Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

Content Warning: LANGUAGE. Steve Rogers would have a real problem with this episode. Folks, we've got a problem. We've got a WHOREHOUSE, right here in Texas! Based on the actual true events around the Chicken Ranch in La Grange, TX, instead we have singing and dancing, Dolly Parton, Burt Reynolds, and naked football player choreography! This episode brought to you by Greg Abbott and Ted Cruz. Not...

Dolly and Lily Tomlin ARE Disney Princesses. Why isn't this on Disney Plus? Melissa erased her VHS copy. MAGNETS. We need a copy because we got the Moderna vaccine. Melissa's grandma. Andy forgot TONS of this movie. Possible sequel. Dabney Coleman is peak early 80's dad. Let's talk about Roz. We have a QUESTION for Patricia Resnick. Andy apologizes for his fire alarms.

We're so happy to have Dr. Sarah Hanisko on this episode! You should listen to Geek Parenting Podcast and watch her on Twitch at https://www.twitch.tv/luvslikepi . We have lots of disagreement on this episode over whether we like this movie or not! Everyone agrees Aurora is not the main character (and why that's terrible). Comparisons to Maleficent . Don Bluth. Movies that made us cry so much.&nbs...

Featuring special guest Kelly from the Animanicast-- the world's biggest fan of the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney. Our favorite Disneyland rides. Mark wonders if this is like that "Alice in Underpants" movie he saw? We keep getting distracted by Brooke's kitty. Alice has more agency than a princess, but keeps getting gaslit, talked over, and shut down. Get better songs.  Studio notes. This was...

We're all back and we are all celebrating our animal versions in the movie. The 1977 porn version? Mark wants to know why no pants? Mark has lots of weird hot takes on this movie. Disney almost goes bankrupt--again. The Princess Formula. Discussions about mice and duck genitalia. Mark's terrible prequel ideas. We promise next week we'll be better behaved. Why we're talking about Alice in Wonderlan...

Brooke loves Snow White. JB hates Snow White. Andy has lots of Snow White facts. Who will win? Feminism-- let's get some men in here to discuss it! Is this movie more problematic or secretly feminist? Walt Disney was essentially a crazy person. The old crone queen was the best. Also the crow. Rejected dwarf names. True love's kiss and consent. Disneyland ride remake. Dad Joke The Ride-- now with l...

This movie is hot garbage. Signed, Blade. On a Post-It note. The David Goyer rabbit hole. Who choked who? Racism? He had it comin'! Misogyny and tropes. Andy won't say the one line. Brooke will use that word, but only in romantic situations with Parker Posey. Rumors aside, Wesley Snipes seems to be a pleasant person now. What We Do in the Shadows and Wellington Paranormal. So many studio notes.&nb...

Oscar talk! Wolfwalkers vs. Soul. Movie gift baskets. Top Pixar movies. Why we love Wolfwalkers. Anti-colonialism. Should we do a Cartoon Saloon Trilogy? (Secret of Kells, Song of the Sea, Wolfwalkers) Colonialism. Rick Santorum. Local Texas elections, police reform. In Memorium fails. Best Actor categories. Netflix pushed the wrong movies. The Academy Awards are an archaic system that perpetuates...

Welcome to Season 2! We're talking about Blade, the 1998 Wesley Snipes vampire Marvel movie. Reactions when this movie came out. The history of Marvel in movies. David Goyer. Wesley Snipes. Studio notes. Next week is Blade II! SPOILER ALERT: the last 2 minutes of the episode we talk minor spoilers from last week's Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Sorry. Listen to Black Men Can't Jump [in Hollywood]...

Content/Trigger Warning: racism, Apartheid, violence and abuse, especially towards children and animals. We're discussing Daniel Craig's first on-screen role as a Nazi Afrikaaner in the white savior drama The Power of One. This was a tough movie to watch. Unexplored female characters. White saviors. Misuse of Morgan Freeman. Great soundtrack tho. Can studio notes save this movie? Would we show it...

It's the penultimate episode of Season 1 as we wrap up Bond by asking, "What if Bond, but Charlize Theron?" Starting with Europe / Peter Schilling. Charlize Theron producing based on a comic book. "It cost $30 million and it looks like a million bucks." -- Andy.   Is this a female Bond movie? Better than a Bond movie. The male gaze. The soundtrack and what is the theme song? Next we transitio...

Mark has a bone to pick with Andy and JB for being mean to SPECTRE. But first, Batwoman talk. Long tracking shots. Sam Smith. Should this have been two movies? This movie is so Extra. Blofeld is SUPER Extra. Lots of Hot Priest talk. A startling discovery on The Poseidon Theory that explains one of this film's most egregious flaws. Next week: Atomic Blonde!

We're distracted by our cameras. Vaccine showdown: Pfizer vs. Moderna! Cannibalism chat!  Armie Hammer is maybe just a psychopath. And a rapist. The plot. . . was this just boring? Not Guy Ritchie enough. Thin characters. Weak villains. Low stakes. Andy still likes it! Why no sequel. LET CAVILL AND HAMMER MAKE OUT ON SCREEN, DAMMIT. The chase scenes and 3 different special effects teams .&nbs...

A word about Irish Nachos. We all love Skyfall. Sam Mendes as a director, Auteur Theory. Silva is the best villain. We love Eve Moneypenny. Albert Finney. Shooting for China and the int'l box office. A long discussion about box office and whether going to movie theaters will survive post pandemic. 

It’s a special JB birthday episode as we talk about the 1996 Jim Jarmusch black and white western DEAD MAN. No, it’s not a superhero movie. It’s the most non-franchise movie ever. William Blake and poetry. Total sausage fest. Native American representation. Finishing out Season 1 with James Bond and what's happening on Yours, Mine and Theirs with Mark and Andy guesting over the next few months. Ne...

It's our first annual look at the year before us and planning on which franchises we want to talk about through the rest of the year. It's going to be a very feminist year, with women-led films and a lot of surprise diversity among actors and. . . even some of them foreign films! TWO foreign trilogies, in fact! We hash it all out and you'll have to listen to what franchises we decide to kiss goodb...

JB ruins the podcast again, starting a running joke about penis plates? Why Mark wanted to watch Good Will Hunting. Why these characters are compelling. Chronic pain. The genesis of the script. As Good As It Gets and Titanic at the Oscars. The 1997 Box Office. Boogie Nights changed Brooke. A long discussion about theater-going and why Good Will Hunting was a big box office hit in 1997 but why it m...

Welcome to the first podcast of 2021! JB is here to ruin everything. Delays in the podcast and domestic insurrection. The inauguration. We’re a Chris Gaines podcast now. We’re not mad at the movie, we’re just disappointed. Mark explains how chapters work. Robert Jordan? Return of The Whillice Cut. The writers strike. Corrine the Canadian secret agent. Fights like a drunk guinea pig. Marc Forster....

We're now a Mads Mikkleson fan podcast, welcoming in Andy's sister Kate, her friend Gaelen, and ReturningChamp™ Melissa as our biggest Mads fans we know. Also JB and Mark are here. (We miss you, Brooke!)  It's a reboot! Is Bond the same person? Parkour. How other movies from the 2000's influenced the film. Satisfying old fans and bringing in new fans. The 2005-2006 box office landscape (Note...

A special BONUS episode pulled out of the internet time capsule. FOUR YEARS AGO, Dec 21, 2016, Brooke and Andy sat down on another podcast and talked about It's a Wonderful Life, and this was sort of the genesis of some of the ideas we had behind this podcast. It's also just a fun conversation about mental health and the holidays, COMMUNISM, Donald Trump (we had no idea what we were in for), copyr...

This movie is terrible. Just awful. Andy, Mark, Brooke and JB break it down. Halle Berry, product placement gone wrong, bad villains, Boba Fett and The Mandalorian, Rosamund Pike, Michael Madsen, Studio notes, the box office, none of the rest of this is the "best" of any category. Madonna.  Next time, CASINO ROYALE!!

Special guest Dr. Paul White is here to discuss the blaxploitation-spy-sendup starring Eddie Griffin and Christmas Jones herself.  Sorry for the delay on this episode, but hope it was worth it!

We gather to discuss the passing of a legend. We talk about everything, including Connery's statements and history with domestic violence.  Our favorite Connery movies, and yes we talk a lot about Bond. Favorite Connery quotes. A funny story from Michael Bay. You're the man now, dog, everyone.

The World is Not Enough. . . it's simply sort of "meh." People are mad at Andy's article on Bleeding Cool about Tom Hardy as James Bond. Check out Brooke's Great F@#$ing Relationships Podcast aka GFR. Happy National Coming Out Day. Mark might start a podcast for his library. Shushing. Brooke never saw this movie until this week. Andy's first theater experience with the movie. Terrible Russian in t...

We cover all three movies! (apologies for some audio issues. We blame Kreplackistani rebels.) Lots of memories of 1997, 1999, and 2002. Secret Jamba Juice recipes. (10 oz cranberry juice, 2 scoops raspberry sherbet, 1 scoop frozen raspberries, 1 scoop frozen strawberries.) Dr. Evil is the main character. Super gay content.  Next week James Bond returns in The World is Not Enough.