JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

This episode's fight is boring so we mostly avoid talking about it. Fortunately, Araki doesn't know what a centimeter is so we have plenty to talk about there. We get some great anime-only content, and Courtney gets point out yet another place where Araki was like "yes, The Godfather, but make it JoJo." We learn about the fate of Gelato and Sorbetto, a couple that David Production decided to canon...

We're stuck re-recording these Narancia episodes because we scorned a witch in a past life, so we make up for it by talking about Heathers (1988). Most of this episode takes place in a bathroom. We learn a thing or two about gender, Araki-style. Trish is the best and we love her. And as far as overarching themes in JoJo's go, second only to "bad dads" is "illegitimate children". -- JoJo’s Bizarre...

This podcast is now about The Bridges of Madison County (1995). Mista's back story is that he dresses like he's on Dawson's Creek and his dad is the only straight cowboy in the JoJo's universe. There is innuendo in this arc and it's there on purpose dammit. We cast the boys as Sailor Moon characters. Arts and Crafts would be a really useful stand power to have. And "truck driver" beats out "mafia...

This week we dissect every blissful moment of The Torture Dance sequence, god bless us every one. Darius gets to nerd out about music some more. Almost everyone in the Italian mafia is in a gay couple. Mista maaaaaybe has DID? (If ONLY he was the only character this season we could say that about.) Courtney’s years of therapy finally pay off by allowing him to talk at length about Sex Pistols’ int...

We determine that Araki loves pipes, Soft Machine is Silver Chariot that turns you into a condom, and the whole boat thing is really stupid. We discuss whether it is valid to ship Bruno and Abbacchio with anyone else (spoilers: not really, no). And as a podcast we are split over the age old question: Abbacchio... or ACAB-io? -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either you love it,...

Hope nobody here loves the number four because it’s canonically the worst number. We meet the gang and immediately play favorites with them because that’s what we do here. Abbacchio’s parenting methods are beyond reproach. Giorno must spend hours ruminating on what to do if someone pees in his mouth #relatable. Mista is a master class in conflict avoidance. Fugo and Narancia...are there as well? A...

Who here loves a nice fresh murder-banana? (Not Polpo.) Giorno gets pierced by the Arrow and absolutely nothing happens, which is objectively wrong, but also wtf would Giorno do with even more superpowers except forget he has them? Koichi tries to perpetuate the lie that he survived getting Arrowed. We are forced to think about people who murder trees, arguably a worse behavior than selling drugs...

We meet Polpo, a man who is the living embodiment of the fact that Hirohiko Araki saw The Silence of the Lambs multiple times. Giorno gets a confused pat-down from security officers before attending the worst job interview in history. We determine that hotness is recessive, and that Giorno fears confrontation. And as always, we have many, many questions about how the damn arrow works. -- JoJo’s Bi...

We have opening credits this week, and we remain a podcast divided on whether they are good or the absolute worst. History remembers Dio Brando as a champion back-haver. We spend some more time with Giorno, the Trauma-Informed JoJo. Bruno's sartorial choices are analyzed at length because...that's what we do here. And, incredibly, this is the second time in the series that a human being hides insi...

Welcome to part 5 of JoJo, where the wind is always golden and the twinks are (mostly) underage. Now that we‘ve all been thoroughly spoiled by DiU, it's back to the salt mines of uneven episodes and story pacing, because David Production clearly ran into some issues during this season. We are in Italy now, home of the tomato, Tonio Trussardi, and a vast criminal network that apparently only recrui...

This week is outtakes from the last 2+ years of recording this podcast, which means that it's also an audio time-lapse of Courtney's voice going through puberty (whoo!). It's finally revealed just how easily distracted we all are by literally every topic that is NOT JoJo's. Incredibly, we threw away so much more material about Nazis than made it into the podcast. Not even these bloopers represent...

Rohan bankrupts himself in the most classic way possible: by buying mountains for no real reason. Koichi is discussed far more in this episode than he appears in the entirety of the TSKR series. We learn all about the refined manners of well-born Japanese people (and also how to properly eat corn). Everyone is permanently scarred by what is hands-down the creepiest kid to appear in a JoJo's-relate...

This episode covers most of Thus Spoke Kishibe Rohan, a series of manga stories written by Araki that can be summed up as "Rohan Cruises the Twilight Zone". So, spoilers abound in this episode for these issues. This week: a homeless grudge ghost lives in a girl's tongue. Rohan and Tonio team up to fight evil vaginas with the power of tentacles. We learn that all stands are made by Gucci. We meet a...

This week we are digging into some of the bonus materials related to part four. Why? Because it’s super interesting...and also because we won’t start recording season 5 until the anime is done airing. Ahem. Kira is trapped in his personal hell, or at least someone who calls himself Kira. Araki probably throws out more decent ideas that most people ever manage to have. If you’re in the JoJo’s unive...

RIP Kira, he deserved be—no, actually, he deserved exactly what he got. Once again, the throbbing sexuality of the Mona Lisa drives an erstwhile-innocent youth into a life of lustful crime. Jotaro is bad at giving positive communication to his romantic partners. (...look, the Jotaro/Koichi ship basically built itself.) A dog in JoJo’s finally sees some goddamn justice. Josuke takes after his fathe...

We argue at length about the compatibility of Japanese cell phones with ghost polaroids. Kira calls in late to work because his kid needs murdering. Okuyasu meets his dead brother who has apparently learned to be a good person since dying. We discuss bad dads at length, as we do. And Josuke pulls off the deadliest prank call in history. -- JoJo’s Bizarre Explainer JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! Either...

It’s a time loop! Who doesn’t love a time loop? (...probably Hayato.) Killer Queen evolves yet another power because why not? Rohan, Jotaro, and Koichi have a perfectly nice date together. Josuke temporarily develops hamon powers, because why not. Okuyasu...dies? Sure, we’ll go with that. The fact that people can’t see Stands if they don’t have one continues to bear comedy fruit. And Hayato contin...

The greatest opening credit sequence in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure gets a villain remix and we drool all over our mics. We learn what Araki's dying wishes would be. Kira's privilege is really showing. Hayato is now a fate-wrangling badass. Bites the Dust is basically just a cat when you turn on the light in a room. David Productions fixes some serious pacing issues from the manga. You thought we exp...

This week we explore the contrasts between death and eating a rat, and spoiler: we are a podcast divided on which is worse. Courtney is the only one who properly appreciates French cuisine. We fully explain how Bites The Dust works, because that's what we do. Kira stress-bites his nails just like noted actor and nailbiter Elijah Wood. The arrow has an agenda of its own and we can't get into it bec...

A bunch of dogs appear and do not die. Rohan does a sexy crab walk. Elizabeth expounds on the meaning of 親友. Kira is never more relatable than when he explodes someone for taking up space on the bus. We finally get to see Kira turn someone into a hand. We explain stands that kill their user. And it's time for all of our regular listeners to update their JoJo Dick Watch diary. -- JoJo’s Bizarre E...

We answer some pressing questions from listeners, which results in some possibly unfortunate canon about Yukako’s body hair. Stunningly, we don’t make a single “gun beats paper” joke while discussing Enigma Boy. Araki is getting increasingly enthusiastic about drawing pouty lips and we aren’t mad about it. This episode, of all the episodes, might be the most nonsensical regarding stand powers, whi...

Rohan attempts to seduce his extremely anxious architect. Enigma Boy has the best stand if you fly economy. New Year's is important in Japan but it seem extra important in Morioh on this particular day in July. Morioh's tourism board thinks an introvert in a tower is a family-friendly destination. Josuke can rearrange atoms so why not just generate nuclear fusion power? And the people at HGTV need...

Circumstances beyond our control dictate that we are, once again, talking about how to go to the bathroom. This episode teaches us the difference between introversion and extroversion. Rohan gets another outfit which is, as always, the high point of the episode. It took four seasons, but we finally have an explanation for why Ogre Street was so damn dangerous. And it turns out that covering up mul...

The episode features the strange anomaly of a *cat* death...but it's okay because it grows into the best houseplant anyone could ever ask for. We all learn how photosynthesis works (for cats who have reincarnated into plants). Kira's personal branding and cross-promotional merchanise is extremely good. It turns out Eliz has another highly specific body anxiety that is depicted in this episode. Jos...

We have even more bathroom discourse this week, thanks Araki. Josuke rides his motorcyle into Morioh's shitty hospital for shitty people, where the most expensive medicine is kept on the highest shelves. Enya was clearly the host of the long-running 80s show Asian Evil Laugh Idol. Yuya's gay face betrays his sukeban harem. And Rohan hates Josuke as much as Josuke loves a fresh pair of underwear on...