Intentional Living with Tanya Hale

Perfectionism can seem like a worthy thing to work towards, but the truth is, it actually keeps us from creating and becoming our true selves. It holds us back from true connection and intimacy and dulls and cheapens our life experience. In this episode, my good friend, Cathi Sessions, LCSW, and I discuss how perfectionism has impacted our lives and she shares are really amazing dream about her ow...

Vulnerability and validation work together in our relationships to create intimacy and connection. When both people in a partnership are willing to step into both, we can create something magical. When one in the partnership is unwilling or unable to engage in either, it definitely creates a problem, but we can learn to have our own backs when we show up vulnerable and validate our own engagement....

Sometimes we get these expectations around the holidays, and we think that this should be such a magical time and that no one should get grumpy or annoyed. We might believe we should feel the joy and peace of Christmas in abundance and all the regular challenges of life should just melt away under the warmth of the Season. But the truth is, whether it's Christmas or not, life still offers us up an...

Many of us grew up hearing about the bucket analogy, an we were taught to believe that we could fill other people's buckets by complimenting them or telling them great things about themselves. In this podcast I propose that we can't fill anyone else's bucket. That filling our bucket is a job that only we can do, and when we expect others to fill our bucket, it only leads to the destruction of our...

Creating a partnership in our marriages was the goal when we got married, and yet many of us over the years, end up retreating into a paper marriage, a place where we live in the same space, but we do so as roommates, people who aren't connected. The goal of marriage isn't just to share a house and a washing machine, it's to connect emotionally, to learn how to love another person in a selfless an...

When Christ informed his disciples that one of them would betray them, their response was, 'Is it I, Lord?' When I'm confronted with something that I did wrong or an accusation, most often my immediate response is, 'What are you talking about? I didn't mess that up! How could you accuse me of such a thing?!?' Hmmm. Very telling. I'm obviously not disciple worthy yet! However, I can work on develop...

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and I explored the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, particularly focusing on how societal and religious expectations impact LDS women's understanding and expression of sexuality. Jennifer teaches us about three stages of spiritual and sexual development, including how individuals progress from Stage 1's black-and-white morality to Stage 3's i...

All of us are familiar with the feeling a resentment, the angst that comes from feeling anger, frustration, or envy about how someone else is showing up and we think we're being taken advantage of or that things are unfair or that we don't deserve that treatment. And yet, remembering that resentment is not caused by someone else's behavior, but rather, by our own thoughts, helps us step into respo...

Sometimes, forgiving ourselves can be really hard. And not only the process, but also the long-lasting repercussions of not being able to accept our human flaws and move forward, to let go of a painful past and move forward with more hope and light. In this episode we are talking about how to forgive ourselves and what to do when the other person doesn't forgive you. Thanks for listening!  Want to...

Learning to live in relationship is a skill, and one that many of us have not learned, let alone even considered. But to have the intimate, connected relationships we innately crave, it is imperative we learn to move into 'we' thinking, considering our spouse and our relationship just as much as we consider ourselves. When we can deeply desire our spouse's happiness and fulfillment just as much as...

In the last episode we talked about a huge list of mental and emotional behaviors.  In this podcast, we're going to talk about the antidote for these behaviors, which is charity. This amazing piece of Christ-like love will rid us of those dysfunctional relationship disconnectors and instead deepen and strengthen and connect our relationships.  Charity helps us engage in healthy behaviors that will...

Who knew that there were so many ways we could engage in mental and emotional abusive behaviors.  Because so much of what we do has been modeled after behavior we experienced growing up, we often don't see the hurt and dysfunction in those behaviors. Educating ourselves on healthier behaviors is vital for our growth and progress. Because when we know better, we do better, right?  In this podcast w...

Psychological boundaries are internal boundaries that we set with ourselves, inside of our own heads. They allow us to decide what ideas, thoughts, or beliefs we want to accept and which ones we don't.  We will receive a lot of messaging about who we are and how we are and we get to decide which of those messages is okay and which are not okay. Having good psychological boundaries with ourselves i...

Setting boundaries in our most cherished relationships can be hard not just because we're often doing something that may be new and requires courage, but because many of us feel so much guilt when our boundary is not received with glowing accolades but rather with pushback and frustration and even anger. And that guilt comes from two places – ourselves and others. Learning to manage our thoughts t...

When Lisa first found my podcast over three years ago, she was in a tough place: struggling with divorce, her relationships with her adult children and their spouses, and feelings of her own worth. Once she started listening consistently and figuring out how to start applying the concepts, she was hooked. She began taking classes and even worked one-on-one with me, and now, as one of her children...

Who knew that a lack of boundaries could cause so many emotional and mental struggles in our lives? Today I'm sharing with you an article adaptation from Dr. Henry Cloud's book Becoming an Adult: Advice on Taking Control & Living a Happy, Meaningful Life .  Dr. Cloud is one of the co-authors of the Boundaries books, and he shared 22 symptoms that we can experience when we don't set appropriate bou...

Learning to live our lives with intention is a powerful way to begin to create the lives we truly want. And it is going to push the boundaries of your comfort zone when you step into intentionality. But only when we decide what we really want in life and choose to intentionally move toward it will we find the fulfillment and contentment that is available with a life well lived. What can you do to...

Many of us have parts of our lives where we want to grow and progress, things we want to do that we haven't done before, and yet, we hesitate and don't move forward because it can be so uncomfortable to do something new, to step into change. I call this the certainty of misery. We're not happy with where we are, but at least it's comfortable, we're certain how our life will be from day to day. If...

Having a strong sense of self is the key fundamental tool to creating strong relationships. Only when we have a sense of belonging to ourselves, a sense of our worth and value, of our inherent goodness even amidst our flaws and weaknesses, can we show up in the relationship circle as an equal partner. The stronger our sense of self, the greater our capacity for emotional, mental, and sexual connec...

When we feel safe in our relationships, we feel we can show up with more vulnerability.  When we show up with more vulnerability, we create more emotional and physical intimacy.  But oftentimes, the behaviors we are engaging in in our relationships put the other person into protective mode rather than feeling safe, and so we struggle to create the connected relationships we really desire.  In this...

A strong, healthy relationship is one in which we create a very safe place for each person to be 100% themselves. So many of us did not learn growing up what it means to be in a relationship this way.  If you're like me, you thought that growing up and getting married would mean that you would have someone to love you, to shore up your insecurities, to validate you, or to agree with your opinions....

Being able to validate your relationship is an important tool in creating a healthier space for the two of you to live and love. Validation is something that we often seek from others to shore up our sense of self. And this never really works, because SELF-worth is something that can only be created within ourselves. Validation in our marriages and relationships, however, is vital. It lets the oth...

The Relationship Circle is a concept that I keep coming back to again and again with my clients. Understanding the relationship circle helps us stay in our own lanes and resist the temptation to try and take control of things that aren't ours to control.  When we more clearly understand how to allow the other person the space to work through their own struggles and challenges and show up empatheti...

Conflict is a word that makes many of us squirm – it's just so darn uncomfortable! And yet, conflict doesn't always need to lead to contention. What if you had the skills to turn a conflict into deeper connection and intimacy instead? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #110 The Cost of Being Right #156 The Benefits of Bein...

When humans act like humans, it can sure make our lives difficult. Of course it would be easier if they all just did what we wanted and behaved in ways we thought were appropriate, but that's just not going to happen. Challenges and difficulties in our relationships are inevitable and a normal part of all relationships. Learning to allow and even embrace these elements of our relationships is a va...