It's Not That Deep

In this episode, we discuss why it is that sometimes we get overwhelmed, and sometimes we don’t! We explore these differences, and realise that it depends on what else is going on in our lives. We draw on our own experiences, talk about how we might recognise when we are beginning to feel overwhelmed, and we give some tips on self-care to help to avoid overwhelm and look after ourselves....

We were delighted to welcome Henri Ghijben as a guest for this episode. Henri talks about the concept of ‘failing forward’ and we explored the idea that failure is only negative if we don’t learn from it. Henri realised this when he faced losing his home, business and possibly even his family, and this has had a major impact on how he runs his business, and his life.  This was an in...

In this episode we discuss what we mean by ‘good enough’ (which is not just barely adequate!) and how we can be OK with doing the best we can with our available resources. This is a topic that comes up a great deal for both of us in our work, and for ourselves. We share our own experiences of when we have felt not good enough and how we work at being able to zoom out and see the bigger p...

In this episode we have the lovely Amy Viola as our guest as we discuss the impact our hormones can have on our life, and the lives of those around us.  Amy is a clinical hypnotherapist, mindset coach and PMD empowerment mentor helping high achievers slow down, find balance and align with their true purpose, desires and needs. She also has a special interest in premenstrual disorders such as...

In this episode, we discuss what we mean by self-care, and how that differs from the nice, fluffy candles and baths stuff (which is also lovely!). When we talk about self-care we are talking about listening to our body, putting our anxiety and overwhelm to one side (gently!) and go and do something that will be nourishing for us.    The work is in working out whether what would be helpfu...

In this episode Lucy and Adrienne are delighted to welcome their first guest, Sarah Bolitho. Sarah helps people create active lives by providing information, inspiration and ideas that are enjoyable, and effective, and don't involve the gym! With over 30 years in the health-related fitness field, she has worked with a range of clients including people living with long-term conditions, disabil...

In this episode we discuss the feeling we all have sometimes of not really knowing how to be a ‘grown-up’, and the sense we have that other people don’t have that struggle. But we all do at times! How to be a parent, an employee, a human. Our brains like to make sense of the world, so we tend to think there is a ‘right way’ to do life and yet there isn’t. All we can do is the b...

Some people, (like us two!), are quite risk averse, but we are drawn to people who look like they are having more fun than us. If we want to be seen as fun, or popular, not to miss out then we can find ourselves doing things that we don’t feel comfortable with. If we aren’t aligned with our values then that really feels uncomfortable. We can also find ourselves staying in contact with fa...

In this episode we explore that satisfaction is more about being content rather than trying to be happy all the time. As humans it’s hard for us to be OK with that – we seek out and crave the highs. Lots of what we learn from the world is that we ‘deserve’ a happily ever after’, however life is made up of all kinds of moments and ultimately ends for all of us with death! Often we have li...

In this episode we discuss how we can sometimes have a sense that we are about to be in trouble, without even knowing why. This can come from different sorts of parenting/authority figures and is a mechanism to keep us safe, it’s just a maladaptive one, and seems to come from a sense of loss of control. We are primed to get into a fluster, and then our inner critic can kick in and we sta...

In this episode we explore that others don't view us the way we see ourselves. The fact that we change over time is one of life’s great certainties, so family may have a very different view of us than friends do, and older friends a different version to the friends we have met more recently. We show different parts of ourselves to different people in different situations and yet all those parts ar...

In this episode we discuss how boundaries, rather than putting up walls between us, are in fact about connecting us to others. They are also needed for taking care of ourselves and teaching others how to treat us. There are several different sorts of boundaries and we explore what these are and how they might show up. We talk about how we can use these ideas to take a step back, not...

In this episode we explore the tendency we have as humans to repeat mistakes. We often define ourselves through our behaviours – “This is what I always do...”, “I’m the sort of person who ...” and that can make it seem like we had no choice in those situations. For example, in relationships we can think it’s meant to be exciting – dating ‘bad boys’ rather than someone kind, reliable, or consi...

In this episode we discuss why we think we need to save things to use only for ‘good enough’ times. We explore the idea that we are denying ourselves the opportunity to wear or use our ‘best’ things, when we could use them whenever we want! There’s a cultural norm about ‘keeping things for best’, which we maybe don’t really examine. We just do it because it’s what you do. What exact...

We generally like to set goals, to have a list and then tick things off. In this episode we discuss that there is however, a difference between tasks that can be completed (work/shopping/diy/etc.) and the goals that we generally set ourselves – things like ‘getting fit’, losing weight, being ‘happy’ etc. These tend to be punitive and unattainable, or at least unsustainable goals. Not onl...

In this episode we discuss that we are sold an idea that there is one ‘right’ way to do life; that good things happen to good people. That leads us to think that we have ‘failed’ somehow when things don't go well or according to plan. Culturally we are given messages about how we are meant to be and if we fall outside that we feel bad. If we zoom out to get a broader perspective, we can...

In this episode we discuss how we are primed to notice things in our peripheral vision, it’s an evolutionary thing, and now it’s hard for us to prioritise all the things we can see, or the thoughts that flit through our heads. There is a sense sometimes of having too many windows open in the browser in our head, so we don’t feel that we can get into a flow with the task at hand! If we can’t d...

In this episode we establish that there can be two types of "wanting to be perfect" one how we want others to see us, and the other how we feel about ourselves. There can be a striving to be the best version of ourselves, and judging when we have been a bit rubbish, as well as perfectionism about the outward version of ourselves. We compare a curated version of someone else with how we feel a...

In this episode we discuss that ‘staying’ is both a physical thing –e.g. jobs, relationships etc and also we stay with behaviours that may have served us as children but aren’t useful any more as adults. These can be sedimented beliefs, things we can’t really see, and they can also be things we can see – if only I could change X I would be happier, for example. And this can be really unc...

This episode is quite a personal one for both of us! We talk here about being vulnerable, showing all of ourself to others. We discuss our early memories of feeling shame and the impact that has had on us. These experiences mean that we often feel that we are having to navigate rules that we don’t quite understand. And if we have a strong inner critic then that can feed into us...

In this episode we discuss why there is something comforting about the familiar, even if it makes us unhappy! So we fall into our familiar patterns because they are what we always do in stressful situations. These may well have been behaviours that kept us safe as a child, but they often don’t serve us as adults. So how can we catch ourselves doing these things, and practice doing s...

In this episode we chat about how, when we feel insecure, we might lean on external things to create our sense of self. And if we do this, then the image we build up of our expectations of something can never live up to what we need it to be. Which is in turn upsetting for us. We can believe that everyone else has the same standards as us, but of course, everyone has had different e...

In this episode we explore how we can be defensive about our opinions, and how when we are young we aren’t able to see the long-term consequences of our decisions. We chat about our personal experiences as younger adults, and how sticky it can be for all of us at any age when we are given unsolicited advice! We discuss how therapy and mindfulness can help to develop an awareness of what’s not...

In this episode, we explore why we sometimes feel really alone, even when we might be among others. We are conditioned to think we are "supposed to" have a mate or partner and can feel inadequate if we find ourselves single. We chat about groups and belonging and that no one person or group can really meet all of our needs. Feeling alone or lonely can make us feel bad and we offer some advice arou...

This conversation focuses on both repairing relationships (romantic, friendships, family) that have broken down, and maintaining relationships where we feel that we always make the first move. We also talk about someone needing to make the first move to create and develop new relationships! We often have a fear of rejection, so it takes courage to be the first one to reach out. There’s a...