It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Sometimes professionals in the legal system get it backwards. It’s frustrating and leaves people feeling helpless. Why can’t the judge see what the other party is doing? Why is my ex’s lawyer painting him/her out to be a hero, convincing everyone in the courtroom that I’m the bad parent? Do professionals get it backwards and believe the wrong person sometimes? Bill and Megan discuss this important...

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority.  It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality d...

Have you ever been fooled by someone? Or become passionate about a cause, belief, or opinion that later was proven to be false – and you discovered that the information was there all the time but you hadn’t considered anything outside one point of view? That may have been because of confirmation bias. In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss: what confirmation bias is and how it can fool us conf...

People with high conflict personalities have strong unconscious fears that are easily triggered: abandonment; humiliation, being dominated; ignored; and other major losses. When triggered, this is a greater concern with high conflict people than with the average person.  In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss: the types of losses that can trigger high risk: divorce new relationship partner job te...

Stopping yourself in a high-conflict situation doesn’t come naturally for most. We get frustrated when things escalate quickly and wonder why we took the bait once again. Of course, the brain is involved so it comes down to unconscious reactions, but can they be overcome? Can we get emotionally unhooked? In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss: the dilemmas that come from people with high conflict...

Did you know if brainwashing of a child is real in divorce and/or co-parenting? In parental alienation (child alienation), families are divided but is brainwashing behind it? A part of it? Or not at all? In today’s episode, Megan interviews Bill about his latest findings on this topic, which is one of the most challenging and painful life experiences that families go through. They will discuss: qu...

The Second City – where countless actors and comedians got their start. They’ve been bringing the funny for over 60 years. Now the first name in improve and comedy, they’ve expanded well beyond the stage and into business, wellness, education and so much more.  Kelly Leonard, Executive Director of Learning and Applied Improvisation at The Second City, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to talk a...

Erasing Family. In this age of cancellation, it’s not so rare. In the divorce and child custody (family court) world, cancellation has been a “thing” for a long time. Cancellation of the child’s other parent and even extended family is common.  In this episode, Bill and Megan are joined by Ginger Gentile, director of the Erasing Family documentary. Erasing Family follows young adults fighting to r...

“Listening People Into Existence.” In this second episode with Doug Noll of the Prison of Peace program, Bill and Megan continue their conversation about this program that leads incarcerated individuals through intensive workshops to become Peacemakers, and eventually Certified Trainers who go out into their communities after their release, using their new peacemaking skills.  In this episode, Dou...

“From Serving Life to a Life of Service.” This is the motto of the Prison of Peace program created by Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer, two lawyers with big hearts from California. Through Prison of Peace, incarcerated individuals are led through intensive workshops as they progress through the various program levels from Peacemaker to Certified Trainer, mastering the art of communication and conflict...

In workplace conflict, handling complaints, upset employees and high conflict situations is taxing, leaving many organizations feeling stuck or without options other than termination or throwing hands up in the air and living with it. But there is a method to help employees learn necessary skills — a method called New Ways for Work: Personal Skills for Productive Relationships. In this episode, Bi...

In high conflict divorce, accusations of parental alienation are common and cause tremendous distress for everyone involved, including the courts. But is it truly alienation? Or is it estrangement? What’s the difference? It’s important to understand the difference. In this episode, Megan quizzes Bill on the similarities and differences and Bill talks about the theories he’s developed and written a...

Interactions with someone with a high conflict personality often become contentious and you may eventually get upset, storm off, or simply feel inadequate. We’re often left wondering why our best skills don’t work in these interactions.  A primary reason for this is because we often respond in a way that doesn’t work — our own defaults that work well with most people.  There are 4 Fuhgedaboudits i...

People with high conflict personalities have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happen over and over again in many different situations with many different people.  The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person ap...

Interactions and life with someone with a high conflict personality can be trying. Some will keep trying until they’re completely burned out while others give up quickly.  How can you know when to stop trying? Is it when you find yourself in depression? Banging your head on the wall out of frustration? Over-reacting outside your norm? When you feel like giving up, giving in, or lashing out? In thi...

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion.  This is the second of a two-part episode with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker in our new High Conflict Divorce series, in which we interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world – attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researcher...

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion.  This is the first episode in our new High Conflict Divorce series in which we will interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world — attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators, and those within the...

REBROADCAST Domestic Violence Megan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part one of this conversation. Links & Other Notes THE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODE Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts BIOS Bios for Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Honorable Karen Adam, and Annette Burns, J.D. DOMESTIC V...

REBROADCAST In today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses. What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter...

REBROADCAST The challenge of being emotional creatures Did you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked. In this episode we’ll break down emotion contagion. If you’re a brain nerd like us, or you simply want to have a b...

REBROADCAST Family members (and friends) of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) are typically mystified about how to interact with them, walk on eggshells around them, and generally feel overwhelmed and defeated because they don’t know what to do. In this episode, Bill and Megan continue their discussion with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. A...

REBROADCAST When an HCP is a Narcissist... Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And o...

REBROADCAST In today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements. Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how...

Personality disorders are widespread but not always seen as a mental disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association indicates that over 10% of adults have such a disorder, based on studies from several countries. These are huge numbers, yet few people know much about personality disorders and many do not see them as a mental di...

If you aren’t sure whether you’ve met a narcissist, think back to an interaction in which you went away feeling small, inadequate or even insecure. It’s possible that you may have been around someone with a narcissistic personality. They are often puffed up about themselves and get triggered when they aren’t getting the attention they think they deserve... or are entitled to. Then they go into act...