IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

"Send Ben a text" We Are Designed To Follow Patterns Our brain is designed to identify and create patterns. We do this in an effort to conserve energy, increase our chances of survival, and make life easier. This isn't a bad thing. So many of the things that we do are based on patterns that we've picked up. Many of these patterns help us be healthy, productive, and happy humans...

"Send Ben a text" What are Habitual Beliefs? Habitual beliefs are beliefs that are simply habits. If you're like most people, you think and believe them without even realizing it. Just like most other habits, you've thought and believed these beliefs so many times that they come completely natural to you and it all happens unconsciously.  Most people believe their habitual thou...

"Send Ben a text" 100% Responsibility = Power We live in a world that often refuses to be responsible and to take responsibility.  As a result, it's common to blame others.  Lately, in my own life, I've been extra aware of the blaming that takes place around me, especially when I'm guilty of doing the blaming.  I've noticed two things over and over, . . .  #1 Blaming...

"Send Ben a text" What are Values?  Values are your beliefs about what is and is not important. Values are our principles, standards, and priorities.  Values are deep-seated beliefs and ways of thinking that motivate and drive our actions.  Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors, such...

"Send Ben a text" When you judge your teens, you disconnect with them.  “When I pull back and look at the big picture, does it matter if my kid sleeps all day? (. . .) In the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.” ~ Marika Humphreys "It was helpful to question and really let go of my expectations of what I thought my kid should be doing, and that was the gateway towar...

"Send Ben a text" The Myth of Parenting on The Same Page  The myth of parenting on the same page is that it will "fix" all of your problems in your relationship and with your teens.  The myth is that when you parent on the same page, you will magically agree with everything that your spouse does. Or even better yet, they will magically agree with everything that you do.  The Pr...

"Send Ben a text" “Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you're feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.”  ~ Abdallah Abdallah Was Committed Because He Invested in Himself Abdallah's mom invited Abdallah to invest in himself and his future.  It's painful to part with $500, but he trus...

"Send Ben a text" Times I've Tried to Change From the Outside In.  I've got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in.  Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son's basketball tournament, I...

"Send Ben a text" What Tough Parenting Moments DO & DON'T Mean  Becoming a Professional Parent  No one shames professional athletes for working to improve themselves. We actually respect them for their dedication and hard work.  Don't let others hold you back because of their thoughts or their shame. You can improve as a parent with dedication and hard work.  I Should vs I...

"Send Ben a text" Transformation VS Improvement.  Improvement focuses on better whereas transformation focuses on different.  Usually, improvement is focused on the perceived problems, and simply improving how we respond to the problem.  Transformation on the other hand is focused on the vision of what could be and becoming the vision.  There is a time a place for both transformation and...

"Send Ben a text" "It's not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us."  ~ Rachel Wolchin #3 Catastrophizing!  This is one of my all-time favorites. Some people have accused me of making this word up, but it's a real word with a real definition.  catastrophize : to imagine the worst possible outcome of an action or event : to think about a situatio...

"Send Ben a text" Angie is a mom of 4 and wanted to get coaching to be more intentional with her parenting.  She realized that she was doing a lot of parenting out of either shame or fear. She was worried about what others thought about her and her parenting. This lead to her parenting in an attempt to please others that wasn't actually aligned with her values.  I wanted to share wi...

"Send Ben a text" YOU Can Be The Change You Want To See! I know I always say this, but it's still true! You CAN be the change that you want to see in your teen.  Lately, I've done a lot of relationship coaching on with one spouse or another about their relationship with their spouse, or with a mother-in-law, or with a parent. I use the same rules to coach them on these relation...

"Send Ben a text" "Can You Fix Us?" We were hoping that you could fix us and our parenting, change our parenting, and fix our teen.  There's no magical fix. You actually have to do the work.  I CAN BE THE CHANGE!  Defining Your Role as a Parent Having the vision of "Who do I want to be as a parent?", will empower you as a parent. When you set your intention, you...

"Send Ben a text" Human Beings are Herd Animals This is not a bad thing. We have evolved this way. It has kept us alive as a species.  The problem is that most people aren't' aware of their herd mentality and the impact that it has on their lives and how they parent.  Some examples of herd thinking, feeling, and actions are religion, politics, and sports. There's nothing w...

"Send Ben a text" Procrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave.  5 Myths About Procrastinating Teens Myth #1 My Teen is Lazy .  Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character Flaw Myth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life   Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a Procrastinator Myth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem 5 Truths About Procras...

"Send Ben a text" "External events should not affect how you feel."  ~ Louis  Wheel of Life This is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It's 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong. When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things...

"Send Ben a text" Why do Teens Procrastinate? First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe.  A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm.  Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is...

"Send Ben a text" What is the Honeymoon Phase? This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you.  Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent.  One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of fost...

"Send Ben a text" Awareness Changes EVERYTHING! Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness.  I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes.  Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change.  Intentionality is the Next Step. It's powerful to be aware of...

"Send Ben a text" Awareness Changes EVERYTHING! Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"? This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change.  Often times we think we can simply c...

"Send Ben a text" Your Brain is Like Google Your brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence.  Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside. Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are.  The...

"Send Ben a text" Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs! "Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for ' calm ' — chaos is contagious , panic is contagious , stupid 100% is contagious , [ . . ] "So we like ' calm ' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand." ~ Former Navy SEAL...

"Send Ben a text" What is blaming? First of all, blaming is part of being human!  As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it.  Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else.  We live in a day and age when blaming...

"Send Ben a text" What is Manipulation? Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness.  Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad.  What is People-Pleasing? People-Pleasing is when w...