It's Not About the Alcohol

Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. Feeling "bad" about taking care of yourself is an imaginary obstacle. In reality, your needs are just as important as everyone else's.  If that sounds radical, this episode is for you.  For five years, I've been telling myself that I can't go for a bike ride because my dog can't come with me. That sounds ridiculous to say out loud. But it's the only way to break the...

Divorce is traumatizing. But the story you tell yourself about your ex-partner can do far more damage--to you--than the actual events.  Long-term suffering is self-inflicted. Clinging to a painful story prevents us from moving forward and experiencing joy. Our bodies–our nervous systems–are retraumatized each time we remind ourselves what happened. Forgiveness isn't about condoning or excusing som...

You know that sinking feeling when you're staying sober or eating clean or making it to the gym–and you suddenly realize it's not going to last? I hate that feeling. Luckily, it's a feeling, not a fact. Sustaining a new habit does not require a robot-like ability to resist temptation. Or massive amounts of grit and determination. It's the awareness that ALL emotions are temporary. As a human, you...

Shame is a big motivator for high-functioning drinkers and perfectionists. Feeling like you have to prove yourself, or earn the right to relax, comes from the belief that you are not worthy as you are. You have to DO better to BE good enough. When you stop drinking, a large chunk of shame goes away. Because you no longer have anything to hide. But the "problem" with having less shame is that your...

Tired of white-knuckling (or caving into) cravings for alcohol, comfort food and other self-defeating behaviors? Want to know what to do when you want something you shouldn't have? In this episode, I'll role-play the emotional sobriety framework that allows you to easily overcome urges without relying on willpower using my own recent temptation to open a bottle of wine. Willpower is a limited reso...

Rita Black is a clinical hypnotherapist and leading expert in both the arenas of smoking cessation and weight loss. She is the author of the best selling From Fat to Thin Thinking:Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss and the host of the Thin Thinking podcast. Rita's online hypnosis-based Shift Weight Mastery Process and Smokefree123 programs have helped thousands transform themselves into he...

Alcohol temporarily spikes your dopamine. Which is why you think, " this feels good and I want more. " But what goes up must come down. Consistent use (of anything addictive) depletes your dopamine reserves. So you feel worse, crave more and unwittingly progress into addiction. When you quit drinking, you will be in a dopamine deficit for a while. This is known as post-acute withdrawal syndrome (P...

Community is the foundation of recovery. We don't recover alone! But the ideas you're exposed to in early sobriety have significant impact on your recovery. Labeling yourself as an "alcoholic" and committing to lifetime abstinence can increase your chance of relapse into alcohol use disorder. Ask someone who has what you want how they got it is good advice. But if you're human, what you want will...

Whitney Durmick is author of Half Wild: A prayer for a generation of roaming malcontents. The book takes an uncompromising look at her self-destructive behavior as she lovingly untangles herself from the throes of anxiety, addiction and loneliness.  Using excerpts from the book, Whitney and I unpack the emotional disconnect that has haunted her since childhood (me too!). Moving around a lot, Whitn...

Trigger warning: If you're happy identifying as a "sober" alcoholic, this episode is not for you. Does promising to stay sober for the rest of your life conflict with your values? Are you an independent thinker who enjoys staying open to new ideas? Todays episode is a practice run of my new webinar, Why women who identify as alcoholics and therefore "sober" can struggle in recovery. There is stron...

Have you thought about quitting alcohol on and off for years--especially after a night of over-doing it? But once the hanxiety wears off, sobriety feels complicated and overly dramatic? The primary problem is not how much you drink. The problem is that you're relying on shame as a motivator. And once you feel better and the shame goes away, your motivation goes with it. You're a perfectionist, not...

Alcohol use disorder is classified as a mental health issue. It's a thinking problem more than a drinking problem.  Quitting drinking is a big first step. But an all-or-nothing, black and white approach to sobriety perpetuates the cycle of self-sabotage in ALL areas of your life. The pursuit of perfection is the problem, not the solution. There is no such thing as "perfect." Learning how to live o...

What happens when you fall "off the wagon," go into a "spiral" or find yourself "in a hole?"  Do you accept it as a fact? Tell yourself you'll "start over" on Monday or next month or when you have more time/energy/focus? What if bad days don't have to stay that way?  In this episode, I share 3 questions that can interrupt a negative tailspin. You can chose to feel better NOW instead of waiting for...

How often do you spend hours, days, weeks (ok, maybe months) ruminating on negative stories? Thinking and talking about the person or situation that is making you feel angry, hurt, disappointed, frustrated or concerned? Objectively, you'd probably agree that is not time well spent. After the intial sting, you're really just pissing off yourself with the story about the sting. Dwelling on the past...

I was afraid of sobriety. Because I knew alcohol was just a distraction. I was mostly drinking to cope with an unhappy marriage. A stagnant career. I was bored with friendships that had run their course. My kids were leaving the nest and I didn't know what to do with myself or my time. I didn't know how to be alone. It felt good to quit alcohol. But sobriety didn't solve my problems. And it felt r...

My client felt great when he quit drinking in December. But one month later, a mysterious bout of depression made him feel like he was "stuck in concrete." He bounced back only to have it happen again. The culprit here is post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS)--which effects most people to some extent when they quit drinking. We call it "recovery" for a reason. It takes time for brain chemistry to...

Chris Engen is board certified in holistic nutrition and has an advanced certificate in recovery nutition coaching.  In today's episode, Chris and I do a deep dive into the beliefs that lead to disordered eating and subsequent substance abuse. We blast the myth that being "messed up" is what gets us the diagnoses of generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, depression and bipolar disorder and m...

After trying on many beliefs about my relationship with alcohol, I've adopted the belief that I can drink anytime I want. Because it feels much better to think I don't want to drink than I can't drink . My recovery is no longer from alcohol. I have healed my brain and my body from years of abuse. My recovery now is focused on getting over my habits of people-pleasing and perfectionism. I am becomi...

The motivation to drink less is usually pain. The problem is motivation to avoid pain disappears. The less you drink, the better you feel and the more likely you are to go back for another round.  The reason the idea of sobriety feels like a denial of self and well-being is because drinkers view drinking as part of their identity. Also a coping strategy. So they ignore the evidence that life would...

After moving to New York City and achieving the American dream, Ana felt empty and disconnected. She tried many things and eventually went on a 2-week meditation retreat. In the silence, she realized that her life was filled with noise and chaos. So she divorced her husband, quit her job, rented a house on a beach and embarked on a new career as a life coach. After the initial burst of energy that...

In today's episode, we're holding space for Makini Campbell's "coming out" about her status as a woman in recovery. For her, speaking on this podcast marks the beginning of a new chapter. Serving as a highly empathic teacher and professional counselor to poverty-stricken communities, neglecting herself in the efforts to help others left her feeling broken. Like a mouse stuck in a maze. Makini shar...

Growing up in the Christian church, I'd been indoctrinated with the sinner mindset. That I was born unworthy. That my physical needs and desires are evil. And so I believed that if something felt bad or wrong, I was bad and wrong. I thought shame was the voice of God--moving me away from the voice of false knowledge.  Grab my free reflection exercise on how to process shame @   https://recoverwith...

In this short and sweet episode, I read an essay published last year about coming to terms with the role codependency played in my first divorce--just in time to avoid a second divorce.  Read this essay on my blog: https://recoverwithcolleen.pages.ontraport.net/Library/Confessions-Raging-Codependant If you like this episode and would like me to dive deeper into the topic of codependency, speak up!...

Addiction is a gradual narrowing of focus. Fewer things have the ability to make you genuinely happy. And over time, more of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors become automated stress responses. But being "stuck" in a habit is an illusion. The brain is plastic--constantly changing. A basic awareness of how the brain responds to stimuli allows you to direct the changes in your brain instead of r...

Our brains' operating system is language-based. Words have meaning and therefore define your reality. Becoming aware of your default thinking patterns allows you to choose thoughts that you want to think on purpose. You can actually reprogram your brain to respond intelligently. In this episode, I teach you how to shift into solution-based thinking without falling prey to toxic positivity. Be prep...