It's Not About the Alcohol

Most of our desires are not our own. They come from cultural and social expectations of what success and happiness looks like. That's normal. Nothing wrong there. But tuning into the EXPERIENCE of both the pursuit and the aquisition of what you want is the only way to set goals that give you a sense of purpose and meaning. When I changed my goal from "having" a financially viable coaching practice...

Omar Pinto joins us for a discussion about plant medicine. Omar is a mindset and performance life coach based in Costa Rica who made a BIG name for himself in the sobriety and recovery community with his Shair Recovery podcast. He's recently incorporated plant medicine into his coaching practice as a way to help people remove the obstacles and limiting beliefs keeping them from experiencing lastin...

I'm speaking with my personal coach, Heather Ross, about the self-care practices she relies on to process grief. Last year, Heather lost her daughter, Helanna, to a fentynal overdose. Heather shares the evidence-based approach to addiction and recovery that allowed her to extend unconditional love to both herself and her daughter while she was still alive so that she has no regrets about the past....

You know attitude is everything. If you think of sobriety as a punishment for bad behavior or a "break" from your real life, it's going to feel that way.  Join me for a 5-day challenge starting on Nov 25 (Black Friday) to learn how to change your mind ON PURPOSE. Each day you'll get a small challenge that's easy, fun and not threatening. You do not have to quit drinking to participate. The goal is...

What does emotional sobriety look like in action? I had to put my money where my mouth is when my application to an expensive professional coaching program was denied. Evidently, wanna-be losers need not apply. The winds were sucked from my sails and my plans to create a successful business helping women in recovery were destroyed with a single email.  And so, I cried. In this episode, I deconstru...

We blame sugar as the source of our cravings. But the real problem is emotional--feelings of boredom, distraction and apathy.  Restlessness. Discontent--among other things. Eating sugar feels good for about 5 minutes. But the shame and guilt hit fast. You feel worse, not better. Overcoming sugar cravings requires big picture curiosity. What is your body really asking for? In this episode, I show y...

Loneliness is not the absence of people or a reflection of external circumstances. It's a lack of connection with yourself. In this episode, I'll show you how to use self-care and self-compassion to restore a sense of purpose and meaning in your life. So that you no longer need to rely on others to feel secure. Investing in your relationship with yourself is the authentic way to heal from loneline...

The urge to use substances to change the way you feel comes from a dysregulated nervous system. Learning to interrupt the stress response allows you to respond intelligently. So that you're not hostage to unconscious triggers. In this episode, I show you how to shift out of the story you're telling yourself so that you can soothe your nervous system. As you know, life is a lot easier to manage whe...

As drinkers, we hid our struggle with alcohol, which created shame and fear and a disconnect from who we really are and who we were pretending to be. Sobriety is an invitation to reclaim our integrity. In this episode, I'll show you how to purge old thought patterns and emotional habits so that you can step into a better version of yourself. Do your homework! Download The NonDrinker Identity at  h...

The belief that successful women should have it all and do it all, not just for themselves but everyone else, is the patriarchy. Self-neglect is NOT a sign of resilience. The first step to burning the patriarchy is acknowledge your own limiting beliefs. The next step is to accept that your needs are just as important as everyone elses--including your kids, spouse, boss and even your dog. The woman...

Are you struggling with emotional eating or smoking or curtailing your spending? Willpower is no match for subconscious habits that have been automated by the brain. Trying to control yourself triggers a stress response that makes it MORE likely you'll fail. In this episode, I introduce the Stop Drop and Feel technique that will help you override compulsive behavior.  Find the Correcting for Compu...

Are you resentful of your spouse? Overwhelmed by your daily to-do list? Feeling guilt and regret about the past? Do your emotional outbursts make things worse instead of better? Your feelings don't tell you the truth about what's going on in the outside world. They reflect your beliefs about YOURSELF in relation to what's going on. In this episode, I teach you how to apply my favorite tool -- the...

Are you annoyed by everyone who says you have to "feel your feelings" in early sobriety? What does that even mean? And what's the point of feeling bad? In this episode, I explain how to extract the hidden messages of emotional turmoil and give you clear action steps so you can resolve them. After years of numbing, avoiding and suppressing your feelings, it's liberating to realize emotions are your...

After years of using alcohol to cope with life (aka short-change yourself), early sobriety is an invitation to address the basic needs that must be met if you want to enjoy living in your body. In this episode, I explain how taking a holistic approach to your recovery corrects the upstream deficiencies that make life feel really overwhelming. Find the Unmet Needs guide mentioned in this episode at...

In early sobriety, it's common to use sugar to combat alcohol cravings. But aside from undermining your weight loss goals and making you feel crappy, consuming sugar keeps the craving cycle alive. Which makes it HARDER to resist alcohol. Because sugar is addictive too. Sugar undermines the brain's ability to recalibrate for dopamine, making recovery longer and harder. Learn why and how to eliminat...

In this episode, I share how my plant-based, intermittent fasting approach did NOT serve me in early recovery. Our brains need three protein-packed meals per day to recover. Whether you're hoping to lose weight now that you're not drinking, or needing to recover from "drink-orexia," you'll need a strategy for healthy eating. Find  Whole Food Recipes for Recovery , Make a Plan Eat the Plan and Supp...

In this epidosde, I give you the strategies to prepare for the inevitable stupid questions and comments you'll hear when you venture into social situations as a new non-drinker. We'll cover the 5 most common beliefs you'll need to overcome: 1. Not-drinking is akin to admitting a drinking problem 2. People will judge or worse--pity you. 3. You might fail. 4. Sobriety is like a vow of celibacy and o...

We drink because we believe alcohol helps us feel relaxed and connected. And we think that quitting will be hard and painful. We assume that if we don't have enough willpower to moderate, sobriety will feel like the ultimate in self-denial. But believing something doesn't make it true. The best way to counteract the subconscious beliefs that tie you to drinking and scare you from committing to rem...

Even with detox symptoms, early sobriety feels amazing when compared to active alcohol use disorder. The pink bubble is nature's nod to our efforts. However, we call it "recovery" for a reason. It takes time for brain chemistry to recalibrate. The reasons we thought we needed a drink are now waiting to be dealt with.  Post-actute withdrawal syndrome is a collection of physical, mental, emotional a...

Early sobriety is a tender time. After years of drinking, we have to re-imagine who we are without a drink in our hand. The best way to do that is through story.  In this bonus episode, I read an essay I wrote as I neared my one-year sober-versary. It's a tribute to everyone who dares to put down the drink and step into the unknown. Read E x-Drinkers are Badass  and other essays on my blog.  Regis...

Staying sober when you still want to drink is awful. Boo. No fun. You're signing up for a life of feeling less than and left out. There are 3 steps to changing your mind about alcohol so that you no longer want to drink. It's pretty easy...you just have to realize that you change your mind all the time. Don't believe me? Look at the clothes you thought were cool ten years ago.  In this episode, I...

Boundaries can't be negotiated until they are identified. That's the primary purpose of emotions! To alert us when someone or something is violating our space or taking advantage of us. Unfortunately, we've been socially conditioned to suppress those pesky feelings in favor of being "nice." So we eat resentment for breakfast to avoid having to say "no."  Untangling our feelings and thoughts requir...

The thing we get wrong about coping skills is that we think they allow us to be more productive. Whoever can put up with the most sh!t and still smile wins, right? Coping skills aren't for managing life. They are for managing your body. They are tools for self-care. There's a big difference between stress and stressors, and most of us think it's the external stuff that's making us crazy. In this e...

In this episode, I fact-check the lies that perpetuate drinking so that you can stop blaming yourself for having a broken "off" switch. Alcohol use disorder is an honest mistake. Alcohol does NOT make you happy. It inhibits pleasure in everyday life. Alcohol does NOT help you sleep. It blocks REM sleep which is why you feel exhausted even if you're in bed 8 hours. Tolerance is NOT a sign of a high...

In the past, the mindset of "taking a break" set me up for failure. As an all or nothing, go-big-or-stay-home person, the best approach for me was to jump into sobriety with both feet.  In this episode, I share how I got through detox and what happened when the pink bubble (Nature's nod to our efforts) popped. Alcohol use disorder is an honest mistake. We're not given the information we need to ac...