It's Not About the Alcohol

Do you believe that a "healthy fear" of alcohol will keep you safe from future screw-ups?   Fear elicits a stress response. And when your nervous system perceives a threat, you feel anxious and distracted by intrusive thoughts. Your brain starts predicting worse-case scenarios.    The idea of "fighting" this forever is overwhelming. It's like trying to not cough. You can do it…for a while. But you...

Do you think more people need to listen to this podcast? On November 13th, I'm relaunching as It's Not About the Alcohol: Holistic Recovery & Emotional Sobriety.  Join my podsquad as an act of rebellion against the status quo. Because over-drinking is NOT about the alcohol. And people who are struggling need to know that!  To show my appreciation for your support, you'll get immediate access to my...

What's the first thought in your head when you wake up and realize you "did it again?"   Beating yourself up and thinking that you're back at "square one" only amplifies the hangover. And you probably think that's exactly what needs to happen. Because you believe in punishment. Feeling bad is what motivates you to get your sh!t together.   And the problem is, that can work. For a while. You tuck y...

Did you have a (mostly) normal childhood and now feel frustated because you have no explanation as to why you ended up with an addictive personality that keeps you on a hamster wheel of bad habits?   If you identify as a high-achieving perfectionist who comes from a good family, you may assume that struggling to control yourself (with anything) means there's something wrong with you.   Most of us...

Do you have a secret fear that no matter how good it feels to stay sober, you won't stick with it?   The fear may arise with a random alcohol craving that comes out of nowhere–a mysterious thirst that feels like a bottomless pit.    Or you might remember how it feels to watch the sunset with a bottle of wine and start thinking, "OMG…I can't ever do that again!"    Or the fear comes with that dark...

What do you think is required to maintain your fitness after fifty?   If you struggle to stay consistent with a strict workout routine, don't assume that you're just lazy and unmotivated. You'll start feeling older than your age and lose confidence in your ability to go for hikes, run for the plane and hit the dance floor when Jessie's Girl comes on.   The reason staying in shape feels so hard is...

Do you tell yourself things will be different as soon as you get "caught up?"   The root cause of procrastination is the perception that you don't have enough time. Feeling "behind" is a threat to your nervous system that keeps you stuck in a chronic state of stress.   Which means you're sitting on the sidelines watching life pass you by. Feeling disgusted with yourself. Because if you'd just take...

In 2020, fierce contempt for my selfish jackass of a husband motivated me to quit drinking. I wanted to be above reproach when I filed for divorce. Today, I genuinely respect and admire the generous and sexy man who is (still) my husband.  Contempt is not fueled by the flaws of your spouse. Your experience is a reflection of your attitude, not reality. And even if you divorce, you'll get full cust...

Hypnotherapist Rita Black is returning to the show to address the difficult issue many of us encounter when we take a break from drinking--Night Time Eating!    Night-time eating is more than an urge…it's a pattern. Which is why trying to use discipline to "not eat" or "eat less" doesn't work. Your subconscious mind has an agenda that overrides willpower.   Rita explains the patterns of "three" an...

Kim Roy has never had a drinking problem. And yet, she identifies as a woman in recovery–from anger.    Friends referred to her as "spicy Kim" because she had a short fuse. Righteous anger was hard-wired into her personality--motivating her to right the wrongs in life. In many ways, she liked her bold aggressiveness. The ability to "cut the crap" and "tell it like it is" served her well.   But the...

Today's episode is a raw and candid conversation with Angela Mascenik, the host of the Stop Over-Drinking and Start Living Podcast .    We discuss the intimate details about the personal problems that led each of us to quit drinking, what we learned about ourselves in the process and how we came to realize "this isn't about alcohol."    And then we get REAL, because if recovery really is NOT about...

Many of us quit drinking because it's not working for us anymore. We feel depleted and deprived.  Which is why periods of sobriety can feel like such a relief. When you finally break the cycle of indulgence and deprivation, your eyes are opened to how much more there is to life, to yourself and to your relationships.  Once you realize that alcohol blocks the source of your own wisdom and intuition...

Trauma is ANY experience that leaves a physical or emotional wound. Which means, we ALL have trauma.   Trauma is a learning process in the brain…it changes how we interact with the world. Painful events cause us to conclude that we are unlovable, worthless or insignificant. And so we feel rejected, unworthy, stupid and wrong. We internalize the idea that something is wrong with us.    Trauma chang...

Do you pride yourself on your ability to "tuck your crazy?" Would you rather boil in rage or drown in overwhelm than be exposed as a Drama Queen? We're conditioned from an early age to suppress inconvenient feelings. Whoever can put up with the most sh!t and still smile wins. My guest today is Michelle Grosser–a recovering perfectionist and nervous system regulation coach. She shares how her fear...

The sober community promotes the idea that alcohol reduces your ability to control yourself. And that alcoholism is an incurable disease that can only be managed with complete abstinence.   The "alcoholic" identity is a lifetime commitment to a DISABILITY.   Which is why quitting feels so complicated. You're caught between two extremes, both of which rob you of autonomy and self-determination.   B...

Our sense of safety as children was dependent on our caregivers. We needed to make the adults around us happy. We let our parents tell us what to think and how to feel. Because that kept us safe.   And so, we learned how to regulate their nervous system instead of our own.   For many of us, childhood traumas manifest as perfectionism and cycles of self-sabotage. Because we're managing our stress t...

If you struggle with anxiety and depression, or are trying to escape the alcohol trap, you are well aware that life would be better if you were nicer to yourself.    But what does that really mean? And HOW do you like yourself if you don't actually like yourself?   In this episode, I'll start with the big picture. What are the "symptoms" of self-love? What does that look like from the outside? How...

After years of living in denial, it's normal to have a regret hangover in early sobriety.    Just saying "I'm sober" can feel shameful. Because you're admitting that drinking was a problem. And while it's important to move forward, you still have to make peace with the past.   Unprocessed regret keeps you stuck in a cycle of stress. Avoiding your emotions leads to self-sabotage — overcompensating,...

Personal power is when you stop placing conditions on when you will and won't be okay.    Okayness is a feeling, not a fact. It's a story you're telling yourself.    Your brain has created a set of conditions and is holding your nervous system hostage. If life fails to meet your expectations, your body is thrown into a stress response.    You're trying to regulate your emotions by controlling the...

Emotional sobriety requires prioritizing self care. You don't need permission or approval to set boundaries with your body.    But that feels complicated when applied to sex. Women have been conditioned to "service" our partners on a regular basis, whether we feel like it or not. If you don't keep your man happy, someone else might.    Contrary to patriarchal standards perpetuated by BOTH men and...

When we think about whether or not alcoholism can be cured, realize we're only asking people who identify as alcoholics.   There are many people who experience the negative side effects of drinking and decide to quit or cut back. In fact, seventy-five percent of drinkers self-correct on their own.   Alcohol use disorder is a spectrum. There is no line between episodic, problematic drinking and dis...

As a yogi, I thought I knew what breathwork was (calming but not exactly "powerful"). And then I did a breathwork session with Victoria Lee Starr. The experience blew my mind and forever changed my approach to mental health and recovery.     Doing the "work" of recovery–unpacking emotional issues and learning new mental processes–is exhausting. Why? Because trauma and unprocessed emotions get stuc...

According to Einstein, you can't solve a problem with the same perspective that sees the problem. Which is why the first step towards a solution often begins with redefining the problem. Shift your persective. Ask better questions. In this episode, learn why diagnosing yourself with sugar cravings limits your view of the big picture.  Cravings are emotional, not biological. The urge to consume sug...

Why do we lose our sh*t when we have to stand in our truth? Honesty is painful. Which is why we tend to rely on anger as a medium to defend our truth.  But the truth isn't right or wrong. Truth just is what it is. It doesn't need to be approved or understood–by anyone–including you! If you want to reclaim your personal power, you have to stop blaming other people for how you feel.  Radical honesty...

Dopamine is our primary source of motivation. It triggers us to move our ass towards whatever we think we want. The more you use external crutches to boost your dopamine, the less able your brain is to produce it naturally. You don't have to be a raging coke-head for this to apply. If you rely on any combination of sugar, caffeine, nicotine and alcohol for energy and motivation, or find yourself u...