable change both within yourself and within your relationships: learning to engage your inner scientist instead of your judge. The judge is your inner critic focusing on the results, casting judgement and contempt towards who you are based on your behavior. The scientist is your inner curiosity focusing on the...

In this episode we talk over how we intentionally plan for a peaceful holiday season when you both have different ideas about what that means. If you would like an assist in your planning grab a copy of Jenna's Peaceful Christmas Planner Support the show ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GRAB Jenna's Summer Cours...

In this episode we discuss how often our logical conversations can turn into emotional ones and what to do when that happens. Refer to our episode: How to stop fighting over stupid stuff For the Peaceful Christmas Planner, email zintmarriagelab@gmail.com.  Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min...

In this episode, we dive deep into the art of sharing pain with vulnerability and compassion. We also address the common challenge of feeling a deficit after sharing and how to turn to the Lord to fill those emotional gaps. This episode is packed with practical exercises and guidance to help you speak your pain effectively while maintaining love and connection in your relationship. Tune in for pow...

How many times has conflict in your marriage led to a huge blow up? One person starts off by trying to share their heart and an hour later you're both left with more hurt than where it started? There's a reason this happens. Most of the time it can be found when the order of operation is broken.  The order of operation in math states that to find the correct answer to an equation, you mu...

In this episode, we interview Jill & Mitch Martin who’ve been empty nesters for the past 7 years and what connection has looked like for them before and after their kids left the house. Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min 1:1 phone calls with Jenna  On sale for $89 until June 2 Our Pre-M...

In this episode we talk about the culture shifting power of apologies; offering them freely and frequently. This is different than fawning which is apologizing for anything and everything in an attempt to appease or placate. This also different than admitting guilt or wrongdoing. The kind of freely-given, frequent apologies we're talking about are those that begin with a recognition that my a...

This episode shares one of the simplest and yet most profound keys to changing the culture in your marriage. Gratitude. Now hear us out! We will share how gratitude provides one of the greatest ROI's in relationships, how we will face internal resistance to it, what it looks like to create practical habits and real life stories of it at work in our marriage. Click here for the $24 Group Coach...

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron share the secret sauce to seeing change in your marriage. It's simpler than you think. Just more humbling. Click here for the $24 Group Coaching Package  2 calls : June 2 & July 7 @ 9am pst Click here for the "Summer Support"  6x 10 min 1:1 phone calls with Jenna  On sale for $89 until June 2 Our Pre-Marriage E-course is like coaching from your c...

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron talk through a conflict they had that morning. This particular one was not a new dynamic in their relationship and had created disconnection many times before. However, this time they successfully paused in dysregulation, intentionally moved towards connection and set some boundaries. Main takeaways: If your buttons are getting pushed, remember, they are your butto...

In this episode we explore the pitfalls of comparing your spouse to others and the negative impact it can have on your relationship. This comparison can create feelings of judgment and inadequacy, leading to a decline in positive affection and increasing resentment. By idealizing other people's spouses, you set unrealistic expectations and can inadvertently foster a sense of longing or even l...

Take 10 week to invest in building better habits with   Jenna's Mastery Course  <click to-register: open NOW> Class starts Oct 1, 2024- Can passivity be the silent killer in your marriage? In this episode, Aaron and Jenna get real about their own struggles with passivity, sharing how ignoring, avoiding, or delaying discomfort led to feelings of being stuck. Through candid personal stori...

Take 10 week to invest in building better habits with   Jenna's Mastery Course  <click to-register: open NOW> Class starts Oct 1, 2024- In this episode of Marriage Lab , Aaron and Jenna dive into the realities of maintaining a strong connection in marriage, especially during transitions and busy seasons. They share personal stories and insights on how small, consistent habits can signif...