Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye

We've been dreaming of a true love's kiss and this movie that tries to have it both ways with princess tropes. It is, however, enchanting, as is Adele Dazeem, who inexplicably doesn't sing in this movie at all (Kitt has some studio notes about that). The movie is still incredibly white and straight, even for 2007. Nominations for Patrick Dempsey's nickname: McBoring? McDiva?   Next week we cr...

It's The Princess and the Frog and we welcome Sandee Moore back from her previous appearance and Kitt is now back as a regular princess contributor. Musker and Clements are at it again, and Lotsa Huggin Bear Jon Lasseter is making it even worse. The cult of Oprah? Depictions of vodou in mainstream media. Neil Gaiman. RANDY NEWMAN. Zydeco.  Andy does the LONGEST studio note ever with a complet...

We're back and ready to explain the three seashells with this movie that will totally be your boggle. Enhance your calm as we talk about how this movie went through development hell, had 5 different writers, and almost starred Jackie Chan and Lori Petty. . . Also, Brooke and JB have tips for how to get into the Utah Swingers scene. Can we turn this movie into Intersectional Demolition Woman ? Next...

It's a birthday choice for Brooke, who chose the animated French 2016 film Louise by the Shore, a surrealist contemplation on aging, memory and isolation. While Brooke thinks being left alone in a seaside resort village with just a dog is her idea of heaven, it is Andy's personal hell. Tom the paratrooper, tho. Pepper the dog is the bestest boi. Birds putting people on trial and boiling your noodl...

We're back to give a queer take on Mulan and make Ted Cruz, Ron DeSantis and Ben Shapiro cry. Donny Osmond. Who is Jeffrey Katzenberg? The voice cast of this movie. The cricket! Eddie Murphy? More ballsacks? Orientalism still alive in the animation. Boycotts against the movie by the Chinese Communist Party and the American Religious Right. Same as it ever was.  Next week we're doing Robi...

We're back and we're mad about this movie. HELLFIRE! Or are we mad? Maybe just bored. A brief word about the history of the Romani people. We do not use the g-word when referring to them, but we do quote directly from news outlets and the script itself who do. A brief discussion of Andy's history of seeing this movie and making out with people. "The most R-rated G movie you will ever see" -- go re...

Andy really likes this movie but is going to complain about it for 2 1/2 hours. Robin Williams. Jeffrey Katzenberg (co-founder of Quibi) and the ruining of this movie. Howard Ashman's death. The problems with Tim Rice and A Whole New World. Jasmine is doing a 1992 Feminism! (according to Men) The Nipple Report with Brooke Heym. BARFI!  Aladdin 92 vs Aladdin 2019 box office adjusted for inflat...

Kelly Adams rejoins us as we start talking about, what else, that library, tho. Kelly loves this movie. Andy loves this movie. Brooke keeps hearing Melissa's voice in her head, or her head in her... something, we don't know. But if there's a library in it for us, then we'll do pretty much anything. Belle is both amazing and problematic. Who is the antagonist of this movie? A long tangent about Sta...

Melissa is back! And Jon and Roy from Yours, Mine and Theirs are here. (NOTE: To understand some of the jokes and repeated references in this episode, Jon ate some cornbread on camera and we talked about Brooke's obsession with Savannah Smiles , a movie about runaway/kidnapping children that was filmed in Utah) They're planning a live event on July 1st and are crazy. The Batman and punching too ma...

Listener discretion advised on this one because the conversation goes in some... interesting directions. But we're back! Tonal difference from Hannibal to Disney. Mads-curious. The history of Disney post Sleeping Beauty to now (note: in the episode Andy incorrectly says Sleeping Beauty came out in 1969 when it came out in 1959, putting Little Mermaid at 30, not 20, years later. He has been appropr...

Gaelen is back for Act 3 of the show she calls "Mindf@#$ing in Three Acts"-- it's most mindf@#$ery that ever was!!! The censors were totally not paying attention. We talk about Hannibal Rising for 30 seconds and that's all there is to say about that "movie."  We ranks our best Hannibals, Will Grahams, Jack Crawfords, and Frances Dollarhydes.  Prepare for whiplash-- and next episode we're...

Happy Thanksgiving! And we have the most seasonally appropriate television show of all time, Hannibal, and its second season. We're joined by Mads superfan Gaelen again (from our Casino Royale episode). And Brooke is making a turkey dinner! The most f@#$ed up season of network television of all time. Mads lies about English fluency. We have our MCU Mads Mikkelson dream casting. The lighting! Light...

In a first, we're covering a tv show? And it's in so many ways better than some of the movies. Bryan Fuller. The triad of Hannibal, Will, and Jack. Freddy Lounds gender swapping. Get the kids out of the house to watch this show. Alana Bloom's growth as a character. GILLIAN ANDERSON, MVP OF EVERYTHING. That Mads Mikkelson tho.  Next week-- BARFI!! Watch it on Netflix because it is amazing!

Remember when we were a James Bond podcast? Well, here we are! The 25th official Bond movie (and technically the 49th episode of Season 1) and we're all here to talk about it. THERE ARE SPOILERS, and we talk about the ending very early on. We update our previous reviews from a few weeks ago. Rami Malek is still a weak villain. That ending and why the movie (and the series) doesn't work unless it e...

It's the final Anthony Hopkins performance as Hannibal Lecter in the remake of Manhunter. Brett Ratner. Milli Vanilli biopic ideas. A wild Melissa appears! Is this movie better than Manhunter? Lesbian porn. Andy is pre-emptively cancelling himself and Mark.  Next week is No Time to Die!

You can tell we were meh about this movie we took forever to talk about it. To hear about Candyman, go directly to minute 20. Before that? Intros. People are slinging fire on this episode. "Spin the Black Circle." Non-spoilery thoughts on No Time to Die range from meh to maybe the best Bond ever. Mark and Andy's excellent adventure seeing it in a theater.   Finally, Candyman . There are good...

We take a weird random turn to talk about a movie about franchises versus new, original intellectual property. "Original" but not really? Are we living in a simulation? Movie theater experience. Albuquerque Boiled Turkey. Focus Groups.  Next up, Candyman? Or maybe back to Bond? When do we get back to Hannibal? IT'S CHAOS. We don't know.

It's time for the eponymous episode. Misunderstanding Clarice Starling. The most dude-bro movie yet. Clarice the tv show. Hannibal is a dirty old man. How much worse this movie could've been. Wait until the Hannibal tv show.  Thanks again to D9 for our music. Subscribe to his YouTube channel for fresh beats every day: https://www.youtube.com/c/D9Robot Next week, we return to the Tooth Fairy s...

This isn't the first classy, Oscar-winning movie we've covered, even though Andy says it is. The boys are seeing a different Dr. Lecter than the women. Jack Crawford is a bad man. Andy has never seen Rambo II. We all idolize Hannibal too much and Claire Starling too little. Everyone gets to be smart. Emily Vanderwerff's article on why Silence of the Lambs is her favorite movie and why we shouldn't...

We hunted the man, and we found not only director Michael Mann, but also Mark! He's back to talk about why he loves Hannibal and tell us stories of the old days when he saw this movie in the theater and it only cost a nickel! Also Melissa and Brooke have no names in this episode and are only "Female Podcast Host 1 and 2" per Michael Mann's moviemaking directions. We also talk about Ted Lasso and Y...

These movies are terrible. But we explain exactly what happens in them? Sort of.  Special thanks to D9 for the music in this episode . Also, news about what we're doing next! (Spoiler: it's Hannibal time! Next week, Michael Mann's Manhunter )

Say his name five times in a mirror, and the Candyman will murder you. We really enjoyed looking back on this film before the new one comes out. Thanks, Brooke! Also thanks to Andy's brother Dan, aka D9, for his music! D9 wrote the theme song from Season 1 we used for our James Bond series, and now we're using his beats as the background theme music for this Candyman series and our upcoming Hannib...

It's a Dolly Double Feature, but sadly these movie are not great. Andy's follow-up feelings on Ted Lasso. Melissa has gigabit internet. And calls JB "the James Woods of the podcast" and now we're fighting. Recasting James Woods? More musical numbers, please. More DOLLY please. "Fix Me, Jesus" is a song about the script. Next week-- CANDYMAN.

Danielle joins us! You should watch her stream on Twitch at twitch.tv/thewitchofthewood . Both Brooke and Danielle have performed Steel Magnolias on stage. The sexual politics of this movie. The racial politics of this movie. The remake/does it need to be remade? Apologies for any editing issues in this episode. There were some technical glitches, but hopefully this works.

RHINESTONE!! Roy and Jon join us from Yours, Mine, and Theirs: they reviewed this with Mark last year. Andy loves that episode because Mark flips tables over the Chuck Norris movie Top Dog. Listen to it here! We apologize that Mark is missing, but he shows up 47 minutes in! We also apologize for noisy children in our backgrounds. We won't say whose house this was, but we can all agree it's an impr...