Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

"I don't know how you do it." I have heard this phrase on and off in my life, but that was nothing compared to how often I have heard those words since Andy died. I know people mean well when they say, "I don't know how you do it," but I never really know how to respond. I don't feel any stronger or more resilient than anyone else. Quite the opposite is the case actually. I often feel weak and alo...

Communication is such an important part of the human experience. We all come from different backgrounds and with different experiences, but being able to communicate with each other and share our own perspectives brings us closer together. When Chezik's 3-year-old son, Yori, drowned in a backyard pool, she was unexpectedly thrust into a completely new world and forced to learn a new language. This...

I have thought a lot recently about blame in the context of grief. When a child dies, it is natural for feelings of blame to emerge. Whether we blame ourselves, blame our child, blame another person, or even put the blame on God, there is a lot of it to go around. Additionally, others can be very vocal about where they feel the blame should be placed when our child dies. This is often done through...

From the first email I received concerning Gwyneth and her son, Laird, I was struck with how important friendship was in Gwyneth's life. You see, Gwyneth was not the one who first wrote to me about her story. It was her dear friend, Caroline. Caroline wrote that Laird had been her son's best friend and that she had promised to do whatever she could to help her in her grief journey and her quest to...

From the first email I received concerning Gwyneth and her son, Laird, I was struck with how important friendship was in Gwyneth's life. You see, Gwyneth was not the one who first wrote to me about her story. It was her dear friend, Caroline. Caroline wrote that Laird had been her son's best friend and that she had promised to do whatever she could to help her in her grief journey and her quest to...

As Candi sat in the ER after losing her 5-year-old son, Asher, tragically in a farming accident, she wondered how life could go on. The pain was just too great. Candi had seen a therapist for years and knew that her therapist was also a bereaved mom. Candi asked her sister to ask the therapist what she was supposed to do. She answered, "You circle your wagons, and just hang on."   Honestly, in the...

"Thank you, Momma." These were the last words that Holly's daughter, Brittany, spoke before slipping into unconsciousness and eventually passing away. Holly clings to these words, even now, almost three years after Brittany's death. For 20 years, Holly had been at Brittany's side through her long, complex medical journey, never even spending 24 hours away from her. However, Holly questioned hersel...

After Maxine's son, 19-year-old Chandler, died when his truck caught on fire 7 months ago, she knew that there was no way that she could get through even one day without God's help. Maxine says that she 'fell to her knees and thanked God for every second that she got to be Chandler's Mom.' After walking beside her sister after losing her 14-year-old son nine years before, Maxine had an idea of how...

Today's guest, Pat, says that when her son Alex (all his friends called him Clarke) was young, her family would have been considered a 'good' family. She and her husband were college professors with great jobs and an amazing son who was both intelligent and athletic. They enjoyed backyard barbecues with friends and neighbors. They had no idea that a major change was just around the corner.   After...

When listener, Carolyn, sent us a list of topics that she thought would be great for our Livestream chats, several stood out to us as great ideas. The first one we decided to tackle concerned the Work of Grief and even more specifically having an annual grief plan in place. To be honest, the idea of a grief plan both intrigued me and gave me anxiety. I feared that if I found myself unable to follo...

When grieving mom, Olga, is feeling down and defeated, she will watch a video that her late son, TJ, asked to make while she was working on a project herself.  In the video, TJ says, 'We are dedicated and motivated. We do not give up. Even if we are sad, we do not give up. Never.' At the time, TJ was a happy, healthy young 5-year-old boy. He was a joy and a light to all around him. Olga had no ide...

When I am suddenly stuck in traffic on a busy freeway, feelings of panic quickly build inside me. My heart starts beating faster. My hands begin to feel sweaty. It can feel difficult to breathe. As I tightly grip the steering wheel, visions of another car accident come into my mind. I say to myself over and over, 'I can't do this. I can't do this.'   Today's guest, Jamie, may have a solution to th...

Today's guest, Jason, has always felt a bit unique as a dad. Early in their marriage, Jason and his wife decided that when they had children, he would be the stay-at-home parent. I was actually surprised to learn that 1 in 5 stay-at-home parents are now stay-at-home dads. What makes Jason's story more unique, however, is that both of his children had special needs. When someone is the primary care...

When  today 's guest, Heather, lost her precious 4-year-old son, Jake, 13 years ago, her life was turned upside-down. Jake (or Jakey as he was often called) was medically fragile and suffered from chronic seizures, as well as additional medical complications, but Heather never allowed herself to think that he would die. Heather left her job as a special ed teacher and dedicated her life to making...

"What now?"   This is the question that today's guest Bridget asked herself after she and her family made the difficult decision to remove her 28-year-old son, Preston, from life support following his car accident while on a trip to Florida. Bridget had watched her own mother live through the nightmare of child loss when Bridget's 13-year-old brother died. She had lived in a broken family and had...

When a listener suggested that we talk about grandparents and grief, I thought that it would be a good topic for one of my Livestream episodes with Gwen, but I never realized how much I would learn myself. As you all know, Andy's 20th birthday was last week so I did not prep as much as I normally do for Livestream episodes. I did not have days of questions being posted for listeners in the week ah...

Tara's teen daughter, Taylor was the kind of friend who made others feel like they were the most special person in the room. When Taylor tragically died in 2010 in a skiing accident, Tara says that the easiest decision that the family had to make was when they were asked, 'Your daughter is a beautiful candidate for organ donation; would you consider it?' They knew their loving, caring daughter wou...

I have a confession to make. This is a hard week for me. In three days, we will have to 'celebrate' Andy's 20th birthday. I have been thinking all week about what a 20-year-old Andy would be like. Would he have decided on a career path? Would he be dating a special girl? Would he still show some of his inner silliness? I'm sure that instead of me kissing the top of his head, he would be tall enoug...

What is a miracle? Many people have told today's guest, Freddie, that his son, Randy, was a living miracle. Few would have argued that point. Randy was diagnosed with cancer at 4 1/2 years of age. After conventional chemotherapy and radiation failed to treat his tumor, the family was told that Randy had 6 months to live. They turned to NIH studies, but none of those treatments ever made it out of...

When Sandy first contacted me after her son, Blake's death, I never imagined that less than 2 years later she would be sharing his story on the podcast. When Sandy wrote to me, it was only 6 weeks since Blake had died. The pain was palpable throughout her email. Her very last sentence to me read, 'This is the MOST excruciating pain ever!!' She was filled with anger toward the doctors who failed to...

Last July 4th weekend, I had the honor of going to a very sacred space with two bereaved moms, Dixie, and today's guest and dear friend, Michelle. We retraced the steps that Michele and her family took on that fateful day on July 4th, 2020 when Michelle lost her amazing 19-year-old son, Corban, who drowned in Lake Michigan. From the first steps walking along that trail, I knew that we were doing s...

Recently, Gwen and I have been starting to struggle to find new topics to discuss on our Livestream episodes. Eric suggested doing an episode about how bereaved people can feel like life is out of control, especially early in grief. After Andy died, I felt like our whole world was spinning out of control. Life was suddenly going really fast and I just wanted things to slow down. The world was no l...

We as grieving people often feel as if we are being judged by others. If I laugh or smile, will people think I am 'over' Andy's death? Will they think I don't care or think about him anymore? If people see me sad and crying, will they think that I should be doing better? Will they judge me and think that I should be able to keep my emotions in check? However, as much as we fear judgment from other...

When Susan's 19-year-old son, Chad, died in September 2020 during the pandemic, it was an extremely isolating time, but she and her family were also completely exposed. Chad was a healthy, young athlete who died from an extremely rare neurological disease called Weston-Hurst syndrome. This horrific disease is rapidly progressive and most often fatal as it attacks the central nervous system. Its sp...

From the first minutes of listening to this week's podcast, you will feel an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. While in middle school, Marisol's son, Daniel, went on a church trip to Niagra Falls and fell in love. Now, you might think that he fell in love with the beautiful waterfall, but it was the people who impacted Daniel. He saw that beyond tourism, there were people who were truly...