It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Mediating high conflict disputes requires a shift from many standard mediation approaches. When one or more of the parties has a high conflict personality, the process should have more structure and focus away from common mediation topics, such as emotions, the past, and interests, and instead focus more strictly on problem-solving. By having the clients participate more actively in the process –...

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority.  It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality d...

Some relationships with high conflict people reach a point where the only one getting frustrated and hurt is YOU.  It is okay to walk away? Are some relationships so damaging that staying in them is damaging to you? Will the guilt draw you back under their spell? Will it trigger abandonment, inferiority, or other issues in the person with a high conflict personality, and possibly backfire on you? ...

It’s not unusual that high conflict people demand an apology from a reasonable person who has attempted to set limits on them, such as a supervisor in a workplace dispute or someone in a neighbor dispute.  While apologies resolve many disputes between reasonable people, they are a much different matter with HCPs and usually need to be avoided. However, don’t be surprised that high conflict people...

What do you do when a community resident or homeowner calls with complaints as consistently as the sun rises and sets? Some are chronic complainers but easily handled with some attention and/or humor. But what if you have a persistent complainer who watches the neighbors like a hawk and insists that all homeowners follow HOA regulations to the letter of the law? And complains to HOA management wit...

While We Wait on the Court’s Decision... New information regarding the alleged child abuse from the father has come to light, causing the judge to delay his order enforcing the father’s custody of Ty and Brynlee Larson. While we wait on the results, we return to our episode from earlier this year to discuss the ins and outs of the case while we’re still on our hiatus. Alienation in Utah High-confl...

While on hiatus, we’re re-releasing some of our past episodes. This week, we’re finishing to our 2-part conversation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker about high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion.  In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and...

While on hiatus, we’re re-releasing some of our past episodes. To start, we’re returning to our 2-part conversation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker about high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion.  We talk with renowned parental alienation expert Dr. Amy J.L. Baker...

Bill and Megan are off to Scotland to talk about their New Ways for Families Program. Scotland will be the first country that implements the High Conflict Institute’s program countrywide, which is very exciting. In this abbreviated episode, Bill walks through the program’s approach and its methods. Links & Other Notes Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Submit a Question for Bi...

In some high conflict cases, we may have reached the end of our rope and resort to what we see as our only option: threatening to expose the high conflict person’s bad behavior to others. Will this work or will it backfire? In today’s episode, Megan and Bill discuss this delicate and challenging topic, including: Does exposure of bad behavior work? Does the threat of exposure have a chance of succ...

The definition of a “win” is different in high conflict situations as opposed to ordinary conflict. Not recognizing that a win looks quite different can inadvertently escalate conflict or take a few steps backwards.  In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about: defining what it means to “win” in high conflict do you need to reach an expected outcome to have success temptation to keep going when...

Who can you trust with national security documents? An article by Tom Nicholas in The Atlantic titled The Narcissists Who Endanger America points the finger at narcissists as those who are the hardest for the U.S. national security community to spot.  Why are they hard to spot? How can you know in advance? In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss this difficult topic that impacts countries globa...

Alienation in Utah High-conflict situations often include extreme behaviors and the case we’ll discuss in this episode is a perfect example of extreme behaviors.  In the U.S. state of Utah, a 15-year-old boy released a TikTok video detailing his family’s high-conflict drama. According to the video, he had barricaded himself along with his 12-year-old sister inside a room at their mother’s house in...

In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on a variety of high-conflict topics, including: “How does one handle it when your HR professional is an HCP?” “Can lawyers sometimes use EAR Statements and other HCP communication techniques in a patronizing, stigmatizing, diagnosing way? Instead of using genuine empathy?” “I was wondering if you have ever considered doing a podcast about HCP...

More Listener Questions! In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on high-conflict topics that matter to you, including: How do you stop a high conflict person from calling state authorities on you? No prosecutor will charge my ex with filing a false police report. I'm already suing in civil court for damages, but this outcome will take years to conclude and she's still making threats...

In this episode, Bill and Megan continue answering listener questions: “I am a family mediator. My practice focuses on keeping people out of court and helping them navigate their divorce in mediation. In my experience, high conflict personalities do NOT do well in this kind of mediation. It’s as if they “need” the authority of a lawyer or even a judge to bring their expectations and demands into t...

In this episode Megan and Bill answer listener questions: “I'm going through a high conflict custody case with someone who it would appear has some form of Narcissistic High Conflict Personality. I was wondering if you could point me in a useful direction regarding how to help my toddler through this really terrible custody battle and beyond.” “I really struggle to know how to handle situations wh...

Alex Murdaugh conned a lot of people in his rural community, in his professional circles, and even within his family. He gained the confidence of those around him with his lies, charm, influence, and financial status. Sadly, many were impacted, including the most vulnerable – his clients. In this episode, Megan and Bill discuss how Alex conned and how to avoid being conned. They cover: Alex’s conn...

The Alex Murdaugh murder case has captivated people in the U.S. and around the globe. Technology allowed us to see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears the actions and voice of a man with a family and legal dynasty before and during his double murder trial for killing his wife, Maggie, and son Paul. Is Alex Murdaugh a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, or did he have antisocial personality...

One of the cornerstones of successful management of high conflict interactions is connection. In fact, it is the “C” in the CARS Method ® —a set of principles for managing high conflict disputes and interactions. In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about this exceedingly important principle of connection, including: why connection is foundational to successful interactions with high conflict p...

Workplace investigations. If you’ve been through one, it may have been easily worked out with assistance from the professionals involved or it may have been a nightmare if someone with a high conflict personality was involved. Whether you are an employee, a manager, in human resources, or a workplace investigator, you will want to listen in as two workplace investigators discuss high conflict inve...

Divorce is hard and often confusing with bits of information online, in books and other sources, which can be helpful but also confusing. Journalist and radio host Ilyssa Panitz, THE Divorce Journalist, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to discuss her divorce radio show, how it began and why it is so helpful to both people experiencing divorce first-hand and for professionals too. She also has...

Mediating high conflict disputes requires a shift from many standard mediation approaches. When one or more of the parties has a high conflict personality, the process should have more structure and focus away from common mediation topics, such as emotions, the past, and interests, and instead focus more strictly on problem-solving. By having the clients participate more actively in the process –...

Is it possible to change family law in an entire country? Change that results in improvements for families, and especially for children? In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with family law attorney, Michal Fein, of Tel Aviv, Israel, about a law she wrote to address some problematic issues in Israel’s family law system—the Family Disputes Settlement Law. They will discuss: what prompted the cha...

One of the hardest decisions when divorcing a high-conflict spouse is how and when to tell that person that you want a divorce. How will the person react? Will I be in danger? Will my life become a worse hell? In this episode, Megan and Bill discuss this extremely relevant and important topic, starting with a question from a listener. They will discuss: What should you do if your partner doesn’t k...