JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

This is it. The end of Battle Tendency. Basically the end of JoJo as we know it. And it's an exciting time. We encounter the world's most pointless funeral at the world's most dubious cemetery. Our friends become politicians, get cleared of treason, engage in light xenophobia, have their memory wiped, die of gay heart attacks, and just plain old stop thinking. Not in that order. And not the same p...

Let us all gather and live vicariously through Kars as he fulfills the universal human dream of turning your hand into a squirrel. Joseph stays on #brand by first trying to outrun his problems and then trying to crash into them with an airplane. Kars demonstrates the ongoing correlation between evilness and glamorousness in the JoJo universe. Eliz writes another chapter of her StroheimBot fan fict...

Ah, yet another week where we entertain our listeners with sleight-of-hand, the noblest form of radio entertainment. We learn that sometimes a zombie just wants a mid-level management job with good benefits. And when it comes to Jorge Joestar, yes, with a J... we're sorry. There's time to save yourselves. You don't have to listen to this episode. And if you can explain the difference between vampi...

This week we absolutely ruin the idea of Caesar Zepelli's erotic aroma for no reason (well...I mean...it's canon). Wamuu joins the esteemed ranks of Powerful Heads of JoJo. Kars finally ~unleashes~ his hair and all the zombie henchmen swoon. Erina Pendleton's later years are one long stretch of loneliness and small batch beer testing. And Lisa Lisa spends this entire episode just hanging out. On a...

We at JJBX apologize for ruining your ability to read and say "lmao" forever. The real lesson from this chariot race is to never play any sort of game with Araki. For the second time in as many seasons, someone hides inside of a horse as a strategic move (and it works?). And the gang realizes what Santana's ultimate fate actually was, leading to a head canon cottage industry that's absolutely absu...

Good morning, it's time for Problematic Gay Discourse! Delicious! Thank goodness the Pillar Men never get bored and just start putting the stone mask on other random animals, since it makes horses terrifying (what would it do to moose?). Joseph Joestar cannot stay off his bullshit, and his bullshit is always sleight of hand string tricks. If nothing else convinces you to not be a peeping tom, let...

We finally answer the question, "What does a Zeppeli patriarch eat before abandoning his family?" A pattern begins to form of what Araki thinks "bad teens" look like and, spoiler, they're hot and they dress well (unlike...everyone else in JoJo). Caesar was obviously a Pirate Club intern for Ruth Bader Ginsberg Prime in his youth. HOBviously. Caesar vs. Wamuu: Dad Vengance Showdown...which ends ver...

This is yet another episode where we have to talk about Nazis, forcing us to vote into law further canon corrections so please update your head canons accordingly. Going to to dinner with Kars is probably insufferable. Joseph and Caesar are in love to a degree that everyone else around them is getting a little tired of it, like either stop making out or make out already, jeez. And we finally see t...

Esidisi lives on as a brain backpack and nobody here is sad about it. Lisa Lisa takes a bath and it almost murders her. We here at JJBX continue to teach the controversy about Danny's true killer. In a series devoted to homoerotic battles, this episode's battle is...Quite Something, ahem. And Joseph would do very poorly in the modern gig economy, based on how he handles the one very basic errand t...

Who designed the work spaces of the Pillar Men? How many abdominal muscles do you even NEED, Joeseph Joestar, Jesus E O Christ, give some of those away to the abdominal-less. Esidisi has had some extremely good therapy and processes trauma like a champ. It turns out there are levels of homoeroticism on this show that Eliz had not noticed somehow, so Courtney and Darius get to point those out to he...

We survived AnimeFest 2017 and all we got were these lousy mountains of merch and fanart. Congrats to everyone who won our first official contest, but the real winners are the people who actually leave us iTunes reviews (...although nobody can tell us why those are important). If you live near a Confederate monument, we respectfully propose taking it down and replacing it with a statue of Dio, as...

The Pillar Men just want to go on vacation but a fire ant infestation throws a wrench in their plans. Waamu whips his hair back and forth. JoJo gets married to like, six ultimate beings while something resembling a story gets underway. And we learn that JoJo's is Looney Tunes with naked hunks! Seriously, the Pillar Men are really very funny as long as you consider complete disinterest in human lif...

Through an act of incredible mental fortitude, this episode description is not just, "CAESAR!!!" over and over again. Caesar Zeppeli finally shows up and the only person who isn't happy about it is Joseph. (...but what Hogwarts house is he?!) We permanently fix the entire plot of Battle Tendency by getting rid of the Nazis. There's no joke here, we actually did that, go Team JJBX. And the Pillar M...

It took this podcast a surprisingly long time to discuss vore, tbh. Every time Joseph boops Santana's nose, he's actually saying, "I love you." Every time Eliz says, "Like [___], but gay and hot" she's actually saying, "I love you." None of us has a future career in sleight of hand mastery. Darius makes the mistake of asking Courtney to define a term from film academia and you all suffer the conse...

Araki gins up an excuse to draw JoJo in chaps for no particular reason. JoJo then dresses in full drag but it's in character, and he is beautiful, and how dare you imply otherwise. How. Dare. You. There are more Nazis but at least some of them die extremely painfully. Maybe German hair and beauty products are *not* the best in the world, Stroheim, have you ever considered that? And please send wha...

JoJo has totally touched a boob before and it felt like a wet bag of sand. Straizo would probably be into those over-priced handdyed scarves they sell at museum gift shops, let's be real. If you ever want to upset Eliz, try to argue that Joseph is a Gryffindor. Does Le Parfait make eye beam-repelling shot glasses or are they Duralex? And the gang has to start talking about literal Nazis in the plo...

I hope you like hearing about how beautiful Joseph Joestar is, listener, because this episode offers you copious minutes of that content. The politics of season 2 brought to you by Black Lives Matter and Coca Cola. This JoJo becomes a man the way every youth does; in a fiery conflagration of failing flight machinery. We celebrate the defeat of the most racist man in New York City. And guns might n...

We finish Phantom Blood by recognizing the real hero of this show: Dio. It's entirely plausible that Erina Pendleton murdered Danny and Dio took the fall for it, hero that he is. Dio's head heroically tries to unite with the only valuable part of Jonathan...his body. And we finally say our final goodbye to Jonathan Joestar as he shuffles off this mortal coil with his far more interesting frenemy,...

Darius observes another official JoJo Dog Death, sort of. Dio has terrible hobbies but fabulous decorating sense. Hamon gives you many powers, including rose throwing when you're just a decapitated head. Jonathan and Dio get into their horniest fight yet, which at this point is really saying something. Dio touches parts of Jonathan that nobody should touch on anybody, ever. Ever! And we settle on...

This episode is NOT the beginning of JoJo Dick Watch. The tailoring business that sublets inside the Ogre Street Pirate Club gets a shout-out. Tarukus cannot kill *anything* in one hit what is that guy's problem? Part of being a deviously sexy evil vampire lord is doing legitimately devious, evil things sometimes even if it means a baby dies. Jonathan breaks out his Grief Crop Top. And live fast,...

Courtney, Eliz, and Darius expound on the charms of the Dark Knight Bluford. The phrase "plant dick hair" is uttered, parsed, and somehow moved past. Jonathan Joestar's inherent pluckiness: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I don't always walk to my predestined death, but when I do, it's the most interesting walk in the world. And Poco redeems himself, mostly by being born after his much better sister. -- JoJo’s Bizarr...

This episode is sponsored by the Wind Knights Lot Tourism Board. Speedwagon's abdomen gets some action and then...some *action*. The Joestar team finally gets the annoying kid sidekick nobody was wanting. We learn the real way Elizabeth I ascended the throne (spoiler: by being evil). And the gang marvels at the depth and rigor of Araki's research methods when studying, say, Elizabethan England. --...

For once this show cares about historical accuracy in its villains (for some values of historical accuracy). Erina Pendelton has a personality (for some values of personality). I don't always eat a sandwich, but when I do, it's the most interesting sandwich in the world. "Hamon" is JoJo for "plot device". And if someone out there knows how the nobility of late 1800s Italy works, please write to us...

In another world this is 20 minutes of Courtney talking about Dio's moles, but Darius and Eliz crush that dream. Jonathan and Dio fight, and fight, and fight and fight and fight. Anime Jonathan:Manga Jonathan::Goofus:Gallant. Dio finally, FINALLY gets hot. And the gang discuss the gays and the gaze and the Gay Male Gaze. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it, or...

Eliz, Courtney, and Darius explore the narrative significance of Robert E.O. Speedwagon. Yet another dog dies. JoJo vampires have special rules because of course they do. We say the word "hands" more than anyone probably should. And if someone out there knows how the criminal economy of late 1800s London works, please write to us at JJBX, The Pirate Club, Ogre Street, London, England. -- JoJo’s Bi...