JoJo's Bizarre Explainer

We're back from our, uh, second pandemic hiatus! And the entire gang is still body-swapped. We learn about peak dog performance and speculate more on Dio's laboratory in Wind Knights Lot. We learn that watching JoJo's is not a substitute for an education. We see Fugo, briefly, and are ambivalent. Courtney stans all himbos. Our tolerance for muder has increased dramatically since season 3. And we f...

This episode is a welcome wacky hijinks break from what has been some really intense action. We finally get to the villain OP and, well, it's no Diamond is Unbreakable but that could be the name of our entire podcast. We once again question the sartorial choices of the Italian mafia. We learn that turtles have the physiological ability to speak human language but either lack the intelligence or th...

We finally get to talk about the boss' character design. To say we do not like it would be an understatement. Mista invents the concept of Instagram influencers. The boss apparently decided to do an archaeology internship at some point? And discovered a box of discarded arrow heads, like you do? We get to learn what the Stardust Crusaders boys were up to in the 1990s (okay, three of them? not much...

Gosh, don't you love the escapism of JoJo's? It's a good thing a city in chaos due to a deadly pathogen has nothing to do with the real world in March 2020. We discuss the line between life and death. Gold Experience somehow develops even more powers. We complain about the light novels because hey, why not. Secco might say that Cioccolata is a weak asshole but we all know he's just in denial. We c...

We are blessed with another episode of Cioccolata and Secco and we discuss what it means when one character says "I love you" to another character (it means they love them, just fyi). We gaze in awe at Secco's pockets. Giorno and Mista manage to somehow be even gayer this episode. Courtney has a BONE to pick when it comes to prehensile spines. We discuss the line between life and death. And we try...

Welcome to the Good Boy Apology Hour! This week we cover maybe the purest villain couple of the season. Darius is forced to explain the most horrifying local landmark of Worcester, Massachussetts. Courtney makes the mistake of asking a question on this podcast, which Darius and Eliz insist on answering, and we're going to have to live with ourselves. We explain what's going on with the paintings i...

Congratulations, aliens are real and JJBA is now science fiction. We finally have a name for The Boss, so we can stop almost-spoiling you all every week that we record. This is the week we finally all get to learn about rare commemorative stamps from Greenland in the late 1970s. We are collectively very salty about how much better cell phones are in Japan than the US. Kids, beware any strangers on...

In this episode we get very sad about Abbacchio, and so does the gang. Since we've already established that the afterlife involves you taking a semi-ironic job in relation to your mortal life, we use science to figure out Abbacchio's semi-ironic job. Once again, the mechanics of vampirism rear their head in the JoJo's universe in unexpected ways. We blatantly spoil the most famous plot detail from...

Welcome to the episode where we actually have a canonical reason to talk about the US district court case Metallica et al v Napster Inc. Why does King Crimson have a tiny detachable face, and why is said face's name localized differently? (Spoiler: we never answer this.) Since when do iron filings allow you to perfectly blend in with your surroundings? (Spoiler: we never answer this either.) We DO...

We finally manage to connect part 5 to Ogre Street, the Pirate Club, the Speedwagon Foundation, and Santana beer, and all it takes is a little ghost sex. We are confused about a lot of things about Doppio but somehow we manage to make it work. Darius goes on a riff about the Ishmaelite sect of Islam and it is somhow relevant to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. We meet the hottest clown in the world. And...

Trish’s Persona awakens, which of course means we get to talk about the Persona series of JRPGs and its connection to JoJo’s. We learn that when you finally develop agency, one of the first things that anyone does is turn a large vehicle into a condom. Eliz has so many stories about the Spice Girls and in this episode we bless you with all of them. And finally, we ask the only possible hard-hittin...

Abbacchio can fly a plane because he's seen a movie where someone flies a plane. Notorious B.I.G. is the stand that has by far the most in common with its musical namesake. Is it the most powerful stand in the JoJo's universe? Well, no, but it's a contender. Bruno manages to be both naive and romantic, which is either wildly out of character or wildly in character. We learn that Gold Experience is...

We talk about how to enjoy media made by people who suck and you can be absolutely sure that this is yet another one of our Harry Potter references. This episode contains far too much tongue-related body horror, Polnareff would be appalled. Fortunately the tongue horror is made up for by the presence of a gay murder/suicide/revenge for the ages. We have questions about gunshot residue. Eliz would...

Soup: is it good for you, or does it contain an enemy stand? We discuss the new opening, about which we are firmly lukewarm, and the new ending, about which we are firmly lukewarm. We meet the most iconic gay villain couple from Vento Aureo. We are finally back in our comfort zone: bathroom hijinks, and we learn that Narancia desperately needs to hydrate. Mista can’t imagine not wearing leather, a...

If you've been wondering, for years, how Vento Aureo's villain stand works, 1) join the club and 2) be grateful that the anime actually does a decent job of illustrating it! (Goodness knows we are.) Giorno develops *yet another* additional Gold Experience power, and this isn't even the last time he'll do that. King Crimson is probably the best-looking outcome of putting a little face on another, p...

Two thirds of this podcast hates polenta and the other third is wrong. Fugo would like for you to vouch for his Crime skill on LinkedIn. The main villain of a JoJo's arc has power over time and cuts off someone's hand and we know you're shocked. We are in awe of Bruno's grief zippers. Araki proves once again that he has seen The Godfather. And if anyone can tell us what kind of building code allow...

If you haven't watched the 1991 film Thelma & Louise yet, just trust us that it's just like Vento Aureo in the essentials. Giorno Giovanna is a library nerd. This week's fight has Giorno parroting essentially what Abbacchio was telling him back during the Man In The Mirror fight. We revisit and appreciate anew the 1996 Olympic games. David Productions started drawing thicc characters and refused t...

This episode features the greatest man to ever drive a Mazda Miata. Giorno finds another opportunity to turn something into a snake. Narancia is definitely a tiny grumpy old man in the body of a teen. Courtney only vaguely remembers anything about part 3. We tease out the difference between kids media and all-ages media. Giorno and Mista...pretty gay for each other? Pretty gay for each other. Surp...

Imagine if it was possible for women to have children...how would that even work? Fortunately, this episode answers this question, maybe too thoroughly. That does not prevent us from asking many questions, most of which deserve to go unanswered for the rest of human history. Yet another person with a commercial driver’s license meets an assumedly bad end. It is confirmed that if you try hard enoug...

Questions asked and answered in this episode: How many pieces can you cut yourself into and still live? What’s the difference between avenging your dead brother and avenging your dead lover? Should Pesci use his stand for orthoscopic surgery instead of crime? How long can you go with your heart stopped without consequences? Why is Number 5 sad all the time? And, who told Bruno that “Arrivederci” w...

Welcome to our discussion about a nice hard rod. (Ahem.) Pesci gets his ass handed to him by Mista. The gang mostly all age like a fine wine. Proscuitto is a sexy, majestic human being who did nothing wrong. Sex Pistols is an extremely powerful Stand, which is odd since guns in general aren’t very effective in the JoJos universe. Yet another driver of a large transportation machine dies. Courtney...

Join us as we valiantly attempt to explain the two greatest mysteries in life: 1) Pesci's face and 2) the magical transit turtle. Marvel as we manage to come up with perfectly passable (by our standards) explanations for both. Coco Jambo is slang for a hot man with killer dance moves, so make of that what you will. We spend far too much time talking about the biology of lobsters. Eliz is not sapio...

Courtney knows too much about blood. Eliz forgets about the existence of Holly Kujo née Joestar. The David Production team forgets how to draw human faces. We officially rename a Stand (say hello to Juicy Blues). We temporarily forget about who Giorno’s dads are. Courtney still doesn’t understand how Stands work. Darius knows too much about mid-nineties summer tentpole movie THE ROCK. And Araki cl...

Of all the members of Passione, who would have thought Fugo was the one Araki cared the least about? (Not us.) We are forced to try and determine Fugo's astrological sign, since Araki *didn't even give him a birthday*. David Productions is leaning way into "sexual assault" this season and, perhaps obviously, we aren't fans. We meet Purple Haze, one of the more upsetting stands for a protagonist to...

We regret to inform you that this episode is very horny. Eliz makes possibly the worst name-related pun in the history of this podcast. We attempt to create a list of all the things Lil' Bomber can't harm, but we have to stop because the answer is: everything. Courtney knows too much about how fire kills a person. Giorno Giovanna: excellent middle manager. The Encarta 95 introduction audio montage...