JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

Did you miss men inside other men? The ol' Pillar Man Shmoo? Well is this the story arc for you. Also discussed: ways to lose money with lesbians, 19th century white American farmers' intense love of Japanese fungus, and what is shonen time and why does it exist in the Milwaukee suburbs. Plus, someone better call Karl Marx because we need to define exchange value and use value before we're all tur...

Take a drink every time one of us says the word "hole" in this podcast episode (D-don't do that. You'll die.) Today we see that with great power comes weird nail-based fighting techniques. Johnny's Stand is possibly turning into a Loony Toons character. We learn that Gyro and Johnny are the hardiest twinks. Courtney cannot understand how the rules of Sugar Mountain work to save his life. And Eliz...

After another long hiatus... we're back! We've got an episode jam packed with facts about the Triple Crown, Gyro Zeppeli's rabbinical energy, and the importance of the golden ratio. Gyro teaches important life lessons to Johnny while they are both hiding in mud with their tongues on fire. We compare the bad parenting of Phantom Blood with the bad parenting of Steel Ball Run. We learn that spin is...

In this episode we cover the first two parts of A Silent Way, one of our favorite Steel Ball Run arcs... and not just because it features Gyro Zeppeli singing about mozarella cheese. We get some of the best ensemble writing and character development yet. Gyro Zepelli convinces a 14 year old girl to commit treason. Diego Brando decides that a good jockey retirement plan is being Mayor of New York C...

After all this time we can confirm whose corpse everyone is trying to assemble: some guy named Jesus Christ, never heard of him. We attempt yet again to explain Blackmore’s stand. Diego Brando is back, still 50% dinosaur and 100% hot. This is a Lucy Steel fan podcast now. We are forced to be our own Speedwagon for this fight because nobody will explain what is happening. And Johnny finally gets a...

Welcome to one of the most iconic covers of JoJos. Eliz explains Pennsylvania farmers markets. Darius explains how to break into a government building using a lunch box (and then we explain the lunch). We explain Blackmore’s outfit. And finally, everyone in the story is in the same place at the same time! -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it, or you've never see...

We’re back and discussing what a real man is. Finally! How does Araki pick his character names other than mix tapes? We explain how Ringo Roadigan’s stand works so even Courtney can understand it. Mountain Tim gains another newsletter subscriber. Gyro Zeppeli grows up. And even though he’s not in this story, we still manage to talk about Hol Horse again. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre...

Gyro takes a moment to try his hand at architecture criticism. We meet a strange man with a skull soul patch who lives in a Zelda forest. We also meet Hot Pants, who will apparently casually lynch anyone who touches their beef and always has shaving cream at the ready. We figure out that Diego Brando is actually devoutly religious (he believes in himself). And we spend far too long trying to figur...

We can be absolutely certain that nobody was alive 2000 years ago, certainly no significant religious figures. Diego Brando's backstory remains full of terrible dad behavior. Johnny's corpse part is a vaccine against dinosaurification, which is a shame because Gyro becoming a dinosaur is extremely hot. If your town is full of rats, those rats turning into dinosaurs is really an upgrade. And we mee...

Johnny Joestar min-maxed his character sheet and put all his knowledge points in "Horse". Araki can still only draw three faces, one of which is Britney Spears (not a criticism!). Diego Brando slowly turns into both a dinosaur and also the worst possible plus-one to a Tinder hook-up. Eliz and Courtney remain unapologetic Dio stans. Johnny's stand looks different now when he uses it and so of cours...

For our longest episode yet, we discuss the entire Tusk arc, and if spinning fingernails were too much for you, well, we are sorry but you're going to have to deal with spinning toenails too. Marvel as Araki strip-mines Catholicism for ~aesthetic~. Say hello and goodbye to one Baron von Stroheim. We spend quality time with the President of the United States of America who is definitely a really go...

This week we un-mourn Mountain Tim. Gyro and Johnny are doing all kinds of interesting things in a barn. We revisit the Mountain Tim Test of Stands for Oyecomeva, who likes to explode things and also had explosives on him when he got his Stand (2/2 Tims). Gyro officially joins the Jojo's Bad Dad Club. And we debate the moral character of a fictional nine-year-old for exactly as long as the matter...

Welcome back to the show! We are back from our unannounced hiatus to grapple a series of difficult questions: Italy -- is it a real country? (Jury remains out on this one.) Johnny asks Gyro the tough questions, such as "why are so many people trying to kill you?" An extended flashback offers the answer to the lingering question "what are those things on Gyro's face?" (but nobody is happy about the...

We hope you like fingernail-related body horror because this manga is pretty much just fingernail-related body horror from here on out. The Boom Booms are, shockingly, not top-tier JoJo's villains. Courtney miraculously manages to parse an Araki action panel. Johnny finally becomes a protagonist, which is good because it's (sadly) not Gyro's Bizarre Adventure. Gyro unlocks Mountain Tim's back stor...

Welcome to our podcast, which will now be exclusively about Kristen Stewart Christmas movies. We meet a nine-year-old who gets thrown in jail, but more about him later. Because this is an Araki story, we have a return of our old pal, toilet anxiety. Johnny and Gyro fight against a family of losers. Everyone is humoring Gyro about his iron balls. And we gather more evidence in the ongoing debate of...

We meet Mrs. Robinson, a genderqueer icon who might be undead but definitely shoots bees from their eyes. We get a lot of callbacks to Battle Tendency, including killing a random person in the desert and doing a weird trick with bottles. Eliz discusses why Steel Ball Run is really a romance novel. Darius provides cactus science facts. We talk about the X-Files for a while. And Mountain Tim proves...

In this issue we learn the dubious JoJo's science of running (hint: it's just a perpetual motion machine). Ogre Street makes a comeback, but this time it's in America and mostly about ginning up excitement around sports betting. We learn some bullshit rules of sailing. We get the backstory of one Steven Steel: soldier, scammer, dreamer, sus. And it is a joy to see Hirohiko Araki retell the origin...

Pocoloco continues his reverse monkey's paw horse racing strategy. Gyro gives his horse a butt massage with his balls. Johnny has eyes for one man and one man only (it's Gyro). Someone gets dragged by a horse but in like, a good way. If you missed Dio counting, well, this is the episode for you. And we learn to tell the difference between the riding of a bumpkin and the riding of a perfect man who...

Teddy bears are easier to cuddle with than scissors, buttcracks don't exist, and 300 million year old ice is basically a Steve Jobs keynote presentation. We talk about some serious stuff including Araki's characterization of Johnny through narration, how time dilation works in sports manga, and ways not to represent middle eastern people especially right after 9/11. Not coincidentally, we meet and...

This week we talk a lot about Johnny Joestar and disability in media. We meet Pocoloco, the luckiest man in the world. Gyro and Johnny have their meet cute, and it involves ball-touching. We learn that shit-talking randos don't last long in the wild west. We learn that American law states that anything is legal as long as a gun is involved. Johnny eats a newspaper in Teen Wolf hell hospital. And w...

Since we have officially run out of animated JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, we have decided to switch to talking about the manga. But not part 6, no, because that is presumably becoming an anime in 2 years or whatever. Instead we are talking about part 7 of JoJo's, Steel Ball Run, the greatest gay cowboy romance ever told. And our favorite arc of JoJo's. Put on your nicest chaps, sit back, and brace yo...

Here we are at the end (or the beginning?) of Vento Aureo, and boy do we have opinions! First and foremost about sculptor Jesus. Eliz describes the gayest sculpture ever made. Mista's stubbornness has... uh, some consequences. We figure out that Polnareff's fate is really the best possible outcome for him. And we learn the most valuable lesson: someone can be the head of an international crime car...

Dio's back, figuratively and figuratively-literally. We finally get some good opening credits. Once again we talk about why Diavolo is not a well written villain. Araki can't stop himself from writing Kishibe Rohan Twilight Zone stories. Speaking of, we meet a young woman whose boyfriend is such a bad artist she throws herself off a building. We discuss Koichi's fate. Also Leaky Eye Luca's fate, f...

If you've watched the opening credits, you probably aren't surprised by what happens in this episode. Everyone is now back in their normal body, including, crucially, Benedict the Living Dog. We talk about the bullshit rules of... soul... bulbs? Diavolo develops character traits as suddenly and conveniently as Giorno develops stand powers. Speaking of Giorno developing stand powers, he is now the...

Today we discuss the bullshit rules of requiem stands. (There are many, many of these.) We discuss whether Silver Chariot Requiem is also a Terminator. We say goodbye to Doppio and it's uhhh kind of sad I guess. Everyone in Rome gets a full scholarship to sentient boil community college. We spend five whole minutes talking about why we think Diavolo is one of the least interesting JoJo's villains....