JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

Rohan pulls a Jack the Ripper. Ghosts can fly but they mostly choose not to. Hopefully Rohan's Pretty Woman (1990) replica furniture is insured. Speed (1994) is a good movie. Some guy named Kobayashi shows up and we struggle to remember who he is. Rohan's possibly horniest outfit makes its debut. And we meet a pillar man zombie thrall whose power is: being a normal mom. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer...

This week we use empirical evidence to determine that Araki was an X-Files fan. We wonder what the hell Jotaro is drinking on the beach. We discuss effective ways to teach number theory. We gush over the best ever JoJo's opening credits. And we once and for all settle the question of whether Mikitaka is a stand user or an alien. Spolier: the answer involves yeast. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo'...

This podcast is now a janken sports anime podcast. This week we sound the Rohan midriff alarm. We spend five minutes talking about our Rohan/Jotaro detective AU. We experience all the beats of a JoJo's romance but... not. We determine that Rohan's only weakness is his fashion sense. And we make arbitrary decisions about the rules of ghost-ouija interactions. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Biza...

This podcast is now a biotin infomercial. Kira's actual Stand power is being a nail art technician's dream customer. Aside from the fact that she's alive and not just a hand, Shinobu might be Kira's ideal wife. Araki finally returns to one of his first loves: spirit photography. Kira's dad has a surprisingly delightful afterlife. If your pyramid scheme doesn't involve a supernatural arrow: get out...

This week's episode is extremely good, which is why almost a third of our podcast episode is entirely off-topic. (Assuming bathroom behavior is *ever* off-topic for JoJo, which...well.) If you weren't washing your dick after you use the bathroom already, dear listener, please start. Kira fights some random criminals, and then a teen, and then arguably the most powerful man in the entire JoJo's uni...

Today we're here to learn how to solve crime from crime-solving expert Jotaro Kujo. We meet Sheer Heart Attack, the first lil' bomber of the JoJo's universe. Jotaro has negative amounts of respect for Koichi, which given Jotaro's adolescence and history with other Stand users, is...fair. Turning a fatal bomb into a Sharper Image toy is actually pretty bad ass. And Koichi finally finishes going thr...

Kira would probably be upsettingly good at Tinder. Jotaro would probably be successful as a Homeland Security agent. Shigechi probably won’t be good at much of anything anymore, RIP. The show remembers all the characters it’s shown you so far, so hope you do too. Jotaro puts on yet another amazing outfit as a gift to Courtney. The Jotaro/Koichi ship is now called “Big dog/Small dog”, that’s it, it...

Yoshikage Kira is finally here! Let's give him a hand! We learn about the dating requirements of Morioh's Most Eligible Serial Killer. A dog actually survives an encounter with a bad guy. Shigechi loves St. Gentlemans sandwiches so much he'll die for them. Eliz teaches us about the history of DiU manga translations. Darius teaches us more than we maybe wanted to know about regional coffee drinks o...

If you ever wondered to yourself, “how would Araki depict a lesbian?” wonder no longer, because today’s episode answers that question thoroughly (and breathily). We yet again have to concede that Koichi/Rohan is a ship with plenty of evidence behind it. Courtney definitely can not pronounce “Mucha” correctly. A great deal of time is spent questioning whether Koichi and Yukako are *really* together...

Today we establish that this is an unapologetically anti-wealthy teen podcast. We meet a bank employee who doesn’t have a Stand but *does* have an extremely fine-tuned bullshit detector. Josuke has never had a pen run out of ink, thanks to Crazy Diamond (I guess? This is a pathetic bonus power). Okuyasu just full on haymakers a child in the face but it’s fine because that kid has arguably the best...

When you think about it, it’s pretty remarkable that there’s anyone left in Morioh who *hasn’t* been murdered by one of the many, many serial killers active in the town. Koichi continues to be a disappointment as a Stand user, this time getting shown up by a middle school kid. If I *had* to have a Stand, I could do a lot worse than Harvest. Okuyasu and Josuke bond over scamming children, which is...

We meet a g-g-g-g-ghost, who also happens to be a g-g-g-g-girl. We spend a lot of time explaining the sociolinguistic history of ship names which leads to the expanding brain meme for Rohan ships. Koichi is turned into a kite, and ghosts LOVE his hair. We briefly reference Greek mythology before moving onto more important things like David Bowie. We finally meet the hand guy from episode one. And...

It’s “new outfit for Jotaro” day! New Outfit for Jotaro Day is one of the best days of any year. We get to talk about pure heterosexual love, and also how easily Josuke is distracted by balls. Jotaro has very poor phone manners, an extremely high pain threshold, and a heretofore unknown passion for Rat Science. Common vermin: yet another living thing that has more strength of character than Koichi...

This week we have a lot to say about Rohan, mostly because Araki is physically incapable of creating side projects about any other character (only a slight exaggeration). We have a new opening credits animation to dissect at length. Josuke and his friends are the kind of committed delinquents who will never set foot in a classroom again. Half the characters are suffering through some kind of disso...

Are you horny for manga? Then do we have a character for YOU. This week we meet Araki's self-insert fanfic character, and he's perfect. Rohan's stand...h-how does it work? Is there someone we *won't* ship Rohan with? (Spoiler: yes, and it's Josuke.) Is there an animal that Rohan *wouldn't* torture? (Spoiler: ...probably not.) Koichi canonically weighs as much as Darius as a kindergartner. Heaven's...

Welcome to what is debatably our most anti-baby episode of this show. Araki cannot move off the "bad dad" story line, and thus we are forced to once again discuss the shortcomings of Joestar fathers. Keicho obviously shot a baby with the Arrow, making this 6-month-old yet another character who has more willpower than Koichi. Joseph Joestar hasn't improved his ability to apply makeup at all in the...

We determine that true villain of this episode is heterosexual guitar culture, Joseph Joestar makes leopard print look great, and redistribution of wealth would make an excellent stand power. We remain baffled by the bullshit rules of Red Hot Chili Pepper. A sullen wall of flesh contemplates his inherited destiny. And we discuss the appropriate etiquette for a JoJo gender reveal party. -- JoJo’s B...

Hello, who here is ready to talk about the average speed of a single electron? Great, because that’s what we’ve got for you when forced to discuss Red Hot Chili Pepper, maybe the most basic bitch stand in part 4. Josuke‘s mom should absolutely win Mother of the Year. We also (almost) determine the provenance of Okuyasu’s motorcycle that he definitely has had this whole time and is just choosing no...

Let's go eat some Italian food! This story is our favored entry point into the series for newbies because it has everything you could want: cute boys, sinister ducks, facts that are definitely not true, and a dog death (?). Okyuasu loves Kilimanjaro glacier water like Courtney loves Polar Seltzer. We learn some pasta facts that seem probably true, like you eat it with a fork. We workshop our idea...

This episode is a JoJo's otome game starring Koichi Hirose as our dead-eyed protagonist and Yukako Yamagishi as his shitbag boyfriend. Koichi's stand becomes actually useful but in return he gets a bad Stroheim haircut. Yukako's true power is self-delusion. We add Cape Boingy Boing to the Morioh Registry of Historic Sites. Josuke and Okuyasu help insofar as they bring a taxi so everyone can go hom...

Araki slowly but surely improves at writing women, in this instance by introducing us to a very good girl who does nothing wrong. You know, just some light kidnapping, force feeding, and nonconsensual shibari. Josuke and Okuyasu spend way more time with Koichi than Koichi spends with them and it's adorable. The show finally admits that all stand users are married to each other. And we encounter ye...

Welcome to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, a show about manifesting your personal will as a physical being and then trying to bang it out with them. Araki should switch gears and become a dj, that’s where the real career longevity is. The villain this week is a creepy teen boy and shockingly, none of us are into him. Jotaro Kujo remains unkillable to a degree that he breaks the plot. And we lay out the...

We have several questions this week: To quote every villain for the rest of the season who sees it, What The Hell Is Koichi’s Stand? What sort of demented craft project produces a fake cat in a bag that meows, moves, and bleeds? Why do so many stands in Morioh look like horrifying lizard birds (and yet not just straight up like featherless dinosaurs)? Would being friends with Araki utterly destroy...

Do you like rules? Do you like flesh buds? Well we are happy to announce there are a bunch of new rules about flesh buds. The Dio Organization exists and is canon, which proves the Pirate Club is real too. Japan's 1980s bubble economy impacted the criminal vampire underworld just as much as it did the debt ratio of asset-backed businesses. Okuyasu won't kill his dad for some reason, which is maybe...

In this episode we finally confirm that stands are literally just puberty. We learn about even more bullshit things that stands can do. Okuyasu continues to be the best boy and Speedwagon Foundation scientists agree that he is 50% duckling. Koichi ovulates and Josuke kicks it across the room. As a podcast we do not actually think any of Josuke's Crazy Diamond strategies hold water, except for the...