JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

Finally, a normal day in the life of the Stardust Crusaders where nothing happens and nobody gets hurt! ...Well, except for the people trying to kill them, but they're terrible at it and nobody notices, so why count that? We also learn about the variety of mouth skills Jotaro's been developing (ahem) and determine that Polnareff would definitely be an awful conversational companion for a road trip...

This week we finally teach you, gentle listeners, how to watch the anime without missing bonus scenes after the credits. We probably should have done that sooner and somehow, it’s Iggy’s fault that we didn’t. Jotaro reveals his secret talent of being incredibly good with (incredibly shitty) dogs, Avdol demonstrates the true power of accessorizing well, and N'doul really, REALLY loves Dio. And that...

It's New Opening & Closing Credits Day! One of the best holidays of the Joestar season, and an opportunity to ask the only question that matters (in JoJo as in life): How Gay Are They? We meet Iggy, which gives us an excuse to delve into more of Joseph and Avdol's obvious LDR backstory, because talking about Iggy is...the worst. And apparently Jotaro Kujo has lived his entire, blessed life without...

Today's episode begins in an improbably large submarine, which might surprise you, since this show is known for its commitment to accuracy. We dive deep into how submarine telecommunications work because of course we do. The hiring process of the Speedwagon Foundation is finally explored and fact-checked. And what *is* Polnareff exactly that he's able to just walk off getting half eaten? The answe...

In any plausible reality, Polnareff would be dead on this island, eaten alive by zombies. This is why of all the people it's most important to forgive, you have to make sure to start with yourself...because otherwise, BAM. Guilt zombies, every time. We learn that the rest of the Stardust Crusaders are, in fact, horrible manipulators who would be terrible to have as friends irl. (Don't trick your f...

The moral of this episode is: if you ever find something weird on a beach, maybe just leave it alone. We spend an absolutely normal length of time talking about why three chickens have the names they have. Polnareff's hopes and dreams are...kind of adorable, when you think about it (thank god Kakyoin didn't find that lamp. Dude's a freak). Sherry Polnareff's second time around on this earth is Not...

A momentous day for JJBX listeners: the origin point of JoJo Dick Watch AND another Dog Death Minute, all in one episode! We've also condensed both parts of Death 13 into one podcast episode because who wants to talk about this messed up baby any longer than they have to? We finally confirm who Part 6 JoJo, Jolyne's, second parent is (definitely relevant to you all here in Part 3), Polnareff shoul...

At last, we reach The Sun! Truly the most fascinating, beloved episode in all of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Polnareff is the Designated Driving Gay for all these gays who can't drive. Nobody on this podcast wants to ride a camel so don't try to make us. It turns out Araki is some kind of "Camel spit SPF" truther, which doesn't even make a "Top Ten Weirdest Things About Hirohiko Araki" list and is p...

This week we prove that once again, Joseph is being lazy about using hamon, Polnareff is terrible at being from France, and Jotaro is definitely in love with Kakyoin. We also explore Steely Dan's kinks in detail because...that's literally what this episode is about, that's what's happening on screen, it's not our fault. And if anyone has experience doing bookkeeping or accounting for evil vampire...

This episode of Stardust Crusaders has everything you could want in a JoJo's episode unless your name is Elizabeth Simins. Darius finally gets a chance to put his extensive knowledge about Middle Eastern fast food to good use. Courtney finally gets a chance to talk about stepping on Jotaro Kujo. We all finally get a chance to learn another like 700 rules of how stands work. And it's entirely possi...

This episode is NOT the beginning of JoJo Dick Watch. Enyaba shows us how to work a crowd, Jotaro displays his incredible lung capacity yet again, Erina killed Danny, Polnareff clearly has a humilation kink, and hamon is still stupid. And yes yes there's a lot of stuff in this episode about zombies and fog and toilets but we learn something far more important than any of that: Jotaro Kujo liked to...

We get to see just how committed Jotaro is to his ~aesthetic. Polnareff remains focused on one thing and one thing only: locating the nearest clean bathroom. A debate is held on whether or not the Stardust Crusaders are Good Guys or just...stupid. And Enya continues sink in our collective esteem as a mother, due to her grief-fueled decision to open up holes in people using fog and craft scissors....

Topics discussed at length in this deceptively brief episode: how the driving order of the Stardust Crusaders was determined, the perils of road rage, how to successfully ascend and descend a mountain in an automobile, possible alternate careers Joseph Joestar should be pursuing vis a vis street food, and when it's okay to start judging someone (aka Enyaba Discourse). PS, also, if "sumo" wasn't co...

Who's ready for Joseph Joestar to almost die in hilarious ways? (We are. We always, always are.) This week, we learn some very important lessons about skincare, aging, and the miraculous transformation of your own cells into another person who then wants to murder you. Parenting! The absolute worst, especially when your child is actually an enemy stand and it's eating a live chicken. And we discus...

This episode cost a spider its life. We (re)visit the excellence of the mid-90s action movie classic, SPEED. Polnareff finally gets his revenge and grows as a character (no jokes here, we're all very proud of him). Hol Horse is definitely somebody's father, but he's probably not anybody's Daddy. And we continue to define the discourse on J. Geil's entire swimsuit area. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer...

Let's go to the bathroom! This week we learn even more about Polnareff's waking bathroom anxiety nightmare life aka pig sty toilets. Lovable human turd Hol Horse shows up along with his partner in crime (and life?), J Geil. Polnareff shows us all what happens when you try to break up with your affable gang of teen boy world travelers (and Avdol pays the price). And we spend entirely too much time...

It is time to once again appreciate that noblest of creatures: the stag beetle. As previously mentioned on this podcast, one of Kakyoin’s defining traits is an abiding love of cherries (other noted loves: the color green, being dramatic, Jotaro Kujo). It’s the return of the JJBX Dog Death Minute, now with introductory jingle...RIP Pocky, we hardly knew ye. And we finally answer the lingering quest...

This week we meet possibly the most upsetting doll in JoJo history. Somehow we have gone 34 episodes before Courtney mentioned a member of NSync, so this is a landmark moment in JJBX history. Joseph Joestar is physically incapable of not changing clothes every other episode. Even more electronics die in the quest to provide info that moves the plot forward. And please send your "Kakyoin: Traitor o...

We learn probably too much about the sexual lives of apes (and monkeys). Dio continues to monologue and we continue to love it. Polnareff is, in fact, a true representative of the behavior and personality of all French people. We add yet another item to our wishlist of Official Merchandise that Doesn't Exist. And it only took seven episodes, but hooray, we've officially broken the rules of how Sta...

Joseph Joestar wears another very important outfit. Jotaro and Kakyoin do some very important sunbathing. Avdol and Polnareff...are around? I guess? We meet Ann, a potentially cool character who is forced into the tedious bullshit Child Role in a JoJo Arc, so she's sadly stuck doing mostly uninteresting things. And Kakyoin's hairstyle: something that great didn't just happen, it took effort, it wa...

This week two wizards fight in a capitalist theme park and it's not nearly as interesting as it sounds. A flesh bud is gently, tenderly revealed. We learn that the best way to write a fight scene is to tell rather than to show. Araki finally leans on a tired-ass trope to provide character motivation for Polnareff and we are not! Having! It! We all discover how much Darius knows about 90s commercia...

The legal team of the Stardust Crusaders anime has taken great pains to make sure we, the viewers, never get confused and think that the show we are watching is a documentary about music performers and bands. We make a bunch of video game jokes but don't get excited, because it's one of probably two (2) times it will ever happen on this podcast. Kakyoin gets to use his very subtle, not at all dram...

We learn about that time Dio visited Avdol in his boudoir and tried to hook up wi--er, recruit him. Jotaro gently extracts Dio's fleshbud from Kakyoin's body...is there a non-homoerotic reading of this? (No.) Holly gets fridged and nobody here at JJBX Industries is very upset about it. Thanks to Star Platinum being a cop, Joseph's Traveling Band of Wayward Teens finally knows to hit the road to Ca...

Stardust Crusaders continues to throw way too much information at us! A cubist painting of Jotaro Kujo holds secrets untold. Once again two boys fu--err, fight using a woman's body as a proxy. We meet an extremely gross stand. We get our first ever ora ora ora. A hooligan loses an eye. Joseph gets an outfit change and we proceed to extrapolate way too much information from it. And we get to experi...

We finally get to talk about Dio’s successful head transplant, the most important thing to retroactively happen in all of JoJo! How many random items from Sharper Image can Star Platinum steal? Why is Holly simultaneously the worst daughter AND mother? Why is Joseph so incredibly available to drop his entire life and fly to Japan? Why doesn‘t Jotaro own any socks? ...We answer none of these questi...