IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

"Send Ben a text" Imperfection Is Part of Being Human One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being "better." If you're like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being "better." Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay so...

"Send Ben a text" No Matter What I Do, My Teen Won't Change One of the things that I hear a lot is, "We've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing we do works." To which I usually ask, "How do you know nothing is working?" And the parents typically replay, "My teen won't change." If you've ever thought that "nothing is working" when it co...

"Send Ben a text" Parenting From Fear Parenting from fear is common for parents, and it's a symptom of focusing on things outside of your control. When we do this, we typically catastrophize and see all the things that could go wrong. Theresa was afraid that her teen would be arrested. She was worried that he'd be behind bars and "ruin" his life. This caused Theresa t...

"Send Ben a text" Awareness, Acceptance, and Intentionality Have you ever been dissatisfied and launched into action to try to fix it? I'm going on a diet. I'm starting an exercise program. I'm getting a new job. I'm getting a coach. These are all examples of launching into DOING new or more or different things.  The problem is, if you haven't gained awareness an...

"Send Ben a text" The World Thinks We Need To Better Love OTHERS It seems like there's a lot of talk of loving one another or simply loving others, but I believe it starts with your ability to love yourself. Most People Ignore Their Self Love If you don't love yourself, it makes it hard to love others.  Most people completely ignore their own self-love and focus on whether or n...

"Send Ben a text" What holds Parents Back? DOing things "Right." There's no right or wrong way from parenting. SO many different ways.  "I'm going to try this . . . " Trust that you are doing things exactly how they should be. Being afraid of doing it wrong will paralyze you. This leads to disappointment and regret.  The "Wrong Way" Can Totally Be...

"Send Ben a text" Day 1 The Origin of The Hero Day one was the scariest day for me.  I've spoken in public many times, but this time was different, it was in front of hundreds of teenagers.  At most, we probably only spoke to about 200-250 students at a time, but that's a lot of teens.  The goal was to share a message that was fun and entertaining, yet educational and motivatin...

"Send Ben a text" Most People Move Away From Fear It's natural as human beings to want to move away from fear.  Fear is usually uncomfortable, and most humans try to move away from and avoid discomfort.  In the past, moving away from fear served us very well, both as a species and also individually.  As a species, moving away from scary animals and circumstances helped keep our spec...

"Send Ben a text" Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them! If you're like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen.  Me too! In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens.  The problem is, . . . . . . If you're like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . .  . . . BUT, your teen...

"Send Ben a text" Humans NEED Connection Being connected a fundamental human need.  One of the struggles that we've been facing over the years in education is a lack of connection. One of the struggles that I believe is facing families is a lack of connection. And, I believe that we are starting to see the consequences.  Schools are focusing more and more on academics and results. C...

"Send Ben a text" Nothing Has Gone Wrong, Even When Your Team Loses! The idea for this episode came to me while I was watching a bowl game with my wife.  Pitt and Michigan State were playing.  Pitt was winning most of the second half and it looked like they'd cruise on to victory pretty easily, but with less than 3 minutes left, everything changed.  Michigan State drove down and sco...

"Send Ben a text" Daily Habits for Parenting Success Set Your Intention Each Day Last thing before you go to bed, set your intention for the following day.  First thing when you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of and commit to your intention. Here's some examples from my life. Today I will listen with curiosity, patience, and love. Today I will be fun, energetic, and engaged...

"Send Ben a text" Why Is Trust Important To Me? One of the reasons that I've chosen "TRUST" as my word of 2022 is because I often catch myself not trusting myself and others.  One of the things that I've found is that the more I trust myself, the more my business grows.  Another thing I've found is that the more I trust others, the better I feel.  I would rather...

"Send Ben a text" Don't Try To Force The Model On Your Teen One of the most powerful tools that I teach is the Self-Coaching Model!  When I teach it to parents they love it and say it makes total sense. Usually when I teach it to teens the model they love it. But, I've noticed a trend with teens whose parents are coaches or who have coaches.  Oftentimes, these teens tell me, &q...

"Send Ben a text" What's a "Tough" Parenting Moment? Bottom line is, whether or not a parenting moment is " TOUGH" or not is based on your thoughts about the moment.  Tough parenting moments can be anything from a fight with your teen, to broken rules, to letting go and letting your teen make their own mistakes.  If you're like most parents, you've expe...

"Send Ben a text" It's Common to Think Your Not Good Enough We have 60,000 thoughts each day. 85% of those thoughts are negative. 95% of those thoughts are habitual thoughts.  It's okay!  This is part of being human.  You do though, have the power to retrain your brain and develop new thought patterns.  It's natural to think that you are not good enough, but I promise you...

"Send Ben a text" Boundaries Aren't Meant to Control Anyone One of the biggest mistakes I see parents making when it comes to boundaries is when they make a boundary hoping that it will change their teen's behavior.  Anytime you are hoping to change your teen's behavior, that is more of a manual or manipulation than it is a boundary.  Boundaries aren't meant to contro...

"Send Ben a text" Discomfort Sparks Growth Most people who sign up for coaching with me do it because they are experiencing discomfort of some kind.  They want to change something so that they can feel better.  Discomfort isn't a problem, it's just part of the human experience. Discomfort helps us know when something is wrong. Discomfort helps us know that it's time to mak...

"Send Ben a text" Why is Sleep So Important? Sleep is SUPER Important, and yet it's often one of the first things to sacrifice when you're busy or ignore when you're busy.  A lack of sleep has been linked to several physical, mental, and emotional problems.  One of the things that teens that I work with have told me is that they started to feel better when they started sle...

"Send Ben a text" "I Feel Like I'm Losing Control!"  One of the things that I hear the most from parents is, . . .  . . . "I feel like I'm losing control!" The next thing they tell me is, . . . . . . "I don't know what to do!" If you're like most parents, you've probably experienced this before and felt completely out of control and...

"Send Ben a text" Put On YOUR Oxygen Mask FIRST! If you're like most parents, you've been guilty of putting everybody else's needs above your own.  If you're like most parents, you've probably bragged about some of the sacrifices that you've made for your children.  Sacrificing for your loved ones isn't the problem.  The problem is when you take care of...

"Send Ben a text" I Love November!  I love Halloween, which is the day before November.  I love Thanksgiving, and I love when my birthday falls on Thanksgiving.  I love the fall, the leaves, the cool/changing weather, and I love everything about November.  And, I especially love the focus and extra push when it comes to gratitude, appreciation, and giving thanks.  The Power Of Gratitude ...

"Send Ben a text" If You Want to Stop Yelling At Your Teen, Stop Yelling at YOURSELF!  Okay, so this might be a stretch. You probably don't "yell" at yourself out loud, but be honest, how do you speak to yourself on the inside? How often do you "yell" at yourself in your head?  How often do you tell yourself that you're "not good enough", or that y...

"Send Ben a text" Grades Aren't As Important As We've Been Taught When I was getting close to graduating high school, I was told that I wouldn't be able to go to college due to my poor high school GPA (2.0 something) and my poor ACT score (17). For years leading up to my graduation, I was told that I would have to improve my grades if I ever wanted a job other than digging...

"Send Ben a text" Parenting is Hard, and That's Okay! First off, . . .  Go listen to this podcast.  This post will not do it justice! I don't plan out my interviews, so it's I also don't write as detailed a post on my interviews. And, YES, . . .  Parenting can be hard.  I love how Tara mentioned that God gives us hard things to do to help up depend on him. Anytime I&a...