Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

So, we talk a lot on this show about new, fresh, exciting love (or, let's be honest, lust!), and how magnificent and all-consuming that can be. But, we don't often talk about that wonderful long-term love - you know the kind where you can be cranky and know the other person won't get offended. Or when you know each other so well that you can finish off each other's sentences? Ahhh....

Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend? Because - spoiler alert - it's a terrible, terrible idea. Or, at least it is for most people. Anyway, my guest this week, singer-songwriter Benjamin Koll happened to do just that, falling in love with his childhood friend, no less. And so by the time he managed to overcome that, and realise that he needed to move on, he was chomping at the bi...

So when I talk about the importance of queer spaces I'm usually thinking about the fact that they give people opportunities to find others and connect, as well as exploring their identity in a safe space. But there's this whole other layer that I don't think about much. And, that is the fact that, for performers these spaces are (on top of everything else) where they get to dream and c...

So, if you ask me reality TV, as awful and cringey and addictive and delicious as it is, has been monumental in increasing queer visibility in tv and film. Back in the late 90s/early 00s when reality tv was in its infancy, there were a lot of gay ‘characters’ (for want of a better term) that were cast on these shows as (I think) a bit of a shock tactic… And what TV executives maybe didn't anti...

Sometimes I feel a bit dumb (or maybe just a bit sheepish) about some of the revelations I have through doing this show, especially since we're so close to 200 episodes (eek!) and I feel like I should know it all by now... But, then, on the other hand, the fact that I'm still learning so much is part of the reason that I'm so excited to share these stories with you. And this week the t...

You know how they say that no matter who you fall in love with during the course of your life you'll always compare everyone to your first true love? Well, I think that's also true of nightclubs. Which I know sounds a little wacky, but I wholeheartedly believe that there's something really magical about your first place. This week I sat down with Digo and Caleb from the podcast Ants Hu...

You know how sometimes these conversations are only very, very, very tenuously linked to a queer space, and in the intro I try and come up with some justification for why we didn't talk that much about it to prepare you for the episode ahead? Well, dear listener, this week I'm not even going to try to insult your intelligence by pretending that we talked about a queer space, cause we didn&...

I am kind of intrigued by this phenomenon of queer men feeling more comfortable in a lesbian bar than in any other space. And, there's no one reason, obviously, but it seems like a lot of it comes down to the lack of pretence and lack of attitude that you can find in the good ol' fashioned lesbian bar. Which brings us to this week's conversation - we're heading back to the city I grew up in, Adela...

Out of all of the musicals you could possibly blame for making you gay, I would have guessed that Les Miserables would be somewhere near the bottom of the list. But not, it turns out, if you are radio presenter, author, and host of the Coming Out Stories podcast Emma Goswell, who had her queer awakening with thanks to the story about a French peasant and his quest for redemption in 19th century Fr...

Ok, this might be a weird thing for me to admit... but, before this week's conversation, although I knew what polyamory was I hadn't really thought about the fact that there is a whole subculture around it, and that includes slang terms and specific inter-relational concepts... But, of course there is! That's just what human beings do! So, this was a useful conversation for me to help...

Sometimes I'm really taken aback by what an absolute privilege it is to do this job, and how people can be so open and honest with me. And I think it's a real honour that I get to help amplify the stories, and get the opportunity to really examine my own queerness and how that's shaped who I am. Maybe that's all a little bit too sentimental? Let's get on with what this show is...

This week we are headed to Stonewall! Only not THAT Stonewall (sorry if I got your hopes up)... No, instead of the bright lights of New York city we are headed to small town Oklahoma, to visit the Stonewall Tavern in a town named Stillwater. And whilst this bar wasn't technically a gay bar, it did create a safe environment and give people space to be themselves and figure out who they are. And...

Before anything else I need to give a huge apology to this week's guest. When we were originally arranging to talk I was very strict with him and firmly said that we could only talk about one lost space and not, as he wanted, talk about the entire shifting queer scene in Toronto.... But... well... you can probably guess when happened when we got together to chat. We went ALL over the place (wh...

So, I had a bit of an a-ha moment fairly early in to this week's conversation, and it's something that I've been wrestling with and trying to reconcile ever since. For most of my childhood I had to just suck it up and accept that things were a bit shitty, because in the back of my mind I told myself that one day it would all be better. And, so, I ended up tolerating a lot of bad behavi...

Straight people are great. Well, most straight people are. Or... some straight people are? Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that despite the fact that straight people are ok (-ish) sometimes you just need a good ol' queer friend to help show you the world. And, when most of your friends are straight people you can just end up going to where they want to go and do the things that the...

We talk a lot on this show about the very, very first time that people went to queer spaces, and all of the wonder and dread that comes with that… But, there’s another time that we don’t celebrate enough (and which I think might actually be better), and that is going out in your late 20s… For most people this is a time when you’re a little more settled, a bit less desperate (let's be honest),...

What do you do when you live in a small town that has no queer presence? Well, you go right ahead and create that presence yourself! At least that's what you'd do if you were this week's guest, the writer of the soon to be released 'Tyranny of the Fey', Terry Bartley. Now, Terry comes from a tiny tiny tiny town called Danville in West Virginia, USA. Just how tiny is it? Well, t...

One of the things that I've noticed is fairly common in people who come out later in life is just how much of a hurry they are in to experience ALL of the queer shit they've missed out on... And that is what happened to this week's guest, podcaster and voice-over artist Phil Corin, who, upon realising that they may not be heterosexual was on a mission to make their way to the New York...

So, this might be the saddest episode we've ever had... And, I don't say that in a sensationalist way! I mean it legitimately. So, if you're not in the right headspace to listen to a sad chat then maybe come back to this episode another time. But, for those of you who are in the mood for a little contemplation let me tell you all about my guest, Robert Black. Robert is probably best kn...

I'm still thinking a lot about this week's conversation. And, in particular, it's made me think about the things I do in my life just to live up to other people's expectations of who I should be. And I'm trying to unpick that and understand it better... But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get in to the episode.... This week I'm chatting to the burlesque artiste,...

So, I'm just going to come right out and say it - school kind of sucked.  And, it's bad enough when you have that gnawing suspicion that you don't fit in, but the real kicker is when other kids start to notice this too, and they think that the most appropriate response is... to go out of their way and make your life misery...  I was never really popular, and so I just learnt to keep my...

You know, in all of the time that we've been doing this show we've never featured a sauna... but that's about to change! Our very first sauna is ACI, which was in San Antonio, Texas. And, showing us around is the subversive queer rapper Chris Conde. Now, Chris was a military brat, and so they moved around a lot when they were a kid. But, as a young adult they decided they wanted some s...

You know that cliche about being in a crowded room but still feeling all alone? Sometimes I think the person that came up with that imagery was talking about being on a dancefloor in a gay bar. Cause, yeah, there's so much to celebrate there - a room full of people who get to be themselves for the evening. But, there can also be a feeling of disconnect or outsider-ness... And, even though that...

So, this week we're going to do something a little different... It's our first ever episode celebrating the Eurovision Song Contest. And, before you say it - yes, technically Eurovision isn't a queer event. But, I mean... have you ever watched it? it's pretty bloody queer... And, to celebrate the 2023 competition I sat down to chat to Rob Holley, the Head of Content for the Eurovis...

You must be exhausted because you've been running through my mind all day.... Ooooh yeah! This week on the show we're talking all about pick up lines... the cringier the better! What started off as a conversation about expectations versus the reality of flirting in a gay bar quickly turned in to a back-and-forth of cheesy pick-up lines! And, who is flirting with me? Why, it's Jay Roudy...