H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

Let's liven up this place a bit .... just when I thought my days of funny story telling on here were over.... God & Dad proved once again, that I need to continue to expect the unexpected. I hope this one will give you some laughs .... (and yes, that photo is me in my "nighty" while sweating)! I hope it's one that keeps your interest enough to listen all the way through until the end .... beca...

"I'm going to delete the podcast .... take down all social media posts... and forget about the fucking book." - Those were my exact thoughts when the depressive crash hit ... But ... today it occurred to me... maybe I should continue the book??? Maybe the reader ... literally being able to SEE the difference between my "manic" writing.... and then what transpired afterwards ... but also reading ab...

I am really sharing my most shameful part of what has happened during this most recent "Quiet Hypomanic" episode. All of the money I went through in a few short months .... A major symptom of a Manic or Hypomanic Episode of Bipolar disorder is reckless spending.... this was the first thing that sparked my attention even a few weeks before the Bipolar crash... but once I hit bottom, and I took a go...

This was a quick thought as I was trying to come up with a way of describing how it feels to have just experienced almost six months of this "amazing life" and all of the plans and visions and hopes and dreams that felt like they had been "promised." .... And then to realize now ... that during all of that time my brain was in a state that was showing me a lot of things that it would not be able t...

Any parent out there that has had ... or currently has (or even will have) a child in Middle School... you hear about it.... I REMEMBER it myself ... the worst part was the "fights" that used to happen amongst kids that I was friends with ... but for me, no matter how bad the fight, we would make up ... and move on. For my little guy.... unfortunately that didn't happen.. But he Made it ... I reco...

So now that I am realizing ... during all of these months, as much as I was of course grieving my Father ... and missing him during the big moments ... like Christmas... my Birthday... and Parker's first Soccer Game ... etc. although I felt the grief, and missed him immensely .... I had my dad's voice ... in my head... ALL the time. When I would have a breakdown ... my Dad would be there with a pe...

This was the first time I started recording since the depressive crash ... where I felt like I was coming back to ... "myself." Although in ways, I really am unsure on who "myself" really is anymore. I am still reeling at what has just transpired ... and how this version of my illness is something that is not recognizable to me. Not the "quiet" version of the hypomania ... and certainly not a depr...

I think this one speaks for itself.... it's a day that we all have dreaded for months...I was unsure how I would feel today as I went to sleep last night ... but through the tears in this recording, I think it ended up being a special sentiment to the best Dad and Grandad in the entire world. Dear Dad, Happy Father's Day. I miss you beyond words, thank you for the lifetime of unconditional love an...

I've never in my life felt "lucky" to have Bipolar Disorder .... nobody ever wishes for a mental illness... so I will not say in this moment I feel lucky... or happy... but ... I guess in this moment I am starting to see the truth .... the reality and clarity of what my brain was doing. Yes, my brain was lying to me .... it was telling me things that were not true ... but it was also somewhat keep...

As I am here in this "inbetween" state of hypomania and depression .... I feel so foggy... yet somehow, clear in the sense that I am now looking through what has transpired over the past 5-6 months through a different lens....Still in disbelief that this is happening....

This is when the realization was becoming clear ... a depressive episode of Bipolar disorder doesn't just happen .. as I have said many times "what goes up... must come down." - I was realizing that not only was I now suffering from the indescribable ache of depression .... I was looking back on all of these months ... realizing, that my Brain was Lying to Me.

In the history of my illness I have never gone to sleep one night feeling "Fine" and then waking up the next morning and felt Depression. But... I guess there's a first time for everything. I want to emphasize that by the time this is being posted/listened to ... I am OK ... I am better. Although at the time of recording this .... I was not doing well... I was definitely not even thinking I would...

Hi everyone.... I ask you listen to this before you listen to the upcoming episodes.... I was very close to deleting the entire podcast two weeks ago... I was beyond embarrassed, ashamed, and devastated. I have decided instead, to share the details of what has happened .... in the hopes to continue to bring awareness to mental illness, especially the highs and lows of Bipolar Disorder. Thank you s...

I Finally finished reading the book "Signs" by Laura Lynne Jackson .... there was a part in the book where the author talks about how one of the hardest "signs" your angels can send you is a Rainbow .... as you all know by now, My dad and other angels are constantly sending me signs ... but a rainbow isn't something I had ever asked for... or even thought about. You have to listen to believe it .....

The More this Journey continues for me... the more the subject matter, the tone, the style... the opinions... the feelings... the ... EVERYTHING changes for me in REAL LIFE ... and Here on the podcast! Lately I find myself wondering which "direction" all of this will take me .... I know my Voice will be heard ... it's already being heard (by all of YOU amazing listeners who I love and appreciate m...

"Everything happens for a reason..." ... "God Has a Plan..." "Let Go and Let God..." so many ways to say something that is SO simple... but SO hard to actually practice in everyday life! I have been thinking recently as I continue this new walk in Faith through my life ... and I have been trying to figure out how I want to say it .... so HERE it is.... hope some of my listeners can try to use this...

LOTS OF TEARS OUT OF THE GATE IN THIS ONE! .... I was at my Dad's house... and I decided to climb into his bed .... and lay on his pillow... and once the sobbing subsided ... I hit Record. The crying does continue on and off... but by the end I think this one went in the direction that my Dad really wanted it to .... I explain a little more about how why I truly feel my Dad lead me to God once he...

This one was sparked by me seeing the last scene of the SERIES finale from the 90's show Growing Pains ... I started crying ... a little unsure on exactly why ... but it was a moment I wanted to capture ... So I hit record. This one talks a lot about as we grow ... as we change... as we become different versions of ourselves ... sometimes we still miss, or grieve, or even become nostalgic about wh...

I LOVE THIS ONE! After getting one of my impromptu astrology emails ... and I really listened to what she was saying... I made a true epiphany that I had not realized before .... there was one person in my past that really needed his own goodbye. As I say goodbye to this person in my rearview mirror... I talk out loud to myself, my listeners, and to God ... as I think about the things that I truly...

IF YOU ARE MAKING ANY CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE... OR YOU WANT TO MAKE ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL ... (or anything else you can think of) CHANGE ... please take time to listen to this episode. I share a lot here about what has transpired within my own relationships (Friends, Mother, Sisters, Coworkers, etc.) since my own self-healing/growing/changing Journey has started ... I have learn...

This is a different kind of episode. As most of you know by now, I have been given a very special gift to be able to communicate with my Dad, along with some of my other loved ones that are now in Heaven. Lately... I have been coming across many people that are no longer with us .... specifically, souls that were taken "before their time"... at a younger age. Many of these stories are finding thei...

This was one inspired when I went back and read the few entries I wrote directly after my Father had passed away .... This is a short episode but impactful. I truly feel it shows how much our loved ones can HEAR and actually CONTROL from the other side (with the help of the "Big Guy" of course)... I also am BEGGING all of you to Journal ... if you haven't started yet ... do it now! It's incredible...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 2026!! Please .... even if you are NOT a mother ... listen to this as you might take away from important things.... First and Foremost, Let's BRING OURSELVES BACK to the PERSON WE ONCE WERE ... ORRRRR THE WOMAN THAT WE WANT TO BECOME! One piece of inspiration for this one came from content creator "Nicki Unplugged" LOVE HER. Go find her... although most of you probably already f...

If you want to understand the title of this episode you MUST listen to the entire thing through the very end... I promise you, the laughs you will get will be worth it! THIS is another time in my life ... where one thing during the day directly related to another thing ... that affected the entire "vibe" of my mood .... I talk about not only "shedding" the skin of the men from my past ... but LITE...

Just a few quick sips of a "DC" after a long and very "blah" day inspired me to "hit record." This is more of a venting session than anything else... I have some things that are bothering me that I need to get off my chest... and I do. I went into further detail about it than I planned.... but I have learned in more ways than one these days that things very rarely go according to plan! I jump arou...