It’s Both — Living in the Messy Middle

The messy middle of anxiety often starts here: waiting for certainty that will never come before you're willing to move. Rob Bell calls it the certainty trap — the place where overthinking becomes a way to avoid living. In Part 1 of this conversation, Rob and Nikki P talk about why we crave certainty so deeply, what happens when the systems that gave us certainty collapse, and how to move forward...

What if you made it through the year but you don't recognize yourself anymore? This is a solo episode about the grief and gratitude of major life changes — that feeling when you survived but you're not the same person who started. About holding the hard and the hopeful at the end of a year that changed you. For anyone feeling the weight of everything they lost AND everything they learned. I'm shar...

What if the anxiety you feel isn't in your head — it's in your nervous system? Janice Holland - The Trauma Teacher - knows what it's like when your body won't let you rest even when you're exhausted. This is a conversation about trauma, overthinking, and why your nervous system is stuck in survival mode. About navigating the messy middle of healing when your body keeps score. For anyone who can't...

Oona Metz is therapist and an author who helps people hold grief and relief at the same time. This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of divorce — that gap between who you were as a partner and who you're becoming alone. About the transition anxiety that comes when ending something feels like failure AND freedom. For anyone starting over after a relationship and wondering if it's...

The messy middle of chronic stress often looks like this: your body has been signaling distress for months, and you've been too busy overthinking to hear it. Matt Bennett joins Nikki P to talk about what heart rate variability reveals about where your nervous system is stuck — and what emotional regulation actually looks like when you start listening to your body's signals instead of overriding th...

This is a conversation about the mental load of performing safety, the overthinking required to navigate predominantly white spaces, and the cost of making yourself smaller to survive. About navigating the messy middle of major life changes when you stop performing and start showing up as yourself. For anyone exhausted by code-switching and wondering what it costs to be "palatable." Darius shares...

Emma Supica uses improv to help people with anxiety learn that there are no wrong answers — just offers. This is a conversation about overthinking, anxiety, and what improv teaches you about letting go of perfect. About navigating the messy middle of not knowing what comes next and trusting yourself anyway. For anyone paralyzed by "What if I say the wrong thing?" and terrified to move without a sc...

What if the overwhelm you feel isn't because you don't care enough — it's because you care too much about too many things? Liv Paige helps activists find their focus without the burnout. This is a conversation about activism, overwhelm, and what it means to choose your focus when the world is on fire. About navigating the messy middle of caring deeply while protecting your capacity. For anyone par...

What if you could sit in the unknown without overthinking your way out of it? This episode is about anxiety in uncertainty — that feeling when you don't know what's next and your brain won't stop trying to figure it out. About navigating the messy middle of major life changes when the only answer is "I don't know yet." For anyone who spirals in the unknown and needs permission to just... be there....

What if your kid's meltdown isn't the problem — it's what their meltdown triggers in you? Mandy Grass is a behavior analyst who helps parents understand what's happening beneath the meltdown. This is a conversation about boundaries, anxiety, and what happens when your child's big feelings activate your own unresolved stuff. About navigating the messy middle of parenting when you're trying to regul...

Reggie D. Ford helps people hold love and anger at the same time — without choosing. This is a conversation about boundaries, trauma, and the both/and of mixed emotions. About navigating the messy middle of relationships when you love someone AND you're furious with them. For anyone told they need to "let it go" when what they actually need is permission to feel both. Reggie shares why trauma comp...

The messy middle of treatment-resistant mental health is knowing what you're supposed to do and still not being able to get there — no matter how many therapists, medications, or practices you've tried. Liz Perez is a licensed marriage and family therapist who offers ketamine-assisted therapy in collaboration with medical providers. She joins Nikki P for an honest, demystifying conversation about...

The messy middle of chronic illness is being in a body that's falling apart while the people whose job it is to help you keep telling you nothing is wrong. Grace Steele was an adventurous solo traveler and graphic designer whose life changed almost overnight. After months of being dismissed, gaslit, and told her symptoms were anxiety, she was finally diagnosed with cranio-cervical instability and...

The messy middle of ambition is this — you've been striving your whole life and at some point you realize the striving itself is keeping you from actually living. Khalil Ekulona is an award-winning journalist, broadcaster, and host whose work spans public radio, television, and digital media. He joins Nikki P to talk about what it looks like to shift from ambition-driven achievement to inspiration...

Mixed emotions, hard decisions, big changes? You’re not broken—you’re human. It’s Both is a weekly show for people navigating the gray: where you can feel excited and terrified, grateful and wanting more, ready and not ready. Hosted by therapist-turned-storyteller Nikki P, each episode gives you simple emotional-intelligence tools for anxiety, overthinking, and the hard decisions nobody talks abou...

The messy middle of living your truth can cost you everything you built your life around — your community, your career, your sense of belonging — and still be the right thing to do. Paula Stone Williams transitioned genders at 60 after decades as a prominent evangelical pastor and national church leader. Within 24 hours of coming out, she lost all her jobs, her pension, and most of her friends. Wh...

The messy middle of starting over isn't always a choice. Sometimes it's the only option — leaving everything you've ever known for a country you've never seen, at 14 years old, with your mother and four siblings and no roadmap for what comes next. Abdikadir Mohamed spent 14 years in a refugee camp in Kenya before resettling in the United States. He joins Nikki P to talk about what it actually feel...

What does it mean to rebuild when half of who you were was built around someone else? This is a conversation about starting over after divorce — that gap between who you were as a couple and who you're becoming alone. About navigating the messy middle of major life changes when your identity was entangled with theirs. For anyone starting over and wondering who they are without their partner. You'l...

What if the overthinking about whether you deserve rest is the thing keeping you from actually resting? This is a solo episode about the anxiety of pausing, the guilt of rest, and why overthinking every decision to stop makes burnout inevitable. About navigating the messy middle of needing a break but feeling like you're failing. For anyone who can't rest without spiraling into guilt or panic. I'm...

What does it cost to lead when you're "the only"? Dawn Stone, the Conflict Chick, knows what it's like to navigate leadership as the only Black woman in the room. This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of major life changes in your career when microaggressions are constant and burnout is inevitable. About the anxiety of code-switching, proving yourself, and carrying representatio...

The messy middle of menopause isn't just physical — it's an identity shift that happens to your body whether you're ready or not, and almost nobody warned you it would feel like this. Susie Beaumont joins Nikki P to talk honestly about what menopause actually feels like — the anxiety and mood shifts no one explains, the grief of a body that feels unfamiliar, and why so many women feel completely a...

What if loving someone doesn't mean letting them hurt you? This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of loving difficult people—holding compassion for them AND boundaries for yourself. About the transition anxiety of staying connected to people who drain you and the major life changes in relationships when you realize love doesn't require access. For anyone who feels guilty for need...

CORRECTED VERSIONS - ALL 9 EPISODES EPISODE 1: "You Can Love Them AND Keep Your Distance" Guest: None (solo episode) REVISED DESCRIPTION: What if loving someone doesn't mean letting them hurt you? This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of loving difficult people—holding compassion for them AND boundaries for yourself. About the transition anxiety of staying connected to people wh...

What if you went into helping work to make a difference—and now it's breaking you? This is a conversation about navigating the messy middle of burnout in helping professions—teaching, therapy, social work, ministry, healthcare. About the transition anxiety and overthinking of caring too much when the system doesn't care enough. About major life changes in how you work when you're exhausted by the...

What if you can feel crushed by grief AND held by gratitude at the same time? This is a solo episode about navigating the messy middle of holding mixed emotions when everything feels heavy. About the transition anxiety of major life changes when you're holding both/and: grief and gratitude, exhaustion and hope, breaking and building. For anyone who feels guilty for being grateful when they're also...