Lit AF Relationships

On today’s episode I talk about the patterns behind the anxious preoccupied attachment style. Our attachment styles show us how we relate to others and what strategies we use to keep ourselves safe in relationships. It is possible to change your attachment style. And it’s also possible to help your partner become more secure by showing up securely in the relationship. In this episode, I share the...

On today’s episode I talk about the patterns behind why you’re partner gets defensive. The reason they get defensive is because of their attachment style. Our attachment styles show us how we related to others and what strategies we use to keep ourselves safe in relationships. It is possible to change your attachment style. And it’s also possible to help your partner become more secure by showing...

This week on Lit AF I share common relationship patterns for the fearful avoidant attachment type. Attachment styles help us understand common relationship patterns that keep repeating. You might think that breaking up with someone will fix the problems only to get into a new relationship with the same issues. I’ve totally been there. It’s confusing and super annoying. But understanding your attac...

On this week’s episode I break down how to hack your life if you’re feeling lonely or going through a breakup. Let’s be real, breakups suck and loneliness can really consume your life. But there are some easy ways to trick your brain into getting your core needs met so you feel like you’re still receiving the benefits of a romantic partner or relationship. The amazing thing with this work is that...

On today’s episode I talk about my issues with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. I should start by saying I do think there are some positives about this book. But when I first opened it years ago I was very triggered by it and it took me a while to pick it back up. I share about why the book was triggering to me and some of its big misses. I believe its written quite well fo...

On this week’s episode I share why working with the body is important to healing your attachment style. The body is a great temperature gauge for what is going on in our brain. Feeling emotions is a uniquely human experience. And most insecure attachment types work really hard to avoid emotions as much as possible. In this episode I share how to start to get in touch with your emotions and build a...

On this week’s episode I talk about the important role of spirituality in healing your attachment style. In this episode I share about the difference between religion and spirituality. I define ways to connect with your spiritual practice. And I encourage you to make your spiritual practice uniquely yours. There are many benefits to a spiritual practice including tapping into an infinite resource...

On today’s episode I examine the different attachment styles that play out in Ultimatum: Queer Love on Netflix. I evaluate each of the attachment styles of the characters in the show and explain the mechanics of their relationships at play. It’s fun. It’s spicy. And watching the relationships in the show helps us understand each of the attachment styles in a deeper way. I finish by talking about t...

Today on the show I talk about the relationship between money and attachment styles. I share how each attachment style relates to money. Whether your fearful avoidant, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, or secure you definitely have a relationship to money. Attachment is one of the many influencies and factors on your relationship to money. I share why money is such an intense and difficult...

In today’s episode I talk about why you have sworn off dating. I go into each of the attachment styles anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and secure to talk about how each of them arrive to this important stage of healing. Believe it or not swearing off dating is a huge part of healing. I just don’t want you to get stuck on this stage. I finish the episode sharing a few ti...

On today’s episode I talk with my recent client, Chelsea Riffe, about healing her anxious attachment style. We talk about her journey to secure attachment where she is now practicing understanding and meeting her needs on a daily basis. We cover so many topics including how to approach fear of rejection, ending relationships that aren’t the right fit quicker, overcoming the feeling of being too mu...

Showing up authentically on a date can be difficult, especially if you tend to people please or have an insecure attachment type. On this episode, I share a few tips to get into a secure mindset before you go on a date. I include tips for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment styles. This takes practice and I encourage you to take baby steps. But there are huge...

Today on the podcast I talk about the anxious avoidant trap. I answer the question, “Do you think people in an Anxious / Avoidant relationship can work with time and patience or are they incompatible? I keep going back and forth on if I just need time and to completely heal, or if I need to find someone who will work with my anxious attachment style.” I explain why these attachment types tend to e...

On this week’s episode I answer the question, “Do you think you can only earn secure in the context of relationships? In other words, even if you’ve done tons of work, can you be certain you’re (mostly) healed without testing it in a relationship?”. I get this question alot in different forms, do I need to be single to heal my attachment style, do I need to be in a relationship to heal my attachme...

In this episode, I interview Jessica Fern author of Polysecure. I really wanted to have her on the show because this book is an amazing resource about attachment for both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships. We discuss all things attachment including external environmental factors that affect our attachment style, our attachment with mother earth, and how to heal your attachment in a relati...

Fizzling is when someone you’re talking to online or have been on a date with puts the brakes on communicating with you. They don’t completely ghost you but the conversation starts slowing down like a car running out of gas. In this episode I share common signs that your situationship or relationship is fizzling. I explain why ghosting and fizzling are common dismissive avoidant behaviors. And the...

In this episode I answer a listener’s question that is struggling with distrust in their relationship. Their dismissive avoidant partner has a habit of lying and she is triggered by his behavior. This episode is particularly great for anxious preoccupieds and fearful avoidants that struggle with hypervigilance. I explain how to handle the triggering emotions that come up and then I share tips on h...

In today’s episode I share how I healed my fearful avoidant attachment type. The fearful avoidant attachment style flip flops between anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant so there are some good strategies in here no matter which side of the attachment spectrum you’re on. I go over how I originally heard about attachment style, what program I used to start healing, and the incredible changes...

Are you communicating on the dating apps and feeling anxious? In this episode I share a few tips on how to communicate on dating apps when you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style. This episode is also for you if you are fearful avoidant that leans anxious. I share how anxious preoccupied people tend to show up on dating apps and how to slow down in your communication. Additionally I revie...

Breakups can trigger your attachment system which makes them especially painful to navigate. In this episode I review how each of the different attachment styles handle a breakup including anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and dimssive avoidant. I share four tips to help you heal from the breakfup whether you did the breaking up or you were broken up with. I finish the episode answering quest...

Are you dating someone new and getting too excited or overwhelmed about it? You’re not alone! This is so common for anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment types. In this episode, I explain how the different attachment styles are activated when dating someone new. I break down how to regulate your own nervous system for each attachment type so you can get back to...

So you’ve been going to therapy for years and you’re not seeing any changes? I get it. I went to therapy for about four years and I didn’t see much drastic change. In this episode I talk about the difference between therapy and coaching. I also share how healing your attachment style helps you show up more authentically in therapy. And last I share how to use coaching and therapy together to heal...

Are you doing dating math around dating in your city? Do you think your city is in fact the worst city to date? Do you live in Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Seattle, London, Paris, or Chicago? When you’re thinking this you are actually in lack mentality. And I hate to say it but it’s not possible for all of these cities to be the worst. The truth is dating is just hard. In this episode I s...

Are you ruminating about breaking up with your partner? If breaking up with your partner is your go-to reaction whenever there is conflict in your relationships this episode is for you! This is a very common habit for dismissive avoidants. I know because I used to struggle with this. In this episode, I share why dismissive avoidants are always thinking about breaking up as the solution to conflict...

This week’s episode was recorded in front of a live audience at Whitney Cubbison’s San Francisco book launch of Will Be There Wine . I always love using books, movies, and tv shows to understand our own relationship patterns better. This book is no different. In this episode we discuss the lessons learned in the book including how to remain secure, the myth of no sex on the first date, and how to...