Hops and Box Office Flops

Alien 3 is a massive disappointment. After the insane action masterpiece that was Aliens, expectations were high for how Ellen Ripley's story would progress. Sadly, Fox, the studio behind the beloved franchise, didn't seem to have any ideas. Multiple scripts came and went, as did directors. Ultimately, the project fell to David Fincher. If you told that to someone now, the excitement would be palp...

Damned River  chronicles a group of friends' harrowing trip down the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe. Their guide, Ray, an unhinged madman and former mercenary (?), is at odds with other local rafters. Thus, as the begin their trek, Ray slowly descends into madness.  The premise isn't exactly novel, but it isn't bad either. The issues with Damned River all come down to execution. The acting is over the...

Drop Zone , like a lot of mediocre 90s action movies, puts a spin on a successful formula established in a much better film. In this case, it's 1991's Point Break. Substituting skydiving for surfing and Wesley Snipes for Keanu Reeves, Drop Zone attempts to be edgy and hip like its inspiration, but mostly free falls in trying. That's not to say that there aren't elements of it to be appreciated. Th...

Rollerball  (2002) is one of the worst movies any of us have ever seen; and that is saying something. Directed by John McTiernan—who always seems to appear on our pod, despite directing some of our favorite films—Rollerball was a remake of a 1975 film starring James Caan. The 2002 version retains none of what made that movie work. It's social criticisms are half-baked, the actual Rollerball scenes...

Airborne is rad. That fact can't be denied, even if rollerblading isn't as cool as it was in 1993. That said, Airborne is also very 90s; and if you didn't grow up during that decade, the tubular nature of the film will probably escape you. Anyway, Airborne centers around a hip California kid, who gets shipped off to Cincinnati, Ohio, to live with his relatives for six months. Mitchell Goosen is a...

Moonfall —written and directed by the master of "Disaster Movies" Roland Emmerich—is, quite ironically, a disaster of a movie. Essentially, in Moonfall, the Moon is on a crash course with earth because malevolent artificial intelligence (AI) has knocked it off its axis. Oh, and the moon is actually a megastructure that was created by an ancient population in the far distant past. That society buil...

Three Thousand Years of Longing  is George Miller's much anticipated return to cinemas. Post Mad Max: Fury Road, expectations were high for his next project. Sadly, Three Thousand Years of Longing can't live up to the lofty expectations of its filmmaker's predecessor. It's not a bad movie by any means; but its tale of a lonely woman finding love and purpose through an ancient Djinn isn't exactly c...

The Northman  is a wild, Viking fever dream. So, if you're a fan of their mythology and lore, you will probably love it. If not, then The Northman is a tough one to recommend. It is loaded with weird imagery and historical Viking rituals that will make little to no sense if you're not familiar with them. Hence, it's disappointing box office return. It grossed just $69.6 million on a budget of $90...

Black Adam  was supposed to change the hierarchy of the DC Universe. Instead, it tanked with critics and couldn't conjure enough magic at the box office to earn a sequel. Thus, it appears the Rock's long awaited appearance as the anti-hero is a one and done. Frankly, that kind of sucks because Black Adam is an entertaining movie. It's a flawed one, to be sure, but watching the titular hero mow dow...

The  Wizard is a needlessly dark road trip movie about a young boy trying to find closure after the death of his twin sister. The rest of the movie doesn't seem to understand that because that portion of the plot was written at the last minute, so it plays much more like a kids version of Rain Man, where the older brother exploits his younger, video game master brother for his own financial gain....

Mars Attacks ! is based upon a series of Topps trading cards released in the early 1960s. And it certainly pays homage to its inspiration. Unfortunately, its also a narrative mess that fails to get the most out of its stacked cast. Mars Attacks! features an all-star lineup. It's got Jack Nicholson in two roles, Jim Brown, Joe Don Baker, Annette Bening, Glenn Close, Michael J. Fox, Sarah Jessica Pa...

GI Joe: The Movie  was meant for big things. Like Transformers and My Little Pony, it would be the property's big screen debut. The failures of those two prevented it from ever getting the chance, though. Even worse, it was meant to serve as a lead-in to the third season of the television show that, ultimately, never happened. Well, it sort of did, but far later and with a different animation stud...

RIPD — the Rest in Peace Department—is based upon a comic of the same name. We're not sure about the source material, but the film is just a unabashed Men in Black ripoff. There's the wisecracking rookie who's new to the job; and the crotchety old vet who's stuck with him. Their job is to protect the earth from monstrous spirits, or deados, who walk among them, avoiding their fate in the afterlife...

Mystery, Alaska is a classic underdog tale. The small town who lives for hockey is thrust into the spotlight when given the opportunity to faceoff against the NHL's New York Rangers (those rascally Rags). Starring Russel Crowe— who was at the peak of his leading man powers—as sheriff/defenseman John Biebe, the movie centers on the sleepy Alaskan town of Mystery. It's a place that takes pride in ma...

Necessary Roughness  is very much just Major League on the gridiron, featuring a ragtag group of footballers who must rise to the occasion in the face of great adversity. And it's 100% a 90s gem. Necessary Roughness is sort of the sequel to The Program we never got. In it, the Texas State Armadillos are mired in scandals. As a result, their team has all had their scholarships revoked, leaving the...

Written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Tony Scott,  True Romance  is everything we love about the lawless ass 90s. It's unapologetically profane and violent, more than a bit dated, but also utterly rewatchable. This is due in large part to its incredible cast. From Gary Oldman as Rastafarian pimp Drexl, to a pre-Sopranos James Gandolfini as mafia heavy Virgil, to Brad Pitt as stoner Floyd, t...

Jason X  was probably ahead of its time. In that, it deviates from the series traditionally serious horror roots, replacing traditional scares with unchecked campiness. When it was released in 2001, people were not pleased. Critics didn't know what to make of it either, slicing it down to a paltry 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. With a $14 million budget, a series high at the time, its $17.1 million gross...

Critters 4 is was the second film in the franchise to go straight to video. And it continued the trend of shrinking the scale of the story being told. Like Critters 3, which was set in an apartment building, Critters 4 confines its characters to a claustrophobic space station and gives them very few Crites to deal with. There are literally only two titular Critters in the movie. That feisty alien...

Leprechaun 4 : In Space is about as low budget as a horror movie sequel can get. Released straight to video in 1997 and produced for a whopping $3 million, it gives most local theater productions a run for their money in terms of set design and costumes. But, should we really expect anything else? Leprechaun 4 is the second of the sequels to be banished directly to video store shelves, and it furt...

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline is a typical late 80s/early 90s horror sequel; as in, it's a cash grab. Sure, it takes Pinhead and his Cenobite minions to space (sort of), but it has nothing truly unique to offer to the series' lore. And the space element, which was so popular amongst fledgling horror franchises that we're dedicating an entire month to it, isn't even present the majority of the film. Hel...

Death to Smoochy is a black comedy about the ills of child television programming and its clear exploitation of kids for monetary gain. The concept is ripe for the picking. Sadly, Death to Smoochy's execution of it is lacking. Neither funny, nor particularly compelling, its a movie devoid of all the essential ingredients of a good comedy. The characters—played at least with enthusiasm by Robin Wil...

47 Ronin is a Hollywood-sized retelling of a famous Japanese legend. It's full of mystical CGI beasts and absurd witchcraft. Why? Who the hell really knows, but apparently the executives wanted something in the vein of the Hobbit movies. Yes, a recurring theme on this pod is that too often the people running the studio let their bad ideas seep into the product. 47 Ronin did not need a monstrous bu...

Disney's Prince of Persia was a bold endeavor. With a $185 million price tag, it shattered the ceiling for video game adaptation budgets. The House of Mouse made a bet, and it was a big one. Unfortunately, it was also a bad one. The Prince of Persia franchise is popular, but general audiences have rarely flocked to movies based on games. Thus, despite it being the most successful of the bunch—gros...

Gangster Squad  never equals the sum of its parts. Featuring a stacked cast—Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone, to name a few—it's never more than a middling mob flick. And that's a problem. Why? Well, there are dozens of films in this genre, many of which capitalize on their premise far more than this does. Gangster Squad is essentially a 21st Century Untouchables without any of...

Prey reignites the Predator franchise in the best ways possible. It's more contained—focusing on the story and characters, rather than feeling the need to go bigger. It's the hit the series desperately needed. After a slew of middling to outright mediocre sequels (and sidequels), Prey optimizes the formula for the alien hunter's antics. It takes the creature back in time—the northwest plains in 17...