JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

Good morning and welcome to our podcast, which has pivoted to be 100% about magic archery now. I know we were all thinking, “this show is really missing a sense of the ridiculous” but fortunately Araki finally added a silly explanation for a thing. (For real though: the bow & arrow are Good.) We meet Okuyasu, the most wonderful boy in the world. Josuke’s character design was a painfully accurate r...

Only two episodes into the season and we already have a dog death, which means we get another Dog Death Minute! Josuke’s family is cool and nice and definitely not going to be thrown into tragedy just to motivate the protagonist. Good thing they fight and defeat the worst man in all of Japan right out of the gate, I’m sure there won’t be any more difficult fights the rest of the season. And yet ag...

We did it, we finally made it to the beginning of Part 4! And what a beginning it is: Jotaro is an adult with an actual backstory now, the show's main character is a Totally Normal Shonen Protagonist, and the primary JoJo is a tender delinquent with an affinity for nipple zippers. Also, it turns out Joseph Joestar has canonically had sex with *multiple* women in his life, which is maybe the most o...

This week we talk about the recent live action film adaptation of Diamond Is Unbreakable. To the shock of no one, we all disagree on whether this is any good (but I, Courtney, officially say it isn’t because I write the descriptions so I have all the power here). There are wigs and mid-tier cosplay costumes aplenty, but a surprisingly awesome use of visual effects means that at least the stands ef...

In this episode we watch the Stardust Crusaders OVA so you don't have to. Well, you should watch it if you want Dio and Vanilla Ice to talk like nerds, and if you want Jotaro to be ugly, and if you want Polnareff and Forever the orangutan to have a series of Beauty & the Beast style dinners together. Okay everyone wants that last one so maybe you SHOULD watch it? Probably best to just listen to us...

As befitting the final episode of Stardust Crusaders, we dive into a lot of callbacks: what is a soul pizza? What are the mechanics of vampirism in the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure universe? How does hamon even work? And most importantly: given what we know, what can we deduce about Avdol's pet chickens? Dio gets amazing lipstick, the gang encounters the actual Speed Wagon, and we learn that power ove...

We spend exactly as much time discussing the opening credits as they deserve (which is to say: a lot). Whatever happened to Space Ripper Stingy Eyes, did Dio forget how to shoot laser beams from his eyes at some point? Is Dio Science different from JoJo Science, which is different from Actual Science? Where did Jotaro find those fifty magazines, and are they all Marine Life magazine? (Yes.) How do...

I hope you're not here for an explanation of how Kakyoin's last stand power works, dear listener, because we've got nothing. We're forced to remember Erina Pendleton for literally one second. We finally find out Dio's stand power and really...it's about time. Dio has a good backup as a pool shark if this whole taking over the world thing doesn't work out for him. And we get to dedicate nearly the...

Today we're here to discuss all the ways in which Dio is a tank top tiger. Despite seeing Dio's stand in action, we still don't know how it works. Why is the gang is tooling around with a vampire-protective bag, and why use it on Nukesaku of all dumbasses? We continue to be the only people feeling the correct emotions about Iggy and his death. Dio is the best character of all time due to his abili...

Polnareff must have a secret pocket full of extra earrings in that dirty bag of his. Vanilla Ice is cosplaying the lewdest gymnast of all time. Iggy finally dies, which means we can stop talking about him forever and condemn him to obscurity. Dio continues to be a bad example for how to run a relationship. We have to remember that Susie Q exists, which is almost as difficult for us to do as it is...

This episode continues our track record of loving Vanilla Ice, but even we have to admit that dude is out of line and terrifying. There continues to be no better description of how Vanilla Ice interacts with his Stand than, "Stand kigurumi". We are forced to discuss Iggy's tail erection. How does Iggy know what Dio sounds like? Is someone in the group amazing at doing voice impressions and we've j...

Vanilla Ice... How do I begin to explain Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice is flawless. I hear his hair's insured for $10,000. I hear he does car commercials...in Japan. His favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time he met John Stamos on a plane...and he told him he was pretty. One time he punched me in the face...it was awesome. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it, or...

We spend a lot of this episode reciting ridiculous names of things, but it’s not our fault because David Productions put them there first. Jotaro continues to have an extremely high opinion of his own learning curve. Joseph is apparently doing some kind of muscle density workout whenever we’re not looking. An appropriate amount of time is spent discussing, once again, What Is The Deal with Hermit...

This week we learn about what kind of domestic employer Dio is (spoiler: the thirsty kind). If you didn't know what roses mean in anime, well, now you do. Two-thirds of this podcast is firmly anti-doll. One-third of this podcast is firmly anti-gamer, no matter how old you are. We petition the universe to replace Vento Aureo's villain with D'Arby the Younger, because he rules. And it's official, Di...

We’re here to chew gum and learn about how bird lungs work, and buddy, we’re all outta gum. For two golden minutes, it seemed like Iggy was going to die, but tragically we are forced to still endure his existence. Kakyoin is back and he apparently just happened to be hanging out with the Speedwagon Foundation’s veterinarian, how convenient for any injured man-faced dogs in the area. And at last! D...

This show accidentally turned into a My Hero Academia podcast at some point and we apologize in advance for all the non-JoJo discourse you’re about to listen to. (...We’re not THAT sorry.) We explain how both wealthy people and houselessness work, because the plot requires it. For some reason, burning chickens are discussed multiple times? Courtney descends into a life of crime WAY too eagerly tbh...

Dio is definitely part dragon and all scary. Hol Horse has borderline Dunning-Kruger levels of overconfidence. Polnareff has zero self-preservation skills. Boingo has a little wooden box. We all learn an important lesson about synchronizing your watch with the local clock tower when you travel. And Iggy continues to be the worst creature to ever walk the earth. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's B...

For the truly dedicated, today we present a very special episode -- the Vento Aureo (Jojo's Part 5) anime was just announced for October 2018 and boy are we excited about it!!! The first half is a spoiler-free general discussion of Part 5 and why we like it, and then the second half is a spoiler-filled "omg what if they animate this and this and that and how are they going to show that thing" etc...

Who is ready to learn the rules of poker? WE ARE. The gang discusses/describes in loving detail Araki's first manga, 'Poker Under Arms'. Avdol does his very best Robert E. O. Speedwagon impression. The logistics and employment decisions of D'Arby the Elder are puzzled through at length, because it's 2018 and we're just impressed by anyone who's hiring people. We're forced to contemplate the JJBA a...

Today we learn about one of Darius' childhood alter egos: Facts Murphy. (We stan.) The people who make JJBA merchandise are leaving *so much money on the table*, they should really hire us to just write "Not another phone strap??" every week to keep them in line. We have to think about how souls work, which is extremely dark and depressing because in the JoJo's universe the overall afterlife vibe...

This is probably the most times we will ever say the word "fetus" in a single episode, and we're already sorry about it. Alessi is a weirdly good villain for such an upsettingly bad arc, and he's not even the worst part of the plot (and that is SAYING SOMETHING). Heteronormativity is truly incomprehensible to everyone on this podcast. And we manage to fact check both this arc and the previous one...

In this episode we pause to celebrate the enduring career of national treasure Mariah Carey. Everyone on this podcast knows how magnets work. Joseph Joestar doesn't ALWAYS have waking gay panic nightmares, but when he DOES...they're absolutely ridiculous. Everyone misses Kakyoin, especially the fact that he has that sweet sweet long distance attack. And please send all fanart demanded on this podc...

Welcome to underwear and sleepwear hour on JJBX, starring Joseph Joestar and Noriyaki Kakyoin. Iggy gets certified as a bathroom anxiety emotional support animal. We establish that sand is NOT sterile and you probably shouldn't wipe your butt with it. (How...would that even work? Mods???) Joseph can't keep his hands away from electrical outlets because he's secretly a toddler. And say hello to Mar...

We finally establish what Dio Brando does in his down time when he's not fleshbudding people or staring at himself in mirrors, and it's...exactly what every other old rich person does. RIP Anubis, our favorite cursed sword in the series so far (*the only cursed sword in the series so far). Please don't use this podcast to write your undergrad queer theory papers, or at least cite us properly and s...

The legend of King Arthur would probably be improved by the addition of a katana and a killing spree, just throwing that out there. If being cursed to commit murder forever is the trade-off for finding a decent life coach, well...fair. Polnareff goes cruising and shoots his load all over the other guy's neck (I mean! Fighting! They do a fight!). We see the gleaming ignition of Jotaro's burning lif...