IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

"Send Ben a text" The Biggest Mistake I get it! Everyone wants a happy thriving family.  But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves.  The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life.  The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life.  Stop trying to fix everyone arou...

"Send Ben a text" You're Not Committed Have you ever heard the quote, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time,.” by Clayton Christensen? This is the principle of commitment. It's easier to be 100% committed than 98% committed.  If you're struggling to commit, to be committed, work on being committed m...

"Send Ben a text" #1 You're Not Happy With Yourself As A Parent This one is huge. Recently I've had a bunch of parents tell me that they're just not happy as a parent. They feel like they could and should be doing more. They feel like they're failing, and they are miserable.  Okay, maybe miserable is a stretch, but they're not happy.  There are lots of things tha...

"Send Ben a text" You Don't Have To Be the Victim to Stress Seems like lately I've seen a lot of posts about stress and anxiety being terrible and traumatic. Stress gets this terrible wrap, and it seems like most posts talk about the stress response simply being the 4 "F's": Fight, Flight, Freeze, or  Fawn But these posts completely ignore all of the other possib...

"Send Ben a text" Distractions 101 It's human nature to be easily distracted. In fact, distractions aren't necessarily all that bad. It reminds me of this dumb game that my kids play. They pretend to punch each other in the face, and if the other child flinches, the first child says, "two for flinching" and slugs them in the shoulder twice. Flinching isn't bad. I...

"Send Ben a text" Regulating Emotions It's important for teens to learn how to regulate their emotions.  Teens have the power to regulate. Teens Need Their Privacy when Getting Coached There's no right or wrong way to coach.  It's important to give teens privacy and let them be vulnerable.  Teen Work Benefit from Working On What They Want To Work On Teens need the freedom...

"Send Ben a text" Why Do Family Meetings? Increased communication Plan Activities Address Problems Give Family Members a Voice Model/Teach Leadership and Communication Skills Get people on the same team Common Mistakes Not respecting the opinions, thoughts, views, and values of others, Trying to change others. Lecturing/Arguing Not having a clear purpose Giving away your power Recommende...

"Send Ben a text" What Is Bravery? Bravery is facing your fear.  Bravery is a choice.  The world would have you believe that bravery means the absence fear, but I believe bravery is facing your fear and BEing intentional.  Like, brave people don't experience fear, but this isn't true.  Brave people experience fear, just like you, but they have mastered the skill of BEing intent...

"Send Ben a text" Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health.  I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this. I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other.  If you want to strengthen one, you'll have to strengthen the other.  If you strength...

"Send Ben a text" You Are The Most Powerful Agent Of Change This might come as a surprise to you, but you are the most powerful agent of change for your family. You are a hero! You have the power to change EVERYTHING in your family, just by changing yourself.  If you are listening to the podcast, you are probably looking for growth and some kind of change in your family, your parenting,...

"Send Ben a text" What is Neurocontrast and Neurodivergent? Neurodivergent is the opposite of neurotypical, often adhd, odd, dyslexia a diagnosis of some type.  Neurocontrast is a little more inclusive. Everyone's brain is different.  Learning is Learning, and Your Teen IS Learning Everyone's brain develops differently. We learn at different speeds. We learn different things at...

"Send Ben a text" Common Mistakes When Setting Boundaries I'm not trying to judge you or how you set boundaries. I'm just trying to share some of the common pitfalls that I've noticed parents often make when trying to set boundaries.  Usually, the only reason I would call it a "mistake" is that it doesn't create the results that they are looking for.  MISTAK...

"Send Ben a text" Sorry for the short show notes again, but I'm still recovering from Covid-19 and I didn't plan this episode ahead of time. Stefanie, Real Life Parent from FFP The Firmly Founded Parent teaches things that are different than what the world would have you believe. The world would teach you that "It's your job to control your teen," but we teach th...

"Send Ben a text" Sorry for the shortest show notes ever, but I've got Covid-19 and a killer headache. What You CAN and CAN NOT Control It's not your job to ensure your child's safety, happiness, or success.  This is hard when it comes to self-harm and suicide. We tend to think that we need to protect our children. At the end of the day, we can only do what is within our c...

"Send Ben a text" Imperfection Is Part of Being Human One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being "better." If you're like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being "better." Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay so...

"Send Ben a text" No Matter What I Do, My Teen Won't Change One of the things that I hear a lot is, "We've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing we do works." To which I usually ask, "How do you know nothing is working?" And the parents typically replay, "My teen won't change." If you've ever thought that "nothing is working" when it co...

"Send Ben a text" Parenting From Fear Parenting from fear is common for parents, and it's a symptom of focusing on things outside of your control. When we do this, we typically catastrophize and see all the things that could go wrong. Theresa was afraid that her teen would be arrested. She was worried that he'd be behind bars and "ruin" his life. This caused Theresa t...

"Send Ben a text" Awareness, Acceptance, and Intentionality Have you ever been dissatisfied and launched into action to try to fix it? I'm going on a diet. I'm starting an exercise program. I'm getting a new job. I'm getting a coach. These are all examples of launching into DOING new or more or different things.  The problem is, if you haven't gained awareness an...

"Send Ben a text" The World Thinks We Need To Better Love OTHERS It seems like there's a lot of talk of loving one another or simply loving others, but I believe it starts with your ability to love yourself. Most People Ignore Their Self Love If you don't love yourself, it makes it hard to love others.  Most people completely ignore their own self-love and focus on whether or n...

"Send Ben a text" What holds Parents Back? DOing things "Right." There's no right or wrong way from parenting. SO many different ways.  "I'm going to try this . . . " Trust that you are doing things exactly how they should be. Being afraid of doing it wrong will paralyze you. This leads to disappointment and regret.  The "Wrong Way" Can Totally Be...

"Send Ben a text" Day 1 The Origin of The Hero Day one was the scariest day for me.  I've spoken in public many times, but this time was different, it was in front of hundreds of teenagers.  At most, we probably only spoke to about 200-250 students at a time, but that's a lot of teens.  The goal was to share a message that was fun and entertaining, yet educational and motivatin...

"Send Ben a text" Most People Move Away From Fear It's natural as human beings to want to move away from fear.  Fear is usually uncomfortable, and most humans try to move away from and avoid discomfort.  In the past, moving away from fear served us very well, both as a species and also individually.  As a species, moving away from scary animals and circumstances helped keep our spec...

"Send Ben a text" Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them! If you're like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen.  Me too! In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens.  The problem is, . . . . . . If you're like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . .  . . . BUT, your teen...

"Send Ben a text" Humans NEED Connection Being connected a fundamental human need.  One of the struggles that we've been facing over the years in education is a lack of connection. One of the struggles that I believe is facing families is a lack of connection. And, I believe that we are starting to see the consequences.  Schools are focusing more and more on academics and results. C...

"Send Ben a text" Nothing Has Gone Wrong, Even When Your Team Loses! The idea for this episode came to me while I was watching a bowl game with my wife.  Pitt and Michigan State were playing.  Pitt was winning most of the second half and it looked like they'd cruise on to victory pretty easily, but with less than 3 minutes left, everything changed.  Michigan State drove down and sco...