Lit AF Relationships

This episode covers the five steps to creating secure attachment for a better relationship. If you are anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, or fearful avoidant this episode is for you. I cover the relationship dynamics that most insecure attachment styles experience and how you can heal your attachment style. When you create secure attachment, you feel supported, prioritized, and connected in...

Today, I talk with Becca about how she overcame her anxious-preoccupied attachment style to get over her ex and finally start dating. When we started working together, she had been struggling to get over her ex for over a year. She was new to dating and felt inexperienced. She was working overtime to make sure others felt comfortable while staying small and hiding herself. Now she is dating, havin...

My client recently asked me based on all the couples that I work with what advice I would give to a man that wants to have a better marriage. I told him to take his wife of the pedestal so they are on an even playing field. Naturally, I had to record this episode so you have this information too. I share how this dynamic plays out and the true cost it has to your marriage. I also share the specifi...

In today’s episode, I go over the four different attachment styles and their main patterns in relationships. I talk about their biggest fears, how they show up in relationships, and what they should focus on to create earned secure attachment. I also explain the dynamics at play in the anxious avoidant relationship dynamic. If you want to learn more about your attachment style or need a refresher,...

This episode is to help you through the times when your relationship or marriage feels hard. I call them low love cycles. And every relationship has them. I share four tools to help you through the low cycle. And I even pull some wisdom from the superstar herself, Taylor Swift. No I’m not a Swiftie, but her approach to songwriting can help you get through this low cycle. Tune in so you can get bac...

Today I’m spilling the tea about how to reframe boundaries as a loving and supportive act for a healthy relationship. If you have an anxious-preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, or fearful-avoidant attachment style, you likely don’t set boundaries at all, set too many boundaries to avoid vulnerability, or feel like boundaries are a punishment and don’t want to hurt people with them. This episode will...

Every longterm relationship will eventually pick up some scrapes and bruises. Some wounds will be bigger than others. But it is important to repair these wounds in order to rebuild a deeper connection with each other. If you’ve experienced betrayal, disappointment, or feeling let down in your relationship, this episode is for you. I share the steps you need to take in order to rebuild trust betwee...

If you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, you likely have a repetitive argument that you keep coming back to. Usually there’s a word, phrase, or tone that will set one of you off, and that reaction escalates into conflict. It can feel like this fight never gets resolved. I share a recent one that I had with my husband and then I share the steps to resolve this conflict so it doesn’t keep...

Do you spend a lot of time doubting your relationship? Do you immediately go to look on Zillow after having conflict with your partner? If you tend to fantasize about hitting the easy button on your relationship, this episode is for you. I share why the anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant, and especially the dismissive avoidant doubt their relationships. Then I share the easy process to drop the...

If you experience a push-pull dynamic in your relationship, this episode is for you. I explain the common anxious avoidant relationship pattern. I talk about the anxious preoccupied and dismissive avoidant attachment types and why they have a natural push-pull tendency. I also explain why these two insecure attachment types tend to get into a relationship with each other. Finally, I end the episod...

Are you listening to defend yourself with your partner instead of listening to connect? In this episode, I break down why you feel the need to defend yourself when your partner is sharing. I explain which attachment styles tend to do this. And then I share how you can work on listening to connect with your partner. When you drop this habit and start helping your partner feel seen and heard it real...

Is your partner shutting down when you’re offering solutions to them? On this week’s podcast episode, I explain why offering solutions to your partner who is just trying to share with you isn’t working. They feel like you’re telling them what to do. You don’t feel like your help is being appreciated. I share how you can change it from a conversation that leads to disconnection to a conversation th...

Do you get caught up in your partner’s emotions when they are angry or disregulated? Do you feel the need to match their emotion? When we react to our partner’s emotions, it actually just means we have two disregulated people instead of one. I talk about why we do this and simple ways to not get swept up in them. Tune in to start having more productive conflict with your partner. Discover your att...

If you have an insecure attachment style, you likely don’t set boundaries or set them from a reactionary place. In this episode, I break down how the different attachment styles approach or avoid setting boundaries. Then I talk about how a securely attached person sets boundaries. Tune in to hear why secure people use them to sustain their relationships and my simple process to setting boundaries...

On today’s episode, I talk about the important process of forgiveness after betrayal. Betrayal can feel really painful, and when we experience it we often tell ourselves really painful stories like I am not enough or I am not worthy. This episode covers how to get started on the path to forgiveness I share the surprising first step that doesn’t actually even include forgiveness. But it will help y...

If you grew up with an insecure attachment style you likely have a story about what it means to have a need. The dismissive avoidant believes they are a burden for having needs. The anxious preoccupied believes their needs will get in the way of having a close relationship. What ends up happening is nobody gets their needs met. In this episode, I share how to start seeing your needs as neutral and...

In this episode I slow down a real life example of a coaching session I had this week with a couple working on their healthy communication. I share how you can take a small tiny moment with your partner that would usually escalate conflict and instead reduce the conflict between you so you can actually have a conversation. When we stop reacting to our own emotions that’s when we can treat our part...

Discover your attachment style to create a healthy relationship where you feel safe and supported. Take the free quiz here: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/6329f75e6dd9410016a64043 Follow Lit AF Relationships on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com Visit the Lit AF Relationships Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/ If you’re interested in one-on-one or couples coaching, I’d love to help drop the doubt t...

If you’re getting caught hashing over the details and disagreeing with your partner’s version of the story you are stuck in relationship math and it’s hurting your relationship. When we nitpick the details our partner has shared we’re losing out on the big picture, how they’re feeling. I share the most important thing to work on to get out of relationship math so you can start connecting with your...

In this week’s episode I talk about how blame can be used in a relationship to take us out of our own power. I share how I have blamed my partner (and still catch myself doing this) to avoid feeling discomfort. It’s an easy escape hatch, but it robs us of our own power and independence. I explain what to use instead in order to feel more empowered in your relationship. Discover your attachment sty...

In this week’s episode, I talk about the dangers of outsourcing our happiness to someone else. I share what it means to be attached to someone with expectations and visions of the future, and why we never want to be in that position. I talk about the best thing to do when you’re single and looking for someone so that you stay detached in the process. And finally, I talk about how control can affec...

Discover your attachment style to create a healthy relationship where you feel safe and supported. Take the free quiz here: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/6329f75e6dd9410016a64043 Follow Lit AF Relationships on Instagram: @itsmesarahcohan.com Visit the Lit AF Relationships Website: https://www.sarahcohan.com/ If you’re interested in one-on-one or couples coaching, I’d love to help drop the doubt t...

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you likely have some past hurts that you’ve experienced in your relationship. This could be betrayal, disappointment, grief, or heartache. After many years, they start to add up. And, eventually, we start resenting our partner because of the backlog of issues that have occurred. We see each other as adversaries instead of partners. In this episode, I t...

If you think you’re a burden for having needs or are worried people will leave if you have them, this episode is for you. I talk about why personal needs are inherently neutral for people who are securely attached. I explain how they view them, communicate them, and feel when they are met or sometimes not met. I explain why needs feel impossible if you have an insecure attachment style and how to...

If you don’t know how to have conflict without it escalating into a big fight, this episode is for you. I talk about my secret weapon to helping you have a productive fight that stays on topic, and that secret is regulating emotions. I know, emotions are scary. But when you learn how to regulate them it makes a world of difference to showing up for your partner and feeling like your fights are saf...